DIANECDOTES

My horoscope said I was going to run into somebody who broke my heart this month.

2012-02-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

There aren't too many people that could be.

For such a sensitive, romantic person, I haven't had too many broken hearts. I've had guys I cried over, but then realized later on I was too young to be serious about anything or that the guy was a complete jerk and I didn't really like him anyway and was just crying due to hurt pride and my ever-bruised confidence, which I constantly struggle to keep afloat.

But when I think about that scene from Sex and the City when Aidan screams, "You BROKE my HEART!" to Carrie in the street, there is only one person I could ever imagine shouting those words at...only one person I ever moped about and listened to Sinatra's saloon songs over.

And, apparently, I'm due to run into that guy any day now!

I've played that scene over in my head...a few times.

When I've run into him (in my head), I am in the best place of my life!

I am on my way to the premiere of my new off-Broadway play. (It is already being made into a movie and is moving to Broadway in the spring.) I also look fantastic. I might even be about five inches taller than I usually am. (Whatever, I'm 100% okay with my height, but as long as we're going all-out, I'll see what being 5'5 is like.) It's a great hair day and my complexion is particularly flawless. I'm also walking hand-in-hand with...let's say Jake Gyllenhaal (unless he's starring in the play...in that case, he's already at the theatre) or Josh Groban.

We see this guy in the street, and I'm not awkward or thrown-off at all! Because I'm just so over everything that happened I don't care! I'm so happy with my life right now that I wave heartily, tell him how great it is to see him, give him a friendly hug and introduce him to Jake (or Josh.)

In fact, HE is the awkward one! He knows of the big places my writing has been going lately (we ARE still Facebook friends, after all) and has seen me in People magazine with my new boyfriend. ("Who's That Girl?") We invite him to come to the premiere that night, and he says he will. I'm not sure if he comes to the show or not...that part's not important...the important part is that I couldn't care LESS if he shows-up...because I'm just so over it all. I'm just so happy and fulfilled at the moment that he doesn't matter to me anymore...in fact, I hope he's JUST as happy and fulfilled as I am.

And that is exactly how I have played that scene over in my mind...when I run into that person who broke my heart.

A lot apparently has to happen in the next three weeks in order to make the Horoscope align with my daydreams...because if I ran into this young man tomorrow, all I'd be able to say is, "I'm in between jobs. I'm writing a lot, but I don't have any productions coming-up any time soon. And I'm kinda single (meaning "I can't remember the last straight guy I had a conversation with.")."

I would feel like I have nothing to FEEL fabulous about, nothing that would make him regret things...not that he broke my heart, but because of the way he went about it...the way he treated me like I didn't count...because such a successful and happy and accomplished person (as I am in those inner-scenarios!) didn't deserve to be treated like that...and he'll realize that.

But I was thinking none of that can happen (the guy thinking, "Gosh, I'm an idiot for kicking that girl to the curb! Look at how amazing everything is going for her!") until any of the other stuff happen (the Broadway play, Josh Groban You know. Little things.)

However...

I'm going to do everything I can to switch my thinking and say, "So WHAT?"

Maybe being fabulous and happy and confidant doesn't come from potentially winning a Tony or being engaged to Josh Groban (not for nothing...the kids would have curly dark hair and would be very funny...have you ever read that guy's Twitter? He's hysterical!)

Maybe if you convince yourself you're fabulous first, fabulous things and people will come...and if I DO run into this guy tomorrow, I can be just as confidant as I would have been had I had all those other things going for me...because I DESERVE all of those other things. I know what I'm potentially capable of, I know I'm a good person.

And Josh Groban would be DARNED lucky to have me.

If the Horoscope is correct...I will be just fine when this run-in happens.

(My regular readers know my writing style by now and realize I'm not completely serious with this post, right?)

Diana Rissetto

What will Taylor Swift's song about Jake Gyllenhaal sound like?

2012-01-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

Jake Gyllenhaal is my adult equivalent to the crush I had on Chris O'Donnell when I was 12, for the same exact reason...he's adorable and seems like a really nice guy.

I just heard (on usmagazine.com) that Taylor Swift WILL be penning a song about the heartache brought on her by Jake Gyllenhaal.

I would like to start making guesses right now as to what kind of veiled references will be in this song!

Here are some I came-up with:

We were picking apples that day in autumn
And you looked at me and said, "I'd never quit you."

Why did you brokebroke my heart?

And then you rode away
Like you were the Prince of Persia
(Or something)

Remember that night we were camping by my grandpa's farmhouse
And we looked-up into the October Sky

On a (kinda) related note, I've been listening to Josh Groban a lot lately. I usually only listened to Josh during the holidays, but I've found that his original stuff is in-CRED-ible. (I only listen to his songs in which he sings in English. Does that make me uncultured?) I'm a lyrics fan. That guy has some good lyrics. And a magical voice. And curly hair!

Some say his song "February" is about his break-up with January Jones. (Because, you know. February comes after January!) If that's true, I find it brilliantly clever.

I would like somebody to write a veiled song about me.

Somebody? Please?

(I sat near Gavin deGraw at a diner a couple of years ago. As of yet, I don't think he's written anything about a girl with curly dark hair that he once locked eyes with in a NYC diner on an October night. Once there IS such a song...I'll know. And that's all that matters.)

Diana Rissetto

For everybody going-through something right now...

2012-01-15T20:37:00.001-08:00

And I feel like there's a lot of you!

Words of inspiration from Lady Antebellum...

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lady-antebellum-lyrics/one-day-you-will-lyrics.html)
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

[Repeat Chorus]

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

[Repeat Chorus]

One day you will
Oh one day you will

I became a big fan of a certain AM NY newspaper lady once.

2012-01-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

One day, she disappeared and I never saw her again.

I sent this to the "tells us about your favorite promoter!" email address on the AMNY website...this was way back in August 2009. I never DID see her again...

Hello,

I was happy to see that there was an email address just for this purpose!

Every morning, right outside of Penn Station, I would be greeted by a delightful, energetic AM NY newspaper lady. She would ALWAYS be singing...usually a mix of "Autumn in New York" and "I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone." I loved seeing her every day, and I know that others felt the same way.

However, I haven't seen her in a few weeks and I was wondering if I could just make sure that she's okay...was she transferred to another location? I'm sure many people miss seeing her. She is a black lady on the corner of 8th and 33rd who is always singing...

Thanks so much for your help!

I never received a response...and it made me worry even more. What if something happened to her and they felt bad telling me?

I STILL wonder about that lady!

I even based a character on her in a play once.

But I never saw her again.

Last week, I was coming home from a show (Harry Connick, Jr. in On a Clear Day You Can See Forever) and a train conductor started talking to me. I caught-up with him a few months ago...he was aware I was out-of-work and noticed I wasn't on the train regularly anymore. He had told me that he thought I had retired or ran-off to Paris with a guy.

But, oh no.

I wish!

He told me he didn't want to be nosy, but asked what field I was in...and that he'd keep his ears open for me and would be thinking the best thoughts for me, because, his exact words...he had been working on this train for over ten years and I have ALWAYS been one of his most pleasant passengers.

That made me cry the second I walked away.

He made my day...and on a day where I had gotten Harry Connick, Jr.'s autograph...that is saying a lot.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to this very nice man who is a train conductor.

I realized...I was kinda like the singing AM NY lady to this train conductor! (And I didn't even have to sing!) I didn't realize that any train conductor could possibly notice me enough to be concerned about what happened to me...and maybe the singing AM NY lady would never think that I still think about her today. (I did take this as a sign that I would one day run into her and I'll see she's doing great and I can tell her this personally.)

Somebody told me that out of the hundreds of people he has seen every day for the past ten-plus years, I was one of the most pleasant. You know what? That's enough for me right now! It has to be. This goes hand-in-hand with my previous entry. You just have to hold onto the hope that good things WILL happen for good people. Right now, I'm not winning Tonys (or Emmys. Or Oscars. Or...) I don't have a fancy schmancy job. Or even an actual job. I'm not paired-off with a man (which I find many people consider the pinnacle of success!) But...I'm one of the nicest person out of the thousands that this guy has dealt with over the years! That says something. That says a lot. And I can't forget that right now.

Diana Rissetto

Focusing on nice things happening to nice people.

2012-01-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

It's a brutal world out there.

This past year, I have let it get to me that sometimes not-so-good people do amazingly well in this world. They become powerful and successful. They have devoted followers, despite the fact that these people KNOW how "bad' the person they are supporting is.(If you want to get technical...I mean...hey...look at what happened with Hitler.) It makes being a good person and working hard seem really, really pointless to watch those who have no regard for other human beings flourish.

However...the other day...it hit me.

Why am I wasting my time on these people?

Why can't I do just the opposite?

Two months ago, I watched Cheyenne Jackson, somebody I love very much as a person and think the world of, stand on stage at Carnegie Hall to a sold-out crowd. I know from personal experience that Cheyenne is a wonderful, kind person who treats everybody he meets with respect. Watching him get standing ovations and seeing his face everywhere and knowing how much he deserves it cancels things-out a bit.

Last night, I saw Harry Connick, Jr. on Broadway. I have been a huge fan since I was in the fourth grade. I think he's the BEST live act I have ever seen. When I was 13, I learned that Harry is also an incredibly nice guy who called me to thank me for making a pillow for his newborn baby. After that, I knew I'd always be a fan and constantly will tell people that story as proof that Harry is a stand-up guy...as sweet and thoughtful as he is talented and handsome. As I watched people screaming his name last night (and they were actually screaming his name)

There are dozens of others I can name off the top of my head, and those are just people that I have dealt with personally. Of course, there are countless others. (I mean...Taylor Swift seems like a really good kid!)

All of this good cancels-out the bad.

No, no. It all doesn't just "cancel-out" the bad guys. It OUTWEIGHS them. By FAR.

Diana Rissetto

I have no idea what is going on in this video, but it's pretty funny

2012-01-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite entertainers (he takes passenger seat to Harry Connick, Jr...and only because he's younger), Peter Cincotti, sings with Tony Danza.

(I once said I would write a book filled with heartwarming stories about growing-up Italian-American and call it Hey! Get Your Elbow out of my Prosciutto. My cousin once said that to me...because I, you know, had my elbow in his prosciutto...and I thought it was the funniest thing ever said. Not long after that, I heard Tony Danza had released a cookbook with a title along the lines of Don't Fill-up on the Anti-Pasta, which sounds like it could be the sequel to Hey! Get Your Elbow out of my Prosciutto. Everybody knows one of my goals is to collaborate with Peter Cinoctti, and now I feel like Tony Danza will just also have to be in the mix in there somewhere when we do.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gbEsN8Z_iU

A sign?

2012-01-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last year, my friend highly recommended the book Meeting Your Half Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match by Amy Spencer.

I finally got around to reading it. (It was actually the very first book I put on my brand-new Kindle...which was a Christmas present. Well, it was one of the first...I also downloaded an insider's view of Auschwitz, complete with very graphic descriptions of the gas chambers. There might be reasons why I don't sleep.)

I contacted my friend several times while I was reading it to tell her how much I was enjoying it and "learning" from it. It's very much like The Secret, applied to dating.

Think positively, envision it happening, know it's all possible and the Universe will provide.

I thought the Universe providing...very quickly and randomly...and it freaked me out the other night.

I was sitting on my bed reading the book on Friday and I heard the text message alert on my phone go-off.

And kept going-off. Many times.

I finally went-over to pick it up in case I had a friend who had fallen into a ditch and was only able to text me.

But, oh no.

There were at least five text messages from numbers I did not recognize, saying things like, "I'm (here) if you want to meet-up!" "Want to grab a drink?"

Oh.

My.

Lord.

The Universe was providing.

Obviously one of these text-senders was a dead-ringer for Jake Gyllenhaal and had a creative side and was wonderful with children. He raised seeing eye dogs. He loved his grandmother.

Thank you, Universe!

I scrolled-up and realized my friend had sent-out a mass text to his friends in the area, asking if anybody had anything fun going-on that Friday night.

All those texts?

They were sent in response to that question. (I had no idea that responses to a mass text went to EVERYBODY that mass text was sent to.)

Still, though...was this a sign? I have no idea who all of these numbers belonged to. They could have been married or women or 82.

What I do know is that at any given moment, your cellphone can light-up with a bunch of messages from people asking you to meet-up with them...and maybe sometimes it's worth taking a leap of faith and say yes (especially when you're doing nothing beside reading a book on how to meet people.)

Diana Rissetto

Sometimes I wish people didn't compliment me so much.

2011-12-30T19:17:00.000-08:00

And, no, this is NOT a fish for compliments.

This is not an excuse for me to list all of my good qualities and announce them to all four people who check this blog on a daily basis. (Hi, Matt!!!)

That was an honest statement.

Sometimes I wish people didn't compliment me so much.

I am always told that I am hilariously funny. I have to ignore that, because once you attempt to be funny, you're not funny anymore. I don't try to be funny...I just AM, apparently. Someone even recently told me that when she's moping around about her horrible life, my funny Facebook statuses are the one thing that make her laugh. (I barely know this girl. I went to grammar school with her and have not seen her since the last day of the 3rd grade.) I know my humor comes through my writing, and as long as I'm writing comedy, it turns-out pretty well. I've even been called "brilliant" on several occasions. (Yes, the "b" word.) Another friend told me the other day that I am the most thoughtful person she knows. I'm no Scarlett Johaanson, but I get called "pretty" on a regular basis (and sometimes even that "other b-word" and "cute" and "adorable" on a very regular basis. (Whatever...I do.)

However, people tell me all of this stuff all the time about myself and I feel like, "If all this was true...wouldn't things be a lot easier? Or even just a little easier? Wouldn't I have a great job (or at least a job) and be luckier in love (or at least have the option of rejecting guys I didn't like)?" Because I'm sure there are millions of people out there who aren't hilariously funny and all of those things and are paired-off with a great salary.

I wrote a play once and the main character (loosely based on myself) was very insecure. My friend was helping me revise the script and he asked me, "Why IS she so insecure?" I couldn't answer that question about a fictional character when I couldn't even answer it about myself. The truth is, self-confidence has always been my number one struggle. I'm outgoing and bubbly and bounce-off of walls, which might throw people-off, but, deep down (or maybe not so deep down), I am very insecure about a lot of things. Some people would laugh when I would compare myself to Ugly Betty...because I wasn't that awkward outwardly...but on the inside, I felt as every bit unsure of myself. (I had to turn-off one episode when Betty was crying to her sister...after she learned her playwright boyfriend couldn't be seen in public with her because she was too...well..."ugly"...because it hit too close to home. I remember Betty crying and saying that every time she starts to feel pretty good about herself, something happens and she feels worse than ever. That's how I have felt, many times, in my life. Maybe many young women go through that. Maybe I'm just more honest than a lot of them.)

This year has been rough, and it's done quite a number on my self-esteem. I spent it looking for a job, interviewing like crazy for a job and constantly getting rejected, as I watch people all around me go on one or two interviews and get hired. (I'm happy for these people. I am. I just wish I was these people.) The interviews go great, I get excellent feedback, people even tell me, "You're fantastic!" "There is something about you!" "YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO BRING TO THE TABLE!" but...(fill in the blank.) I feel like I am on a dreadful wild goose chase. I really doubt many people get such enthusiastic responses to their cover letters and such personal and encouraging "we aren't hiring you" rejection letters. So...what's the deal? Really. Why is this so hard for me?

All around me, people fell in love and even got engaged or married. While I don't particularly WANT to be engaged or married right now, it would be nice to know I had the option or WOULD be within the next 19 years. I've had two friends tell me that their respective boyfriends have BOTH said of me, "I don't get why Diana doesn't have guys lined-up around the block..." I guess that's a huge compliment coming from a young man, but still! It just makes me even more confused. I mean...well...why don't I?!

I was very open with my heart this past year and was quite kicked to the curb (you actually CAN hear your heart shatter when somebody shatters it, you know!) When this kicking to the curb happened, I blamed myself instead of person who did the kicking. (I didn't want to admit to myself that he was insensitive and didn't care about my feelings.) I told myself if I had just been different, I would have gotten different treatment.

This year, I have felt like I was stuck, like I was walking around with two black eyes and like things were never going to improve. A few weeks ago, I formally apologized to some of my closest friends for always being such a downer lately. I don't want to be a downer! I want to be happy and optimistic and have exciting adventures and experiences and I want to be able to cope well when things don't go so well.

You know what, it seems like the universe has handed some of the best women in history pretty crummy hands. I mean, we live in a world where a girl as awesome as Maria Shriver gets cheated on by her husband. Nobody was funnier or wittier or a better writer than Wendy Wasserstein (and she seemed like a wonderful and warm person as well) and cancer took her just as she had a young daughter to raise and so many more stories to tell. That was all infinitely worse than anything I have gone through, and they're infinitely more fabulous.

I guess I can complain and say, "WHY ME?" right now...but I guess a better question is, "Well. Why NOT me?"

Rough times and feeling not-so-great about yourself happens to everybody.

Just gotta keep movin' on. There's really nothing else to do.

(Besides, I'm well-aware everything can change in a day. By next New Year's Eve, I could be ringing-it in with my boyfriend Josh Groban and promoting my new off-Broadway play or book.)

Happy New Year, everybody.

Diana Rissetto

Perhaps one day I'll stop doing stupid, emotionally naive things...

2011-12-27T10:50:00.000-08:00

...and will no longer walk right into getting hurt and feeling bad and secondguessing myself.

I heard once that everybody is basically doing their best and acting the only way they know how...so, when somebody hurts you, it's not because they want to hurt you, they don't enjoy seeing you in pain and it's not because they dislike you or don't care about your feelings.

The other night (the night before Christmas Eve), I once again went against my better judgement and ended-up feeling terrible when somebody didn't act the way I wanted them to. I felt let-down and very hurt and confused. I actually thought for a few minutes, "Maybe I don't deserve this response...maybe it's me..." But of course it's not me.

I'm not angry, but I am a little sad and confused.

Feeling disregarded and blown-off hurts a lot...so that's when you have to surround yourselves with the people who really DO treat you like you're important.

I still feel bad...but I'll get over it. I know that person didn't mean to hurt me.

Writers are sensitive, emotional, overthinking people..................................................

Diana Rissetto

I always look for crying people in elevators.

2011-12-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

Four years ago, I was hysterical crying in an elevator and a woman I barely knew from my workplace took pity on me, calmed me down in her office and made sure I got home okay. (It was my last day in that workplace.)

I never forgot about her and ever since then, I always look for crying people in elevators...or on the bus...or in the street...that might need somebody to reach-out to them. I haven't done much yet...I always ask people (usually young women!) "Are you okay?" if they're crying. (It's a stupid question. They're obviously not. They're crying!)

A few weeks ago, I was in that very same elevator going to a job interview and spotted that very same lady.

I didn't say anything, but I instantly remembered that day four years ago, and how she helped me and was my friend that day.

I sent her flowers when I got home.

I wrote in the card that I saw her in the elevator but didn't get to talk to her and that it reminded me of how nice she was to me that day...and that those flowers were four years overdue.

She emailed me to thank me (she had kept me on file) but I think those flowers probably made ME feel better than they did her. I feel like getting flowers from somebody you barely know four years after doing a nice deed for them HAS to make your day. I know it would make my day! And knowing you've made somebody's day MAKES YOUR DAY RIGHT BACK!

I told this story in my Positive Thinking Class.

They all clapped for me and the instructor said my good deed would come back to me.

I think it already DID come back to me. It made me feel great.

Diana Rissetto

It's a Wonderful Life is my all-time favorite movie

2011-12-22T20:52:00.000-08:00

It has been probably since I was in the second grade, and, by the time I was in the fourth grade, I think I had it memorized. I remember going to my aunt's apartment one Christmas Day and running down the New York City block calling-out, "Merry Christmas movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium!" I think it's not only the best Christmas movie ever made, but also the best film ever made and definitely the greatest love story ever told. (That kiss scene by the phone was my ideal of romance for most of my life.)

I remember seeing a musical production of it when I was 10 with my dad, glancing at him towards the end and realizing he was crying (my dad was tough. My dad was athletic. But my dad cried for movies and shows. I had to have gotten it from somewhere) and then when we exited the theatre, found it had started snowing. Just one of those very perfect Christmas memories that you can't make-up.We even had a tiny porcelain Bedford Falls village we set-up.

Last year, my play Pigeons, Knishes and Rockettes premiered off-Broadway and it was about a young man who hates Christmas and the young lady who changes that. Halfway through the play, the character of Peter goes into a rant about how much he hates that movie and how in reality, it is very depressing, pointing-out all the things that are wrong with it. (I mean...why DOES Mary only wear glasses when George doesn't exist? Did George have really good eye insurance or something?)

I don't echo Peter's sentiments. I love that movie. I love George Bailey.

So, when Carl Howell, the actor who played Peter told me a few months ago, "You're going to think I'm lying, but I'm directing a youth production of It's a Wonderful Life..."

I knew I couldn't miss it. It's a Wonderful Life and little kids are my two favorite things in the world.

The Philipstown Depot Theater was quite a hike away in a tiny theater with a sign warning people not to skateboard on the premises. (Thank goodness!) It's quaint and lovely and charming. (The last thing I will ever become is a "Broadway snob." Wonderful theater is all around us.)

Now, I've learned over the years that sometimes it's hard to sit through a children's production if you don't know any children IN that production. A few people asked me which kid I was there cheering on. ("That...little kid with the curly hair! Yeah...she's mine.")

However, not the case with this show! I "awwwed" and cracked-up at these kids every bit as I would have been had my little cousin Mia been playing Zuzu herself. The play was only 75 minutes long...much shorter than the movie, but they also completely kept ALL of the heart of it. I didn't miss the swimming pool dance floor or the scene when they show Harry in the warplanes at all.

(My favorite part of this production was Harry Bailey running-out at the end in his little soldier's uniform. I wanted to adopt him, but I'm sure his parents might mind.)

Carl, the director, has never seen the movie and decided to keep it that way, letting these beautiful young kids bring nothing but the purest and original interpretation possible to this classic tale. They all succeeded. It was wonderfully done. I listened to an audience member tell Carl that she was crying at the end due to the innocence of the children bringing-out the meaning of the story. She was right...you don't need Hollywood legends when you're acting from the heart.

Four stars to Carl and all of these fantastic kids on a brilliant re-imagining of characters almost familiar to me as my own family.

Diana Rissetto

Gratitude

2011-12-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

My Positive Thinking Class stresses an Attitude of Gratitude.

Along those lines, I would like to state once and for all that it bothers me when people don't send-out Thank You notes.

I know we don't give gifts in order to get Thank You notes...but if I'm going to your parties and showers and spending money and time on your happy occasion, it would be really REALLY nice to know you spent three minutes writing me a card.

I don't hold it against them forever or dwell on it, but it does bother me.

Last week, I gave a young man I volunteer with a handmade sweater for his baby. (Just in case nobody's grandma made one for him.) Four days later, I got the sweetest Thank You note from his very sweet wife. (I have only met her once.) This card was extremely personal and genuine and kind.

And with this single card, this new young mother has negated every eyeroll I have ever had over not getting a Thank You note in response to other gifts.

Instead of getting annoyed when I DON'T get Thank You notes, I'm just going to feel extremely appreciative when I DO get a nice one like this card.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that getting a really nice Thank You note is better than getting a really nice gift.

This baby is lucky to have such a sweet, thoughtful mom.

Diana Rissetto

They make classes for everything these days.

2011-12-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

I have been going to Positive Thinking Class on Saturday mornings lately. (I told my friend and she thought I was making that up. No, I'm not. They do exist.) In fact, the second time I went, two random strangers smiled at me on my way there. It's almost as if they KNEW where I was going...............................

One week, we talked about how if you're truly a confidant and healthy person you will not attract people who ARE NOT into your life.

I thought about this.

I have never tried to conceal the fact that confidence has never been my forte. I'm not sure why. There's really no reason I should be insecure. I've been off-Broadway, among a bunch of other accomplishments. I have a lot of friends. Sometimes people laugh at me so much I kinda feel like Jerry Seinfeld. I am extremely guilty of comparing myself to (random people from high school who I wasn't even really friends with back then) and feeling incredibly far behind, which I need to stop doing.

I was in a very toxic relationship for several years. That relationship ended and I blamed myself and felt horrible, and let myself feel worse and worse.

However, this relationship ended shortly after the greatest time of my life (so far). I had never felt better about myself. I was on top of the world and saw ahead me, a very very bright future.

And then that relationship ended and I felt worse than ever.

Listening to the instructor of this class talk about how no confidant and healthy person will ever attract the opposite into her life, I realized WHY that relationship ended.

I was happy. I was feeling good about myself...and there was no room for an unhealthy, toxic relationship. I was telling the universe, "Send me great things and great people because, heck, I AM great!" and so the Universe took this person and situation out of my life. But I didn't know well enough to say "Thank you SO much."

Instead of realizing it at the time, I took the blame and let my self-esteem take a usual beating.

I let myself become the victim...when...no no no...I am NOT the victim.

I am the spirited heroine who is going to triumph because she is awesome!

This Positive Thinking stuff is no joke.

For 2012, I am asking the Universe for a fantastic new job, several different productions of my plays and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Diana Rissetto

Perspective (again)...

2011-11-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

On Saturday night, I found-out that the 20-year-old daughter/sister of two friends of mine had died suddenly.

I haven't been able to think of much since. My heart absolutely breaks for them. It is completely devastating and confusing and when I try to put my own family in their place, I cannot even begin to imagine what they are going through and what they are feeling right now.

You realize you don't have real problems when something like this happens to your friends.

I hope they can find the tiniest amount of comfort and peace in their memories and friends right now.

This is just so unbelievably sad. There are no words.

Diana Rissetto

And just when you thought a guy couldn't get any cuter...

2011-11-15T20:16:00.000-08:00

...you see him helping a little child ride a scooter.

Goshdarnit, Gyllenhaal. Goshdarnit.

Diana Rissetto

How I Met Your Mother is on about 34 times a day.

2011-11-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

And I've been watching it almost as much as that.

First of all, I'm a little in love with Ted Mosby as portrayed by Josh Radnor and feel like if I met Ted, we'd hit-it-off and I could be "your mother."

But he's not a real person. I get that.

I like this quote.

The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time.

This year has been really rough! Maybe I haven't done enough to help myself...but it's been a bad one!

I hope this is true. I hope the universe is going to align and life will start to make the tiniest bit of sense...because, lately? It really hasn't.

Fingers crossed Ted Mosby is right.

Diana Rissetto

I used to get made fun of on the schoolbus.

2011-11-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

I know, I know.

Get over it. It was years ago.

And I HAVE gotten over it, for the most part, but I haven't forgotten it or the boys who were the ring leaders. I can tell you their first and last names and their faces are very clear in my mind.

I haven't seen these boys since high school and they probably would have no idea who I was if they saw me in the street. I remember when I would see them in the hallways at school. Sometimes I would stare in one direction and casually (and very forcefully) kick them as hard as I could in the shin. (I have never admitted that to anybody before right now. In fact...I think I had completely forgotten about it.) It was my only way of getting back at them for the daily torment on the bus, which finally ended when they were called into the principal's office.

They used to make fun of my hair. They would scream insults about my hair as I was leaving the bus and had my back turned to them. There were three boys that led all of this, and many more chanted along with them, blindly following them, which reminds me so much of Judy Blume's book Blubber. So many kids are just flat-out hurtful, cruel and can't think for themselves.

(When I was younger, I didn't quite know what to do with all of this hair, but today, it's my signature trait and I wouldn't want it any other way. But, those boys thought it was awful enough to make fun of it daily for our entire eighth grade year.)

I would get-off of the bus and cry. Every day. Self-confidence still isn't my forte, and things like that didn't help. I know they were just being kids and that they had no idea how much they were hurting and embarrassing me.

At my last youth group meeting, we had the kids talk about things they've done that they've regretted. I was talking to the young man who volunteers with me and he said that he used to make fun of kids on the schoolbus. I've been working with him for years and consider him a friend...he's a nice guy and is becoming a father next month and I'm sure he'll make a great one.

BUT...he used to make fun of kids on the schoolbus!

And, fifteen years or so later, he still feels bad about it.

I can't tell you how much I appreciated knowing that those horrible boys from the schoolbus...the ones that used to make me cry...just might have grown into very nice guys who volunteer with church youth groups and STILL carry regret for how mean they were.

I wonder if those boys out there still feel bad about making fun of that girl with the wild hair.

(By the way, as I was writing this, I wondered what became of them. I Googled them. None of them are fabulous off-Broadway playwrights with naturally curly hair. I win!)

Diana Rissetto

More on karma...

2011-10-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, I had a rough few weeks.

I decided to do something that felt like a very nice gesture and would increase my good energy.

I made a list of everybody I had any kind of an issue with...it didn't matter what kind of an issue it was. It didn't matter if that issue was only in my head and that they probably didn't even remember who I was.

That list turned-out to be very short (maybe my good energy is already pretty good?) and I wrote-out very nice greeting cards to all of them.

I put them in the mail and tried not to imagine them being confused or even rolling their eyes.

I pictured them opening the cards and thinking, "Wow. That's really nice. I'm going to do a random nice gesture for an unexpecting person now!"

A few days after I mailed that card, an act of kindness and generosity from one of those people came right back to me, and I took it as a sign that everything was now turning around (it's been a really rough year for me personally). It was a very small gesture...this person wasn't offering me a new job or giving me money to fund a play...but it was still a major one.

And then I was told that nice gesture was actually a mistake and, just like that, it was taken away from me.

I felt crushed...absolutely crushed...and so confused as to exactly how this universe works.

Doesn't anybody appreciate kindness and care about others' feelings...or am I completely alone on THAT list?

I was hurting, and I am confused and I am really ready to see good things start to happen for good people. This year has been rough. I copied a quote about how true success means you go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. I hope I'm doing that and I hope it's true.

You know, you just have to keep going, because you never know when something really wonderful is going to happen. Maybe that karma is still on its way and maybe that good energy I sent out wasn't about getting anything back in return at all.

Diana Rissetto

How Deep is the Ocean

2011-10-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was lucky enough to be able to attend something I have been hoping would happen for several years...

A Peter Cincotti musical.

For those who have been reading this blog since its start, you'll know I am a huge fan of this young man and am always extremely confused when I have to explain to people who he is. We live in a world where Snookie is a New York Times best-selling author (OH COME ON!) and Peter is still playing to modest crowds? Really? Really?

(Ends the rant of our struggling, unemployed young writer...)

It should be no surprise that some serious talent runs in the Cincotti family, as Peter wrote this show with his sister, Pia Cincotti. (Pia also helped write a bunch of Peter's songs.) Collaborating on musicals is a tricky, emotional thing (learned that firsthand several years ago) and I'm glad the Cincotti kids were able to team-up and work-together. (I'm sure there are different rules when siblings become co-writers. You can openly fight and disagree and yell at each other...but still have to love each other and speak after it all.)

The musical took place in Monmouth Beach, NJ. My family moved from New York City to Monmouth County when I was a kid, so I was able to appreciate so many of the references that I never thought would be sung about on stage. (Sally Tee's Grille...Max's Hot Dogs...Strollo's Italian Ice...West End, NJ...which spans about four blocks and where my church is.)

The premise was over-the-top and ridiculous and along the lines of the Broadway hit Urinetown. A pool man is obsessed with chlorine...it takes over his life and nearly ruins his relationship with his wife through a comedy of errors. (Don't worry...there's a happy ending.)

Being so familiar with Peter's music, I found that the music in this project really showcase how versatile and talented he is. Peter played onstage during the reading and watching him was as entertaining as paying attention to the cast. He was so into the music, mouthing along, hands flying across his piano. (He needed to tune it at one point...ah, live theatre.)

(I've sat in audiences at my own productions in the past and I know what that feels like. Since I usually write comedy, I am always praying to myself. Laugh. Laugh. PLEASE GOD MAKE THEM LAUGH. I remember stressing over, "But what if they don't laugh?" before a show once and my friend texted back with, "But wouldn't it be worse if you wrote a drama and everybody cracked-up?" It probably would.)

There is also a number which mentions prosciutto repeatedly, which made me laugh because I had a joke about prosciutto in my play Pigeons, Knishes and Rockettes which was removed because nobody apparently found it funny but me! (I still think it's funny...)

The evening featured a talkback with Pia, Peter, the director and cast of the reading. Pia talked about how she started writing this as a short story then a novel, but realized she was better-suited for plays because she had problems with grammar. (I had the very same experience! I realized I was made to write dialogue and not much else.) Peter said that Pia was on his back for several years to finally start working on this project. Ever the gracious artists, they took one man's critical commentary with class, thanking him for the good points he brought-up. (He compared the show to The Book of Mormon, saying it wasn't as tight book-and-music wise. Oh, COME ON.)

(I was also happy to find the cast included Jason Collins, who appeared in the most beautiful musical at the YMCA two years ago, Signs of Life. )

My main gripe for the evening? Every single time I laughed...whether it be with everybody else or at a random moment, since I have a habit of giving a very loud "HA!" at things that nobody else finds nearly as hilarious...the young girl in front of me...and she was quite young!...would turn around and glare at me. GLARE. My two friends both noticed it and it was a running joke for the rest of the show. I started to try to lean forward and glare back, but she would turn back around by then.

When the cast bowed and I gave Mr. C an extra cheer, this young girl's father turned around and glared at me.

I guess it runs in the family.

(Seriously, it's an over-the-top comedy. It's not like I'm cracking-up as the Gestapo arrest Anne Frank, people...)

After the show, I made sure to introduce my friends to Peter. (Since we ARE able to casually talk to Peter, because, as I said before...he's not famous...which makes no sense to me.)

My introduction says it all..."This is...well, this is the next Billy Joel."

Or maybe he'll just be the first Peter Cincotti.

Either way, the guy's pretty much out-of-control with the talent. I'm so glad I discovered his stuff when we were kids, and I really hope we can work together one day.

Diana Rissetto

Would somebody like to invite me to a Halloween party???

2011-10-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

I want an excuse to buy this dress...

And this hat:

Wear this ring (which I admit to already owning...)

Blow-out my hair...

And be HER...

(I'm obviously MUCH taller than her, so that might throw people-off, though...)

Diana Rissetto

Karma in action...

2011-10-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

I told myself that I was going to start doing or saying ten really nice things a day in order to get my good karma off-the-charts. (What??? It doesn't matter the motive. As long as those good deeds get done!)

I realized, however, that this isn't necessary. You can't keep track of these things...and I do nice things because doing nice things comes easier to me than being a horrible, miserable, sadistic person. (Not that I've ever met any of those.)

Recently, I was waiting for a train when a young woman walked by and a hat fell out of her bag.

I picked it up and caught-up to her to tell her she dropped her hat. She said, "THANK YOU! This is my FAVORITE HAT!"

That very same day, I was walking behind a young man and a $20 bill came flying-out of his pocket.

(I was wondering if we were on What Would You Do?)

I grabbed the $20 and shouted, "YOU DROPPED THIS!" (He had his iPod on.)

He thanked me and said that he wished the world had more Good Samaritans like me.

I thought that was a very sad comment.

WOULD most people just pocket that money?

A few days after that, it was raining and I was using an umbrella which had seen better days.

The woman in front of me dropped a box of cookies (the GOOD kind of sand cookies...) and I picked it up to get it back to her.

(People drop things a lot in this city, don't they?)

As I was getting-up, my umbrella completely snapped.

The woman apologized profusely, asked me if she could buy me a new umbrella and shared hers with me until we had to separate.

Maybe it was karma.

Or maybe it was just another person being nice...

Diana Rissetto

I cried on-and-off all weekend.

2011-09-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Every year, I find myself completely glued to 9/11 anniversary coverage...and every year I cry my heart-out.

This year, Tom Brokaw's retrospective especially got to me...seeing Tom Brokaw break down in tears. Tom Brokaw's strong. He's a comfort. When Tom Brokaw cries, you know there's a very good reason to cry.

Every year, I watch the names being read and this year, to see so many kids pay tribute to their parents and realize that they barely have any memories of them...

Does this ever get easier?

Will 9/11 ever stop being so heartbreaking?

I don't think it will...and I don't think it's supposed to.

Diana Rissetto

Not too often I see a friend's wedding on the top news of Us Magazine

2011-09-04T09:10:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to Cheyenne and Monte!!!

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/actor-cheyenne-jackson-marries-longtime-partner-201149

I recently saw the movie One Day...

2011-08-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

...and the book was a lot better. However, perhaps that isn't saying much, because the book was so beautiful and deep and compelling that I am sure it is a lot better than most movies.

There is one part of the book I particularly loved and which the film particularly changed to my dismay. Dexter writes his "best female friend with a grey zone" Emma a long letter, which, of course, is never delivered to her. (This was long before email. I miss writing letters!) Of course, that's always the risk you take when mailing a letter!

He begins the note explaining that he has just had several beers and continues to drink as he writes.

This is the most Dexter ever says to Emma about how he feels about her and what he thinks of her. He thinks she is brilliant and beautiful and the funniest person he knows. He wants her to leave her crummy job and flat and join him in India.

She never gets that letter and perhaps if she did, the story would have went in a very different direction.

I started wondering if, what if Dexter wasn't even drinking? What if he just talked about those beers so he could be completely free with the things he was telling Emma, and then she would never quite take those things seriously because he was so drunk.

Since these aren't real people, I can only relate it to my own life.

I am 100% guilty or writing long letters completely pouring-out my heart and, usually, regretting it. You're supposed to wait something like 48 hours before you send an emotionally charged email. I probably wait about 48 seconds. I've tried that whole trick where you just write the letter and destroy it, but that doesn't work for me.

I need to press send. I'm a writer...I am the most comfortable expressing myself through writing.

I so very rarely drink, but I am starting to wonder if I should have been, all this time, confessing to having a little too much in me in some of these long-winded emails. That way, you don't have to own-up to anything you are saying if the person isn't taking you seriously.

It's like saying, "Just kidding!" after saying something you completely meant.

I really don't think I'll ever learn my lesson. I really don't think I will ever stop sending long letters/emails pouring-out my heart forty-eight seconds after I've written them.

Maybe it's a good way to weed out the people that I really don't need in my life, because if somebody thought I was as stellar as Dexter thought Emma was, I don't think a crazy email would do anything to change it.

If you can't handle a rambling, heart-pouring-out, very soberly written letter from me................................

Diana Rissetto

I always panic and worry, "What if this is it?"

2011-08-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

I always had members of my family (usually the older relatives...I had always been a hit with them) that would tell me things like, "We KNOW you're destined for greatness..." As nice as it was to hear, it also made me worry that I would never be able to live-up to that expectation. What if I failed? At everything?

When I was sixteen, I was the lead story on Access Hollywood for "touching Frank Sinatra's heart in his final days." (Believe me, they made it all sound a lot more dramatic than it was.) I still don't understand who else cared about that story besides people who were related to me, but I thoroughly enjoyed my fifteen minutes of fame. We watched the VHS at school the next day. I got applause! I was mentioned in the same sentence as Sting and Brad Pitt!

I figured that we only all ever get fifteen minutes of fame and my fifteen minutes WERE over and that they were gone before I even graduated high school.

Ah, well...it was fun while it lasted.

When I was 18, I was picked to be a reporter for Teen People magazine. I interviewed Jeremy London of Party of Five fame, hung-out with Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish and reviewed self-tanner. I was paid $1 a word. I was getting paid to talk to celebrities and couldn't believe my good fortune.

My contract ended after one year and, once again...I wondered if that was it...

Soon, I landed an internship with a Broadway PR firm and my name was listed in a Broadway playbill. I wasn't getting paid...but I had my name in a Broadway playbill. I talked to Patrick Wilson on a warship, stood under a tent with a bunch of Broadway stars (including future superstar and my future superfriend, Cheyenne Jackson) and learned what went on beyond the stage at Broadway shows. Although I came home crying several times, I still kept going back...I was hooked.

And then the internship ended and I was once again just some random girl who liked writing stories and plays and seeing shows.

Yes...this is all there is.

I graduated college, entered the most Frustrating Job Hunt Ever (edition 1) and when I finally DID land a job, it was also one where I got to, once again, work with Broadway shows, see everything for free and attend the Tonys.

Back on top!

And then I got laid-off.

Back at the bottom!

I was convinced once again that it was all over.

Soon, I landed another job, around the same time that a show I co-wrote made the finals of a writing competition. My job brought many exciting things into my life...and Jerry Stiller sent me flowers for my birthday.

That show fell apart after it made its world premiere due to artistic differences...and I was worried I'd never have anything produced ever again.

I was wrong...several shows followed, including one Off-Off-Broadway last summer. I was so happy! I felt so great about myself! I was surrounded by friends and relatives telling me how proud they were of me and people laughed at my words!

As all shows do, that one closed, and then I lost that exciting, glamorous job.

Lately, I've been struggling, ONCE AGAIN, with the feeling of, "Was that all there ever was????? Has everything exciting that is ever destined to happen to me already happened?"

Now, I'm really bored and being slightly anti-social.

I feel light years behind so many other people.

I'm unemployed.

I'm writing like crazy (good thing), but nothing is becoming of that writing yet.

Should I have paced myself? Did I accomplish too much and now there's just nothing left to happen for me because I've used-up my fifteen minutes over and over and over?

It helped a lot to write all of this out, because I realize that, in the past, something newer and bigger and more exciting than anything else that has ever happened to me ALWAYS comes along and maybe if you didn't lose your job or have your heart broken it wouldn't have been able to happen.

I just have to keep going and realize that things will turn-around and when they DO turn around, they'll be better than ever and this path will make more sense.

Peter Cincotti has a song which includes the lyric, "I got a very strong suspicion this could be the day..." (I'm taking it completely out-of-context. The song is about the guy wanting his girlfriend to call-out of work and stay in bed with him.)

I think that's my new mantra. "I got a very strong suspicion this could be the day..."

I'm applying that to everything...to writing, to love, to jobs, to life. You just never know...and you just HAVE to keep on moving forward because you never know when something really wonderful is heading your way.

Maybe you really can't appreciate the good stuff until you've dealt with the not-so-good...

Diana Rissetto

Things that are making me laugh right now...

2011-08-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

Every so often, a single line from a movie or a show on stage cracks me up beyond understanding and I am the only person in the entire audience laughing.

In the movie One Day (which, I am sorry, was really not nearly as good as the book, but I think the book was pretty brilliant), it's when Anne Hathaway, as she and her male friend discuss the importance of laughter in a relationship and says, of her ex-boyfriend:

"The only time he made me laugh was when he fell down the stairs."

I "HA'D!"

I can't help it.

It just struck me as so funny.

Also hilarious...this commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3KXaF2_UzU

That little boy throwing his arms up and looking all Crazy Muppet...I...just...can't. It's so funny!

Diana Rissetto

Kids...

2011-08-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

I went over to my cousin's house to watch his kids the other day.

There was a stuffed banana, with a face and wearing clothes and taller than me, on their couch.

His ten-year-old son told me, "That was on the curb with the garbage! I told my dad we HAD to take it home...because one man's trash is another man's treasure!"

There is nothing greater than expressions my grandpa would have used being said by a little kid...

Diana Rissetto

Today, at the supermarket...

2011-08-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

It was packed due to the upcoming hurricane and I had about twenty items in my cart.

I was on a very long line and the lady behind me said, "Ma'am?" (why is somebody older than me even CALLING me 'Ma'am'?) "You should get on one of the express lines."

I told her, no...that I actually had twenty items and the next express line was for Fifteen Items or Fewer.

One of the workers told me to get into the line for Seven Items or Fewer.

It's their place, so I got onto the line...but only as I apologized to the people who ended-up lining-up behind me, because I was convinced they were cursing to themselves that I snuck onto that line with thirteen excess items.

(I don't think they cared.)

I think my worrying and apologies are quite overkill...

Diana Rissetto

Cannot wait to read this book!

2011-08-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/153730-An-Uncommon-Woman-Wendy-Wasserstein-Gets-Spotlight-in-a-New-Biography

I completely love Wendy Wasserstein and, next to Michael Landon, she has been my biggest influence as a writer. I'm so sad that I'll never get to meet her. Somebody who knew her personally once told me that Wendy would have really liked me. (And hearing that made me want to burst into tears...)

Love this brilliant, funny, wonderful writer (who also had crazy curly hair and a young-sounding voice!)

I'm sure I'll need a box of tissues for the read...

Diana Rissetto

Those moments when you think you were over something and then...

2011-08-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

...you have a dream and it is clear that your subconscious has not stopped thinking and worrying about it.

I really wish I wasn't so sensitive.

Right now, life would be so much easier if I didn't have so much time on my hands. I'm remembering how incredibly busy I was this time last year...I had never felt so good about myself, was surrounded by so many people who loved me and were proud of me and I was certain that it was just the beginning. While I'm still pretty sure my friends and family love me and are proud of me, I'm not feeling entirely enthusiastic about myself and my achievements right now. I wish I could have a guarantee that those feelings from last year will come again...but I know we can't get guarantees like that.

And, since I am not busy, it allows me time to go over stuff in my mind, over and over, and let it really really get to me.

I just don't get it.

I know that I really let myself care about something for a very long time, but accepted that it wasn't going to end-up the way that I hoped that it would...but I can't really feel better about the way that I was treated in the end, which was completely out of my control (And yet why am I still blaming myself somehow?). I deserved a lot better than that and I'm just very sad and feel a bit like I was kicked in the head by a Shetland pony. I want to assume the best of people, but that's hard when I feel really rather disregarded.

I know that I'm really nice to people, for the most part...I'm very sensitive when it comes to other people's feelings (I keep checking in with my friend whose cat just died) and it just stings when somebody can't be sensitive when it comes to mine, especially somebody I really cared about...especially somebody I thought was my friend and that I was very honest to. (Sometimes being so honest is the hardest thing in the world.)

And then, just when you think you've moved on, the situation is resolved in your dreams and you wake-up and realize that it didn't really happen...and you just feel bad.

You mustn't mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinoceros, but I've got quite a thin skin really...so just be a bit careful with me...or I'll flatten 'ya-Benny in Circle of Friends

Diana Rissetto

Didn't think anybody would notice...

2011-08-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

For a while, I was oddly attached to a singing AMNY newspaper lady that I saw every morning. She would sing "Autumn in New York", always changing "autumn" to the appropriate description. "It's Friday in New York!" "It's raining in New York!" and then she'd sing "It's gonna be a bright...bright...sunshiney day...", once again, filling in her own lyrics so it would make sense.

One day, she disappeared.

I hoped she would come back and she never did.

I even emailed AMNY and asked, since they actually have an email address to write to talk about your favorite promoters.

(They never responded.)

I know I wasn't the only person who loved her. I used to even see people hugging her!

It's been so long but she taught me something SO important about life...you want to live your life so that people notice when you're not there...even if you're a newspaper distributor in a city that has some of the richest celebrities and bankers in the world. I remember that little newspaper lady and I still think about her. I can't say that about any of the other business people I would see every day.

I lost my job in November and the past nine months have been the most frustrating and trialing of my life. (Perhaps I should be grateful that that's the case?)

I've always had a favorite conductor on the train. He's been my favorite since I started taking the train regularly into the city about ten years ago. He's very nice and always talks to me and when I used to work at Barnes and Noble, I'd see him there sometimes as well.

The other night, I was on the train and he saw me and said, "THERE you are! I thought you retired or ran off to Paris. I haven't seen you in so long."

I told him what had happened...that I had lost my job in November and was on one of the most soul-sucking job searches in history.

He was so sympathetic! He was so encouraging!

And, most important, he noticed when I wasn't there. I didn't think anybody would.

Another woman also told me she had been worried about me because she hadn't seen me on the train in so long.

I didn't think anybody would notice when I wasn't around...I'm really glad they did. And I didn't even have to sing...

Diana Rissetto

Ah, kids these days.

2011-08-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do is volunteer with my church's youth group. I have been with them for about seven years, and even though I am often mistaken for one of the kids (the majority are taller than me), I do feel like I have a positive, big-sisterly influence on them. I love feeling like we are instilling in them that they can make a difference and do good in the world!

However, one thing they DO need help in is to be steered towards better taste in music.

We had a party the other day, complete with a DJ. (We don't limit ourselves to Christian rock...even though some of those tunes are kinda catchy..."come with me, and I will show you Jesus...if you're lookin' for a savior...if you're lookin' for adventure...if you're lookin' for a friend...")

One young 6th grade girl requested the song "Unfriend You." "Unfriend You" is apparently an amazing song.

My fellow leader and I looked at her and said, "Unfriend you? As in Facebook-unfriend?"

The DJ did NOT have "Unfriend You", but that didn't stop me from looking-up the lyrics when I got home.

I believe it makes the New Kids on the Block "Please Don't Go Girl" look like Hamlet.

"Unfriend You"

I really thought you were the one
It was over before it begun
It's so hard for me to walk away
But I know I can't stay

You're beautiful and crazy too
Maybe that's why I fell into you
Even though you would pretend to be
You were never with me

So it's over yeah we're through, so I'll unfriend you
You're the best liar ever knew, so Imma unfriend you
cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

I thought in time that you could change
And my time and love would heal the pain
And I didn't want this day to come
But now all I feel is numb

So it's over yeah we're through, so Imma unfriend you
You're the best liar ever knew, so Imma unfriend you
cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

You come on to everybody
Everybody all the time
You give up to anybody
What I thought was only mine

So it's over now we're through, so I'll unfriend you
You're the best liar I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
'Cause I should have known, right from the start
That you didn't have a human heart
Yeah it's over my last move is to unfriend you
Unfriend you

So I'll unfriend you
Unfriend you

Thoughts on the final Harry Potter film...

2011-07-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

As much as I absolutely adored the Harry Potter series (working in the children's department of Barnes and Noble for most of the series, they were very hard to avoid...and we can't forget the release parties I worked..."Midnight Madness"...I dressed-up as Hermione and I made a pretty fantastic Hermione. I'm sure most petite, young-looking brunettes with insane amounts of curly hair do, though.) I was never as into the movies, and didn't even SEE any of the movies until the last book had come-out...because that was all I had left.

My main issue with the movies?

They cut-out so many of my favorite Ron and Hermione moments.

Emma Watson and Rupert Grint?

Wonderful. Adorable. Terrific chemistry.

I could seriously just squish them both.

Look at how cute they were when they were little!

Couldn't you just squish them?

It's not THEIR fault that the movies cut-out so many great moments.

(Seriously? Did Ron holding Hermione and stroking her hair when she was sobbing at Dumbledore's funeral mean NOTHING to Chris Columbus?)

While everybody else in my movie theatre cheered whenever a bad guy died (or, you know, blew-up), I cheered when Ron and Hermione first (and finally!) kissed.

Nobody else did.

Does nobody else appreciate the greatest literary love story of our time?

The movie, as a whole, was lovely and powerful (even though they cut-out the scene when Hermione is being tortured and Ron offers his own life to save hers...whatever!) and a wonderful end to a wonderful adventure.

I also watched the JR Rowling life story TV movie on Lifetime recently and needed a towel during it...how I WEPT. The writer in me cried...the Harry Potter fan in me cried...the frustrated unemployed girl in me cried. Such an inspiring story...I definitely needed to be reminded of how much is possible if one just uses their talents.

(Ron and Hermione will always be my favorite parts of the entire empire, though.)

Diana Rissetto

"On a jetplane to nowhere..."

2011-07-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton just walked off of the set of Good Morning America when she was asked if her moment had passed. She also talked about how she'd been in "the business" for fifteen years. (And what business would that be?) I never saw an episode of any of her various shows (and I know there have been several.) I did watch her interview with Larry King after she was released from prison, and she talked about how much she read the Bible in jail. When Larry asked her her favorite passages, she couldn't answer.

When I worked in Barnes and Noble, I DID hand her book to many customers searching for it and I watched it become a best-seller with a very heavy heart.

I just heard that Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy because they are using a model who resembles her in their commercials.

(Hey, everybody, I figured now would be a good time to let you all know...I have decided to sue Bernadette Peters. I'm really concerned that she's running around being all petite and pale and curly-haired like I am. Oh, the confusion she is bringing!)

Okay, I actually LIKE the Kardashian family. It started when I caught some of the E! True Hollywood Story about them and they talked about their dad's illness and death.It hit extremely close to home and I realized that the emotions I felt and the ones they felt were pretty much the same. I like the way they treat each other, it's all very typical sister behavior, and, in general, just think they're all very funny and cute and seem sweet.

However, I also can't help but asking...

Who are you, why are you famous and why do you get to be on Dancing with the Stars and I don't?

It all brings to mind the Peter Cincotti song "Broken Children." I actually never knew the title of this song and always called it the "Paris Hilton Song". I wonder if Peter Cincotti had her in mind when he wrote it.

Who's that face
On today’s front page
Sticking to my shoe
Empty eyes
And a real good smile
That's all it takes
To sell the news
She got her name
On Gotham's tongue
But Mama Fame
She eats her young
And half a buck
Ain't half the price you pay

When you got
Broken children
Shot in black and white
Chasing wasted lives
And they can't wait
To go there

Daddy's money
Bought a first class seat
And they all just fly away
On a jet plane to nowhere
On a jet plane to nowhere

Well I'm at a house party
At the Taj Mahal
The portrait hanging
On the wall
Has got too much wine
In her head
And she gets too close
And grabs my face
And says
If you like this place
Well, then you ought to see my bed
She gives an order
To the staff
Looks up
For the photograph
It's hard to know
If you should
Laugh or cry

When you got
Broken children
Shot in black and white
Chasing wasted lives
And they can't wait
To go there

Daddy's money
Bought a first class seat
And they all just fly away
On a jet plane to nowhere

The Hamptons
Is a summer dream
Where little kings
Chase little queens
They eat it up like
Hungry wolverines
And it looks like
The fabric of their life is
Sewn tight
But it's ripping at the seams

Broken children
Shot in black and white
Chasing wasted lives
And they can't wait
To go there

Daddy's money
Bought a first class seat
And they all just fly away
On a jet plane to nowhere
Oh on a jet plane to nowhere
Oh on a jet plane to nowhere

Diana Rissetto

And this is why we love Kate Middleton.

2011-07-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

Kate poses with the star of the Anne of Green Gables stage show in Prince Edward Island and then told her that she was a huge fan of the series.

I bet right after this photo was taken, Prince William remarked that his mother and Anne Shirley's best friend have the same first name.

Diana Rissetto

Do dreams reveal our hidden fears?

2011-07-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had a dream that my sister moved to a new development and I was visiting. We were in a very elaborate lobby of some sort. I saw a young man in a business suit walk by and realized it was this guy I used to work with at Barnes and Noble.

His name was Sean and I haven't spoken to him in years.

Although in the beginning, I definitely had a crush on Sean, our relationship ended-up with having coworkers asking us, "Were you two brother and sister in a past life or something?" and separating us because we'd fight. ("YOU! Children's department. YOU! Bargain.")

But I was still very fond of the guy.

In my dream, I was so excited to see him! It had been years!

I called-out, "SEAN! HI!"

Sean turned-around and very casually said, "Hi Diana."

And left.

It somehow would have hurt LESS had he not remembered me at all than had he remembered me perfectly, called me by name and so nonchalantly walked away.

I was wondering what this dream meant.

It could mean that I really really miss Sean and want to reconnect with him.

Sadly, Sean has a very common last name and there are thousands of him on Facebook. And even though I have dozens of old Barnes and Noble coworkers as friends on there, I don't think any of THEM have Sean as their friend.

Oh, well. Whatever he's doing in this world...I hope he's happy.

It could also go along with things I am currently battling in my life that don't have anything to do with Sean at all. In the recent past, at least three people I thought were pretty important in my life more or less left it without looking back. (Just like Sean did in that dream.)

Maybe I'm really struggling with this, wondering why I was so easy to leave and what about me is just so unforgettable for all of these people.

Or maybe it really IS a sign that I need to reconnect with Sean.

Maybe he has the power to change my life right now or something.

Maybe I need to spend the next five hours weeding through all the guys with his name on Facebook...............................

Diana Rissetto

Recently, a relative's friend sent her a copy of the book He's Just Not That Into You to read...

2011-07-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

...the friend included a note saying that I would benefit from reading it as well. (Apparently, my issues of the heart had been a topic of conversation with them.)

I read the book and it actually really depressed me.(As much as the film version rather inspired me...I can't help it, that closing speech was very touching and Ginnifer Goodwin is delightful!)

Basically, this book is saying that unless a guy is willing to light his entire family on fire, he's just not that into you.

There is no such thing as a guy who is awkward/shy/intimidated/scared of getting hurt. Oh, no. If he was into you...he'd light that entire family on fire.

However, it definitely brings-up many valid points that I see happening in real life.

Recently, a girl friend of mine told me that she had been dating a young man she met on JDate for a year-and-a-half. (A year-and-a-half!) She finally asked him if he was willing to go exclusive.

He told her he needed to think about it.

She never heard from him again. (It's been months.)

Another friend was also dating a man she met on an online dating site. He told her he wasn't sure how he felt about her and needed time to think about it. She told him she'd be okay with either decision, as long as he was direct with her.

She never heard from him again.

She sent him a text message reminding him that he had promised to be direct with her, and he snapped at her that he was with his family for his birthday.

(When she told me that, I had to ask, "Family? Does that mean he's got a wife and four kids???")

Both of these girls made me realize that what the book is saying is right.

( I do disagree with the general phasing. "He's just not that into you." It makes me feel like the woman did something wrong, like she's to blame.)

If a man is a quality man either way, things like this would never happen. He'd either have the class to be upfront and straightforward about not seeing a romantic future with the girl, or he'd pursue the romance without needing any time to "think about" how he felt about her.

Who on EARTH wants a guy who needs to "think about" how he feels about her? Is this a wine tasting class? Seriously.

Over the past few months, I was desperately trying to figure-out a guy I have known for a very long time and have always felt something for. I was using every excuse in the book...but I'm realizing now? He's just not that into me.

A close (straight, I should specify, since I have very few of those and their opinions are pretty gold on these matters to me) male friend witnessed how this guy acted around me and told me that he knew very well how to read people. He told me that this guy clearly had romantic feelings for me, and was probably keeping me around in case his life situation changed and being with me was more "convenient". He said this guy seemed to want to have me in his life JUST enough so that it didn't disrupt it...but that he probably wasn't conscience of the fact that he was even doing this. I brought it to his attention and he didn't say anything. I understand that I made things awkward by putting it all on the table, but I also can't forget that we have a friendship of many years at stake.

My (close straight male) friend told me I'm not allowed to ever be somebody's second-choice or back-up girl. I have no idea what is going-on in his head and I probably never will...it doesn't MATTER what is going-on in his head, what matters his how he's reacting and that it is incredibly hurtful. I just have to put aside how much it really, truly HURTS (because we were friends for so long, and, I can't help it...I'm one of the most sensitive people in the world) and realize that I'm only responsible for myself.

And the truth of it all, when all is said in done?

If he was just THAT into me, I wouldn't be dealing with all of that.

So...the book's right.

One day, I hope we're all just very much appreciated and loved and respected the way we deserve to be...because we are ALL pretty terrific women.

Diana Rissetto

I think I look for signs too often

2011-06-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

About six years ago, I was volunteering with my church's youth group (which is what I still do to this day...and it doesn't surprise people when they hear I do) and a young woman I never met before randomly showed-up and was interested in helping-out. We got to talking, and she told me that she did publicity for books.

Shortly after, I went to a book signing...Maria Shriver (I love Maria Shriver! Maria Shriver is smart and funny and beautiful and the fact that we live in a world where a girl like Maria Shriver is cheated-on by her husband just makes me shake my head) was signing her new self-help book. I told her I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life...I was newly graduated and freaking-out.

Maria told me not to freak-out...what I was feeling what completely normal and that everything was going to be okay.

I thanked her and told her how pretty her hair looked (it was curly that day.)

The next day, I was checking for jobs on MediaBistro.com and came across a posting for a book publicity company whose clients included Maria Shriver.

The contact for this job?

WAS THE YOUNG WOMAN I JUST MET IN CHURCH!

Everything started to make sense.

Maria Shriver TOLD me everything was going to be okay, and then there was her in, in a job posting for a position I was most certainly qualified for, with the contact being somebody I had met in church. (A sign from God if there ever was one!)

I emailed the woman and reminded her of who I was.

I was certain this was it.

I envisioned my new cubicle.

The woman wrote back and told me that the position had sadly been filled.

Okay, didn't this girl GET it? Didn't she know about all the signs? Maria Shriver TOLD me everything was going to be okay and I was intent on MAKING everything okay!

Last week, I was sitting behind this girl in church. She had never come back to volunteer with the kids after that one time and I hadn't seen her since.

I was wondering if this was another sign...if I was supposed to talk to her, remind her of who I was (probably freak her out).

Maybe she had a great job for me or a really nice guy to introduce me to! (I am in the market for both!)

I didn't say anything, but I will...next time.

If I get another sign.

Diana Rissetto

Awful taste, Newsweek. Awful.

2011-06-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I was named after Diana. I was up in the wee small hours of the morning on April 29th. I feel like I grew-up with William and Harry, have that extra-special kinship in that I also lost a parent as a teenager, and I care about them both.

That sad...I think this cover of Newsweek is in horrible taste and I don't understand who thought it was a good idea.

Inside the magazine, you can see what Di's Facebook page might have looked like. (She "is now friends" with Camilla and Prince Charles "likes" this. I really, really wish I was making this up.)

I think it's incredibly sad and I think that, as thick-skinned as I am sure Prince William and Prince Harry have gotten over the years...it has to hurt to see it.

Here's one Di who does not approve...

Diana Rissetto

I never quite felt so Lloyd Dobler in my life.

2011-06-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to quote John Cusack movies besides Serendipity ("Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan...if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.") but a couple of weeks ago?

I was feeling very, very much like Lloyd Dobler.

In Say Anything, John Cusack's character gives Ione Skye's his heart.

And she gives him a pen.

I poured-out my own heart, said some things that were really very hard to put in writing and admit to, and hoped for the best...and by "the best", I mean a friendly, "You're really great! You deserve all the happiness in the world and the best from life!" from this person. (I would have settled for just "great". I didn't even need anything like brilliant//hilarious/talented/one in a gazillion/the next Wendy Wasserstein or anything like that.)

That was really all that I wanted.

And I didn't get that.

I didn't get anything close to that.

Instead, I got a two-word text message.

(And, just so we're on the same page, those two words were not "You're fantastic!")

I felt my heart more or less shatter...not because this wasn't going in the direction of You've Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally... (once again...that is not what I was expecting at all) but because, at that moment, I felt like this person didn't even think I was worth cellphone minutes.

Yes, I felt really terrible!

Although letting-go of that hurt isn't as easy as I wanted it to be, I ended-up vowing to myself that I wouldn't let those two words from that one person have such an effect on me...because NOBODY'S words should,in any kind of uplifting or crushing way.

I could say stuff like, "Well, how about that random woman I met at my friend's show last month? I talked to her for five minutes and she went on-and-on about how wonderful I was. If a total stranger could tell me how great I am...why am I focusing on the negative..." but I shouldn't let that woman's praise positively influence my self-worth any more than this other person's two words did to hurt it. I should be standing on my own two feet and not care either way.

I know that little kids are the best indicators of character and I know that the ones in my life run to me like I'm a celebrity and crack-up at me like I am Jerry Seinfeld. That has to mean something.

I can make a list of all my accomplishments and realize that, even if I'm unemployed at the moment it IS only "at the moment" and I probably HAVE done a lot more than most people my age and I like to think I'm just getting started. More importantly, I KNOW I would never treat the outpouring of anybody's heart (anybody's!!!) with the insignificance of a two-word text message or a pen.

It's just one crazy foreign thought to me.

I don't really feel as sad about this all anymore, but it's more that I am completely baffled by this person's reaction because it's just not like them. I know I can't possibly know what is going-on in somebody else's head, and I can't even try...

I just have to move on. A wise man once told me that we can't sit around and wait for closure...we NEVER fully get closure. We need to just understand what we're feeling and know we have to move on and DO it. There is no other option.

Moving-on with my brilliant//hilarious/talented/one in a gazillion/the next Wendy Wasserstein-self (not because anybody else told me I was...I am telling myself that I am..)

Diana Rissetto

Gratitude 101.

2011-06-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

Last night, I sent a long, rambling, probably very pathetic email to a friend of mine with subject line, "Okay, you're allowed to throw things at me."

I ranted.

I raved.

I overanalyzed.

I made some serious mountains out of mole hills.

Less than an hour later, this friend called me and he began the conversation with, "Okay, I AM going to throw things at you...BECAUSE I love you..."

And, a half hour later, I felt a million times better about the situation.

I was feeling very tossed-away and sad...because of the actions or the non-actions of one person. (We're talking full-on broken heart...see previous entries.) I was letting the way this person treated me effect the way I ultimately felt about myself...which is a very stupid thing to do.

I would not blame this friend if he called me a raving, melodramatic, hypersensitive lunatic and told me to figure-out my problems on my own.

So...while one person's actions disappointed me, another's made me feel better and realize that I am worthy of being loved and respected, because I have friends willing to put-up with me with so much patience and calmness. I don't know what is going-on on that other person's end, but I do know what I can expect from the friends that really DO care about me...and that's all that matters...and for that, I am grateful.

Diana Rissetto

A nose is a nose is a nose.

2011-06-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Last night, a male friend and I were talking about another guy we both know, who is, by all accounts, quite a stellar young man (at least, in my opinion.)...handsome (while also being very adorable at the same time), talented, funny, smart...(etc. etc. etc.)

I brought-up that despite all of that, he seems very insecure sometimes and has absolutely no reason to be, since he's pretty fantastic and should realize that.

My friend was able to explain this with a theory of his...he said he was sure that this guy didn't quite grow into his looks until he was a young adult, and when he was in high school and college, just felt like an awkward mess because he was "all nose." My friend said he had the same problem and didn't quite feel like an attractive young man until he was out-of-college, because he, too, felt like he was "all nose."

I never even realized that either one of these guys had big noses. Or even remotely big noses...certainly nothing to be self-conscious about. I'm not even kidding.

When Olympic champion Evan Lysacek was all over the place for a while, I commented that he looked like an old friend of mine, Sean. My mom said, "Oh, yeah...he was the kid with the big nose."

I pictured Sean's face. "Sean didn't have a big nose!"

My mom replied, "Diana, he looked just like Evan...and Evan has a big nose."

We then argued about whether or not Evan Lysacek had a big nose.

I still don't think he does.

Maybe I am blind.

Or maybe I just find large noses attractive.

Consider other men I find pretty darn great.

Adrien Brody (whose big nose isn't even his own natural big nose, but the result of having a broken one years ago.) That nose gives that face some serious character.

James McAvoy as Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. (I'm sorry...it's near impossible to unadorablize James McAvoy.) When I first saw this movie, I wasn't even sure if he had a fake nose...but it didn't matter. How many young man can be just as attractive as a Fawn as they are a heartsick World War I soldier?

An earlier Harry Connick, Jr. (honestly, his nose doesn't seem that big at ALL these days...even to me...maybe he, too, had to grow into it. Maybe Harry Connick, Jr. is painfully insecure as well. Who knows?)

The supersweet and talented Broadway actor, Sebastian Arcelus...who WILL talk about his nose if you get him started on it.

I don't really see what's wrong with having a big nose. Who says noses need to be "not big" in order to look good?

If that young man really IS insecure because, deep down, he feels like the kid who felt out-of-place because of his big nose, I hope he can learn to realize just how great he really is...schnoz and all.

**(After several sad and emotional entries in a row, I needed this one!) **

Diana Rissetto

A broken heart is a broken heart is a broken heart.

2011-06-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling the hurt of one lately...and I don't even think I have a legitimate, significant excuse to have one. All around me, I see people that really DO have reasons to claim their hearts are broken. I am witnessing people finding out their partners of many years have cheated on them...friends contemplating calling-off their engagements...and my problem? Just seems so petty and seventh grade and like one of the Mary Anne and Logan editions of The Baby-Sitter's Club.

But...really?

I'm realizing if you feel like you have a broken heart, then you feel like you have a broken heart. These things aren't meant to be explained and if there was any logic to any of it, we'd well be able to avoid it all and the pain that comes with it. My feelings ARE legitimate and significant, because they are my feelings.

I feel pretty sad right now, and I'll give myself a little time to listen to "You Don't Know Me", "I Wish You Love" and Billy Joel's "And So It Goes" on repeat and then, I'm sure, I'll be feeling better.

I'm remembering that "without a hurt, the heart is hollow" and...who knows? Maybe it can be used as fuel to get something great written.

Diana Rissetto

Most of the time, people don't act the way you want them to.

2011-06-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

Lesson learned the hard way.

I've had a lot of let-downs lately.

Today, I told myself that I can't expect people to act the way that I want them to or the way I'd act if I were them.

That doesn't make them bad people...it just makes them different from me. (And I learned many years ago, time and again, that the majority of the world isn't nearly as sensitive as I am.)

It's okay to feel completely crushed sometimes (as I do today) because I can remember, not too long ago, when everything was going right and I felt so great about my life and the world. I think about the patient, loving, supportive friends (God bless them...seriously) I have that outweigh the people that disappointed me. I think about that random stranger lady I met at a play last month who kept telling me how she could tell I was something special.

When I think about all of those things and people, I feel a little better.

I'm still going to sleep tonight with a heavy heart (I won't say it's broken), but I know I'll also feel a lot better tomorrow...because anything can happen tomorrow.

Diana Rissetto

Happy Birthday Matthew Lapierre

2011-06-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

I lost track of days and completely forgot one of my very bestest's birthdays.

I have a habit of randomly talking to people I don't know at shows.

I'm glad that I do that.

Because at one of these shows, seven years ago, I met Matthew Lapierre, in Joe's Pub, at a concert where Cheyenne Jackson, a then somewhat unknown actor I had befriended the year before, was performing. (Who knew that one day, we would be IN Cheyenne Jackson's dressing room together. Things truly do come full circle.)

During those seven years, Matthew Lapierre and I have developed more inside jokes with each other than I have ever had with any other person other than my sister.

Heffalumps.

Jenn Colella.

Waynesville, Ohio.

Kiddo from West Side Story and his glorious solo.

Yeah...I know...you're not laughing...these things aren't funny to you.

But they are funny to me and Matthew Lapierre and that is really all that matters.

My mother would really love for me to marry Matthew Lapierre and...who knows! It just could happen one day...as long as we can have a Cole Porter wedding.

A very big HAPPY BIRTHDAY, eternal apologies that I totally confused my days, to a very stand-up guy...

Matthew Lapierre.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT! I LOVE YOU!

Diana Rissetto

Come tomorrow...

2011-06-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

When you are in the midst of a broken heart, and somebody very close to you is also piecing together a very broken heart, and you're unemployed and frustrated and feeling a bit lonely and confused and don't feel like you are being a particularly good writer or a friend or family member...your mind starts to wander a lot.

I went to Our Lady of Pompeii elementary school when I was a kid. It's in the heart of Greenwich Village, and just a few blocks away from where my parents also went to elementary school and grew-up. (My mom grew-up in a building with all of her cousins...I think I will be forever be envious of that childhood. I will always be forever envious that I wasn't alive during the 50's.) I have memories of going to my great-aunt's store on Sunday mornings, sitting on the counter and drinking a Yoo-Hoo. (Yoo-Hoos make me very nostalgic.)

Yesterday, I had a job interview (which is what I do most days) and then wandered around, all by myself, trying to collect my thoughts. I've had a rough few weeks...it's one of those times when it doesn't feel like anything is really going right and sometimes it helps to walk around aimlessly and think about things. I would call it the Quarterlife Crisis, but I should be beyond that right. (Doubtful I will live to be over 100...but here's hoping.)

I ended-up sitting in the little park by my old school, watching kids in my old school uniform run by for probably over an hour. One little girl (she was probably in the fourth grade) was telling her mother that some boy announced that she wanted to kiss him and she just LAUGHED at him. The mom applauded the little girl and said, "That is EXACTLY what you are supposed to do! LAUGH at him! So he doesn't know you're upset...if you act upset, he'll bother you more. Just keep laughing in his face!"

I laughed to myself.

Excellent advice ALL of us girls should learn at 9 and I hope the little girl remembers it.

Twenty years ago (twenty years!), I was running through those very doors, making my first communion, playing Baby-Sitter's Club in the street at recess, writing my very first stories.

I thought about how this area was my family and my "old stomping grounds" and now I can't imagine ever being able to afford to live there! It made me quite sad. I wondered how different my life might have been had my family never moved and I had graduated 8th grade in that very school with the same faces I had seen every day since kindergarten. I couldn't imagine...(oddly enough, many of them have found me on Facebook. It's funny...I know that I remember everybody but never really realized that people might also remember me.)

I thought about all the various twists and turns my life has taken, the people I have met along the way...and deep deep down, how it always seems to fall into place and that I shouldn't regret a thing.

Weird thoughts started to cross my mind...I started thinking, "If my family had never left, would my entire life had been on a different track right now? Maybe my father never would have died, maybe I would have written a Broadway play or a hit movie by now, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here trying to piece together a broken heart and was instead in a blissfully happy relationship where I was very much appreciated and maybe I wouldn't be sitting on this very bench, frustrated at the thought of another crazy jobhunt wild goose chase."

(I realize, logistically, nothing about this makes any sense whatsoever, but when you're upset and not feeling your greatest, you do think about these things.)

I was recently telling a friend all of this and he told me, "You gotta have faith that everything you're going through is leading to something fantastic."

I have to keep reminding myself that, and hope one day, I will look back at that time in my life where nothing seemed to be going right and realize that it all eventually made sense...that things didn't work-out with that boy, or that job, or that old neighborhood because something infinitely greater was on its way.

I completely love Peter Cincotti and also love reading his lyrics as much as I love his voice. Honestly, I'm not even sure if he wrote the lyrics of this song, but I listened to it several times last night and it seemed to connect with the thoughts that have been going through my head lately.

"And I turn the corner, hoping that I'll see/a miracle, just waiting there for me...."

Diana Rissetto

The trees on Golden Avenue were green as Irish morning
We were wearing caps and gowns
My mother took a photograph
I was the only one not smiling, I was too big for this town
I can't believe that I was only 17
A catholic punk who couldn't wait to scream

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
I'll be drinking sunlight and dancing on the moon
I'll find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'll be rolling like a pair of dice, come tomorrow

The trees on Golden Avenue were bitter red this morning
As I shuffled through the crowd
Another dose of daily news, another cup of coffee
The same old runaround
And I turn each corner hoping that I'll see
A miracle just waiting there for me

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/peter-cincotti-lyrics/come-tomorrow-lyrics.html]
I'll be drinking sunlight and dancing on the moon
I'll find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'll be rolling like a pair of dice, come tomorrow

Going nowhere, like leaves are blowing past my window
Caught up in a wind they can't control
That's my story, a two bit kind of Peter Pan
Who never tried for Neverland
And I think it's time to find my wings and go

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
I'll be drinking sunlight, dancing on the moon
Find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'm gonna make it up to paradise, come tomorrow
Come tomorrow, come tomorrow

When you have plenty of time on your hands, you get to support the arts a lot.

2011-06-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

This past week, I have been able to catch a lot of great theatre.

Last Sunday, my friend, his roommate and I caught a double feature...the matinee of The Normal Heart on Broadway and the (sadly) late Lucky Guy off-Broadway.

I have always found stories of the early days of the AIDS epidemic fascinating and heartbreaking...I've read And the Band Played On several times (and if you've seen how large that book is, you'd find it quite strange that "read" and "several times" would even be used in the same sentence) and Longtime Companion, which tells the story of the day in the life of each year for ten years of a circle of friends, starting with the day the New York Times announced there was a strange new disease spreading among young gay men, is among one of my favorite movies. (One of many reasons why I love that film so much...Campbell Scott. Why wouldn't Colleen Dewhurst and George C. Scott have one insanely talented son?)

The one thing that kept going through my mind while watching The Normal Heart , especially sitting next to a close friend who happens to be a young, gay man, is that had we all been born twenty years earlier, that would have been our generation...we would have been watching many of our friends die. (I know I'm speaking like EVERY young woman in America hangs-out with mostly gay men and that's not the case at all.) It's truly the most terrifying, numbing thought and I'll always be incredibly grateful that we weren't around for that.

This production is fantastic, each and every performance is beautiful. (I will be very honest in admitting that when I see Ellen Barkin, I can't get Faerie Tale Theatre's "The Princess Who Had Never Laughed" out of my head. In fact, until The Normal Heart, that was my favorite Ellen Barkin performance of all time..not gonna lie.When she finally laughs at the end, and you KNOW it's just because she really loves Howie Mandel and wants to marry him...stirring.)

A very heart-wrenching, devastating show...will be rooting for the show to win Best Revival at the Tony's next week, and I think Ellen's going to take home her own statue.(On a disappointing note, one of my very favorite guys, Cheyenne Jackson, was supposed to be in this show, but wasn't able due to a conflicting television filming schedule. While every single actor on that stage was terrific, it would have been extra-special to have my buddy up there.)

That night, we caught Lucky Guy. Since the show has since closed (that very day, in fact), I don't want to say too much about it, since it will just make you all feel really bad that you didn't get to see it. (All four of you reading this right now...there are 5, but Matt is one of them, and he WAS there with me.)

All I WILL say about Lucky Guy is that Jenn Colella should just be in every single show ever produced.

Ever.

She really, really should.

We gave her entrance applause and a standing ovation.

I am not kidding.

On Friday night, I went to go see Midnight in Paris with my good pal Megan. Megan and I became friends when we were both cast in a high school production of Play it Again, Sam so it is appropriate that we would go see Woody Allen's latest together.

This was one of the best movies I have seen in a very long time.

In fact, several times during this movie, I proclaimed, probably way too loudly, "I LOVE THIS MOVIE!"

Because I just really, really did.

I will go so far as to say that it made my heart soar. The writer in me connected with the writer main character...played WONDERFULLY by Owen Wilson...who feels he was born in the wrong era.

It was just so clever..so funny...so poignant...so darn quotable.

And, so, so Woody Allen.

Mr.Allen has still got it.

And, I always say that the only thing that can make a great movie even greater is a cameo by Adrien Brody which you didn't even know was going to happen...and then suddenly comes Mr. Brody (whom I love. That last scene in The Pianist when he is sitting at his piano and he looks-up and smiles...and that entire movie seems to be summed-up in this lovely, heartbreaking smile of his...just brilliant) appeared playing Salvador Dali.

He is so good. They all are. The whole movie is.

This girl who was almost named "Annie Hall" gives this film two very enthusiastic thumbs-up and anxiously awaits the DVD release with lots of extras and deleted scenes. It awakened the writer in me and made me remember what is really important. I want to write something that good.

Today, I went upstate to see Carl Howell, an extremely talented young actor that starred in my romantic comedy Pigeons, Knishes and Rockettes last year, in the World's End Theatre production of Chekhov's The Seagull. My gut told me Carl was the guy for my show before he even auditioned, and I apparently have really great instincts because this guy has some serious star quality. I have only ever seen one other Chekhov tale on stage, which was a musical production of The Black Monk that my friend starred in a few years ago. The shows were similar to each other...they started-out rather light and then just kept getting deeper and sadder. (In The Black Monk, my friend's character lost his mind and there was the most gut-wrenching scene with him eating pancakes with his hands towards the end. For some odd reason, that scene really got to me. I had to remind myself that it was just a play...but I am yet to go to a diner with this friend for any breakfasts for dinner since then.) The Seagull is also a story about a writer and a lot of it really kind of depressed me as a writer, but the story is brilliantly written and the actors were excellent. I know one day I'll be very proud to tell people that Carl starred in one of my shows back when he was a young actor making it in New York City.

It was also nice to see a different part of New York State. I actually said out loud, "Hey! I think we're near the Almanzo Wilder Boyhood Home Museum!" (My mother told me that we were, most certainly, not stopping there.)

Great, inspiring arts=all around us.

Diana Rissetto

Sometimes I look up expressions on IdiomDictionary.com

2011-05-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

It's fun...maybe it's the writer in me...just to look-up expressions and see how easily they can be defined when we're just so used to using them that we never even think twice about it.

I looked-up what it means to wear one's heart on one's sleeve today.

I do that.

I do that all the time.

Not only is my heart on my sleeve, but it's in a really, really vivid fluorescent pink color.

I remember when my father first became ill when I was 15. I didn't tell anybody for a while, and then one morning a teacher I didn't even HAVE that semester pulled me into her classroom before the day started. She told me I hadn't been my bubbly self lately, that all of my friends and teachers were very worried about me.

How did somebody I didn't even see in class every day know that something was (so very much so) wrong?

I was just that transparent.

I remember when I had developed a big crush on an "older guy" (he was 24 to my 19...and yet that seemed so grown-up back then!) I was working with. Another coworker guessed my secret right away and said that it was so easy to tell with me...that I became one of those doe-eyed cartoon characters whenever he was around.

There's that transparency again.

Although I should have grown-up a lot since both of these incidents, I still wear my heart on my sleeve...but recently I felt that just being like that wasn't good enough...that I needed to really be open about my feelings to somebody...and I was. I never really felt the need to pour-out my heart and mind before, because I always figured people knew exactly how I felt...they always were able to tell in the past...and that it wasn't necessary.

But a couple of weeks ago, I decided, just to be sure somebody knew how I felt, I needed to write it all in a long email stating my case. I have never found any kind of peace writing "letters never sent." (I've tried.) I need to send those letters, need to know the person has read them and, unfortunately...really need a response.

I never got a response from that email I sent...and I would be lying if I said it isn't really bothering me, that I haven't reread that outpouring of emotions a thousand times and wondered if I said something tragically wrong that eternally cost me a friendship.

Right now, I am wondering if it was worth it...should I have just continued to wear my heart on my sleeve, hoping that everybody would just know my entire story by looking at me...or did I do the right thing by telling this person how I felt? I don't like the thought that silence means indifference...I hope, in this case, it doesn't.

Maybe I'm really naive and need to stop being such a mess of emotions. Maybe I have to stop expecting people to act the way that I would act and that not everybody has the misfortune and blessing of being one of the top 10% of Most Sensitive People in the World...

Diana Rissetto

A beautiful song that rings quite true...

2011-05-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins
This is where our story ends
Never lovers, ever friends
Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day
But before you walk away
I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring to give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health and more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

Sometimes you need a pep talk from a total stranger to give you a push.

2011-05-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

Last week, I ventured way out of my usual boundaries and went to Washington DC. I have never been to Washington DC, as much as a US History geek I am. I realized there are indeed OTHER cities out there besides that "island in two rivers."

While I was there, I was able to catch my old friend, Sebastian Arcelus, in A Time to Kill.

Sebastian is one of those people that you talk to and walk away saying, "His parents did a wonderful job raising him! In fact, if I had a son that was about five years older than I am...I hope he would be as nice a young man as Sebastian!"

I have seen Sebastian in so many productions in New York City, so it was fun to see him in a small theater in a new city. Since I was sitting alone, I did what I always do and started talking to the person sitting next to me, an older woman who commented on how, judging from the bios in the programs, it seemed like all the actors in the show usually did musicals. I told her, "Yes, my friend is the lead and I've never seen him in a show that wasn't a musical!"

I then went-on to sing Sebastian's praises. He's just such a nice guy! He really is! Full of so much joy and goodness and it's lovely seeing somebody like him find success on stage!

She asked me if he was a romantic interest, and I laughed and said, no...he's a friend and also married to a beautiful Broadway star.

We kept talking and I told her how I was from the NYC area and had lost my job in November and that I was also a playwright.

Total Stranger Lady then went on-and-on about how she couldn't believe I would have a struggle finding a job because, her exact words:

"Diana, WHO COULD RESIST YOU?"

She told me I had a light about me, that I was beautiful and so cute and funny and that she wished she could help me out.

She asked me about the plays I've written and when I told her about the one that was off-Broadway last year, she said that, by the title alone, she could tell it was DELIGHTFUL.

She then brought-up that I really, REALLY needed to meet her son, who was single, lived in New York City, had a great job, owned his own place and really loved Les Miserables when she took him to see it at the Kennedy Center when he was in high school.

She and her husband gave the show a standing ovation at the end and told me to tell my friend that he had been fantastic.

As I said goodbye to my new friend, she wished me good luck and told me that, in her book, I had already gotten the "cutest girl job".

She told me everything was going to be just great for me...that she just "knew it."

Maybe I should be offended by being judged by my appearance or cute factor and I'm sure many feminists would have been, but I've learned to never turn down a compliment.

I had a bit of an emotional struggle that weekend due to other events, so perhaps that Total Stranger Lady entered my life when I needed her the most.

I promise, Total Stranger Lady, as SOON as I start to figure ANYTHING out, I am going to "pay it forward" and give advice to the random lost young disheartened person sitting next to me at a play.

I promise.

Diana Rissetto

I am really glad there are three versions of the song "You Don't Know Me" which I really love...

2011-05-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

...because I listened to that song a million times over the past few days and it's good to have some variation.

It's nice to know somebody else had the same exact feelings and put them into a song. I'm not the first person to feel this way and I won't be the last. I do hate that you can't "feminize" this song and unless I'm singing about a man who has walked-off with another man (oddly, that has never happened to me), that "lucky guy" line is the only thing that doesn't 100% fit.

Sometimes closure takes many years to find, and sometimes you need to go far away from home (or a lot further than you usually go when you're as much as a homebody as I am) to get that closure...and know that the people you can really count on to call and cry and overanalyze everything to are always just a phone call away. (And they'll also never say "I told you so." That's the best part about these friends.)

The truth is, the right person would never come with a ton of things to overanalyze and you'd never walk away crying from that right person. If things were meant to be, they would have been...and they weren't...and that's going to have to be okay.

I'm a little backwards...I'm hopelessly romantic...and I'm probably extremely naive. I keep wondering when I'm going to finally grow-out of it all, but I don't think that I ever really will. Maybe this closure will be a major step towards that.

It definitely still can hurt quite a bit...but..."without a hurt, the heart is hollow", right?

Diana

(For the record, those three versions are:
Peter Cincotti
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1aZsUCy-5E

Harry Connick, Jr.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYhMicWjv88

Michael Buble
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7k2y08dSV4)

You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me

I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too

You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
You'll never never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me

Yes, I had my alarm clock set for 3:45AM on Friday.

2011-05-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Once, I asked my mom, "Did you catch Matt Lauer's interview with the boys?"

She told me she had and we talked about Matt Lauer's interview with the boys for a few minutes...before we realized that she was talking about Bon Jovi and I was talking about William and Harry. (After my mom asked me,"Why are you getting so protective over Ritchie Sambora???")

I can't help it...I have always really cared about those boys.

I cared about that wedding.

No, I honestly don't know why the world was so fascinated with it.

I can't even really tell you why I was so fascinated with it.

I guess I have a few explanations for my personal interest...I was named after Princess Diana.

William is a couple of months younger than me, so, in that sense, I feel like I grew-up with him. He also lost his mother around the same time I lost my father...there's that automatic kinship you feel with others who lose a parent at a young age. (Perhaps the only thing I will ever have in common with the Kardashian sisters...)

I would be lying if I said the thought of meeting Prince William and telling him my name and he smiling and responding with, "Ah, yes. That is a very easy name for me to remember" has never crossed my mind.

But, yes...I cared!

I think I was more interested in this wedding than I was in weddings I actually attended of people I actually knew.

I flipped-around until I found the "right" coverage to watch, settling on The Today Show. I wished I had pursued broadcast journalism like I had planned-on when I was younger. (I think that dream died when I noticed they never had curly hair.) I could have been a correspondent! I could have been there...in a fancy hat! Instead...I was on a couch, in my pajamas, on my third cup of coffee with a very sleepy dog sitting next to me. (She didn't understand why we were up so early either.)

Posh and Becks (I've learned that's what the Brits call Victoria and David Beckham) were the first big names to arrive, but what I was really wondering was, "What will Sir Elton John be wearing?" (Did anybody catch his interview with Barbara Walters last week? Cutest thing ever. He loves that baby!)

Sir Elton and David Furnish soon arrive and are shown to their seats...nice tie, Sir J. (Also, Kate and Will's first dance was to "Your Song", covered by somebody else. I think if Elton John was at my wedding and my song was an Elton John classic...I'd want him singing it...but that's just me.)

Matt Lauer also informed us that it is considered offensive to dress to draw attention to one's self at a Royal Wedding. If that's the case, I would love to know how we're not supposed to notice some of those HATS. No, really. HOW?

(I had originally heard that Abba was going to be performing at the reception, but never heard about that again...maybe they cancelled on them because they were worried that things would get a bit too wild once Camilla grabbed the mic and started belting-out, "The Winner Takes it All.")

I started my "awwwwe-ing" and tearing-up once Harry and Will entered and started greeting guests, blowing kisses to their relatives and friends and joking around. I couldn't help it. As I said earlier, I DO feel like I grew-up with these boys and I can't help but remember watching them walking side-by-side back in 1997 when their mom died. (William was so much taller than Harry back then.) They've gone through so much together. I remember how noticeable my father's absence was at my sister's wedding. Those feelings are quite universal and I knew that those boys (why am I calling them boys? They're really not) were feeling those very same feelings at that moment.

I wanted to hug them both, but I realized watching this coverage...British people aren't too fond of hugging. (Imagine having to curtsey to your mother-in-law?)

When I saw Kate's gown, I wasn't surprised at all by what she chose and I really hope she can bring long sleeved wedding gowns back in style. I'm not getting married any time soon, but it's nice to know they'll be in stock!

I tried to figure-out what Harry said to William when he saw Kate walking down the aisle, and I thought it was something along the lines of, "Don't worry...she showed-up!" (At that moment, William was no longer my favorite Royal brother as he always was. My heart now officially belongs to Prince Harry.)

Also put my lipreading skills to work to decipher what William said to Kate when he first saw her, and some experts have said, "You look beautiful, I love you", while FOX News' lipreading expert claims it was, "You look stunning, babe."

Both work.

They're so cute! The way they look at each other is just so beautiful!

I watched the couple ride around in their carriage and Harry riding around in a carriage surrounded by little children. (I have always said that the only thing that can make an adorable guy any cuter is to see him in a horse-drawn carriage surrounded by little children. Works every time.)

I watched them kiss on the balcony.

They look so happy! So lovely!

I wish I could have been at the reception. Apparently, Harry's speech was brilliant. I told my mother that, and she said it couldn't have been as brilliant as the speech I gave at my sister's wedding (thank you, thank you.) Kate and Wills also performed "You're the One that I Want" from Grease. I didn't think I could love those two any more than I already did...but...if that's true, I kinda do.

I really, truly hope that this is "happily ever after." I know I don't know these people. I know I shouldn't care...but I want it to work-out! I don't want to be reading about affairs and lies in a few years. I want them to stay as happy as they looked on April 29th!

Maybe this has nothing to do with William and Kate. Maybe I'm just tired of unhappy endings and want to keep a tiniest bit of the hopeless romantic alive in me.

And...there's still a shot for me and Harry...I could be on the cover of OK! Magazine with "The New Diana?" or "...But Could There EVER Be Another Diana?" across my picture.

(Also, I've been in a bit of a rough spot lately and Kate's sister, Pippa Middleton, has reminded me of just how fast things can turn around for one person. I mean...on Thursday, nobody knew who this girl was and now there are Facebook pages dedicated to her butt. It's amazing how things can change, isn't it?)

Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations. Lots of happiness and blessings for this lovely couple.

I also decided that I am going to start pronouncing my first name the way the Brits do and pronouncing the word "literally" the way the Brits do.

Diana Rissetto

My childhood friend and I have started soul-searching with each other...

2011-04-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

...we hadn't spoken in almost ten years and then he contacted me last year. We were good friends from the fourth grade on and it's always nice welcoming old friends back into your life.

Today we were talking about similar situations we are in and he said the following:

why is it that both of us, who are clearly being overlooked by people whose lives would be improved by our presence in them, cannot get the (effing) hint and move on to greener pastures where we can be appreciated?

I wish I know...I wish I know.

Maybe we're just dumb.

Diana Rissetto

12 years is a long time...

2011-04-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

Within the dark in the sky above I see a sign
Within the distant clouds I see a friend of mine
And then as the shadows disappear
He smiles at me
And I know
He's watching

He lives within the heaven
And he lives within my mind
All I can feel is the love he left behind
Then he will whisper in my ear
He tells me, I should know he's watching

And now I'm grown
I'm strengthened by the tears I've never shown
I'm strengthened by the years I've never known
Once afraid of facing them alone
And every day I always have some place to go
I've travelled very far from the life I used to know
But still when I close my eyes and dream
I feel him near and I know
He's watching-Peter Cincotti

A Part of it All...

2011-04-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Last summer, lyrics to the songs from the musical [title of show] were running through my head as I worked on my first original, full-length (off-off) Broadway production.

"Our show, however small, will have been part of it all.

Our show was extremely small and terribly simple and probably nauseatingly sweet and sacchrine. Most reviews we got said things like, "The Fringe Festival is usually pretty edgy...but this show isn't." (And I was okay with that and had no desire to write anything that wasn't "me".)

I met some wonderful people through the experience and it also brought-out more wonderful sides of people I already knew who were willing to help me, no matter how crazy I got.

And when you least expect
Opportunity walks through the door
You suddenly connect
With the thing that you forgot
That you were looking for

And there you are
Right in the middle of what you love
With the craziest of company
You're having a kick-ass time
And being who you wanted to be in this world

A few years ago, I was working on a collaboration with a close friend. The friendship and the show sadly came to an end and I saw [title of show] shortly after. I went by myself, sat-off to the side and cried my heart-out. A lot about the show hit very close to home. I emailed Hunter Bell to tell him how much I appreciated the show and about the issues I had with my own writing partner. Because this community is so small, I ran into Hunter in the street not long after and poured my heart-out a little more.

Writers are emotional people.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a frustrating day. In November, I lost my job "in the industry" which meant a lot to me. I felt like a big shot with this job. I felt like I was a small part of it all. I had three job interviews and came from most of them exhausted and confused as to exactly what I was doing or even what I wanted to do.

And then Hunter Bell was sitting near me at the Renaissance Diner.

We had a pleasant interaction and when I walked away, I realized that I ran into Hunter for a reason.

This guy IS a part of it all...not because he was the assistant to a major Broadway producer (which was, I'm not going to lie, an extremely amazing experience which I never would have traded for anything.)

He is a part of it all because he was a writer...and that's what I want to be as well. I want to find my own way. He started-out as a "nobody in New York" and now he's a Tony nominated writer.

Anything is possible when you put your heart onto paper and it ends-up on a stage.

Diana Rissetto

At the risk of sounding like an old lady...

2011-03-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

Prince Harry is such a doll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZTRjZ7SV9Y

From one Diana to another...those boys were raised right.

Diana Rissetto

A few months ago, I made a Vision Board.

2011-03-30T18:01:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I am trying to follow The Secret.)

It was easy to fill with images of things I would like for my life...

My idol, Wendy Wasserstein...brilliant, hilarious, relatable. She also had crazy curly hair and a young-sounding voice. Here she is triumphantly throwing her arms in the air after she won her Pulitzer for The Heidi Chronicles.

Sebastian Arcelus and Stephanie J. Block. I had been friendly with Sebastian for years and even though I don't know Stephanie, they just look and seem SO happy together. I want that! I absolutely want that!

I filled it with other things...cute little kids with curly hair, a logo for Family Channel 25 Days of Christmas (I want my play Pigeons, Knishes and Rockettes to one day be in that lineup).

Today I realized something else that I want, that I need to envision for my future.

Woody Allen failed out of a film course at NYU. Woody Allen...one of the most brilliant writers of our time. (My name was almost Annie Hall.)

HE FAILED FILM.

I have hit a rather rough patch lately and I am going to remember that...and I am imagining, twenty years from now...I'll be on one of those lists of "Can Ya Believe It?"

"Can 'ya believe it...that Diana Rissetto was laid-off from THREE jobs in theatrical offices before she won her Tonys? Wow!"

Envision. Envision. Envision.

Diana Rissetto

Guess that's why they call it the blues...

2011-03-30T17:49:00.001-07:00

Singing along to Elton John songs as I apply to jobs. (Beats the Military Channel, my usual background noise as I submit away. I am starting to have nightmares that I am trapped in war-related situations and I am worried about finding a job...I also wake-up and realize how fortunate I am from those dreams, though.)

Diana Rissetto

Feel Better, Judge Judy

2011-03-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

Ever since a certain legendary news anchor yelled at me and you grabbed me by the hand and told me not to worry about her...I have felt a connection with you, Judge Judy.

Get better soon!

Diana Rissetto

Hmmm...

2011-03-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan...if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

Lesson on why you should never overreact....

2011-03-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

I generally don't like it when people get all vocally depressed about their birthdays. All those "I'm soooooooooo old!" Facebook statuses are just annoying (and, not to mention, attention-seeking. If you were genuinely upset, you wouldn't be bringing attention to it.)

However, this year, I am feeling it a bit, because I'm struggling with a few things and am also pretty bored, which gives me more time to obsess and worry.

On Thursday, I ripped open a birthday card from a relative which was a funny card about how my body is falling apart and I am sooooooo old.

I still get carded at Rated R movies and I plan to age JUST like Bernadette Peters (long curly hair and fair skin) but I'm old. The card told me so.

I was really annoyed. Not a nice card to get.

I was upset at the relative for being so insensitive and sending such a card to a girl in my position.

I was really letting that card get to me.

And then on Friday, I get another envelope from the same relative. Inside, a perfectly lovely floral birthday card.

I said, "Why did they send me two cards?"

And then realized...

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

I had accidentally opened a birthday card meant for somebody else.

That "You're falling apart, you're so old!" card"

Was meant for a man in his sixties.

I don't know HOW I missed that it wasn't my name in the envelope OR IN THE CARD.

I feel so dumb and like such an overly sensitive freak, but it was really kinda comedic.

Diana Rissetto

What came first...the chicken or the Pulitzer-winning playwright?

2011-03-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

I have often heard that a writer's life is very solitary and lonely. These past few months, I have felt a bit solitary and lonely but it has nothing to do with being a writer.

It has to do with being unemployed and not having anywhere to go every day.

When I was laid-off in November, so many people told me that NOW was the time to do things I wouldn't normally get to do. Your options are sorely limited, however, when you don't have money to do things with...if my name was Ivanka (nothing against Ivanka...I like Ivanka), I'd be able to take classes and travel. It's not. While I am extremely fortunate that I have a roof over my head (and I will never forget that), being unemployed is excruciatingly boring, when it's not extremely depressing and frustrating.

I have had others remind me that now I have all the time in the world to write...which is true...but at the same time, I realized that I do my best writing when I'm on the train after a long day. I write and write, then try to figure-out my handwriting and type everything-up. But, when I have no where to go every day, I have no train to take home. I'm not interacting with people all day, making random observations on the street. That's what keeps my mind running and what makes me (I think) a good writer. Lately, I've just been so incredibly bored that it's difficult for me to sit down and write.

I refuse to be bored anymore! I am promising myself that. I am researching cheap classes to take, places to volunteer at, new books to read. I am looking for at least part-time jobs (which are also pretty hard to find right now.) I am making an effort to meet-up with friends I haven't seen in a while or friends I don't know that well. Yesterday, I hung-out with my little niece and nephews...those children do not know the meaning of the word "bored"! I need to take a lesson from them.

I am a much better writer when I am busy...despite having such limited time to actually write. I wonder how many other writers are like that.

I'm sure in a few months, I'll have a new job and will be complaining that I don't have a free moment anymore. Isn't that how it always works? And when that happens, I will reread this entry.

(The same way I always promise that I'm going to remember how brutal winter is and never complain when it's 90 degrees in the city in August and everything smells like pickles.)

I'm good...it's all good.

Diana Rissetto

Among the people I am honestly jealous of in this world...

2011-03-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

...are people who are able to fall asleep on a regular basis.

They're just so lucky.

Diana Rissetto

I was debating going to see The Adjustment Bureau

2011-03-22T19:40:00.001-07:00

Matt: I just saw The Adjustment Bureau.

Me: Oh, would I like it?

Matt: Matt Damon wears an old-fashioned hat. So...YES.

Diana Rissetto

More words to live by...

2011-03-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

"You just stand on your own two feet. The world belongs to you as much as to the next fella, so don't give it up. And try not to be scared of people not liking you, just you try liking them. And just keep your faith, and your courage, and you'll turn out all right" Carousel

If you catch me on a bad day...

2011-03-21T08:22:00.001-07:00

...you would find me crying over a fish sticks commercial.

I can't help it. That song "Make Someone Happy" just always gets to me.

Diana Rissetto

And this is what we call "perspective."

2011-03-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a ticket for a matinee performance of a show that was only running for three days. I had a friend in one of the leading roles and he is one of my favorite people to watch on stage. I have also have a very limited social life these days and miss being in New York City daily so much.

And then they announced that trains were suspended.

(Oh, NJ Transit. Don't you ever change.)

I silently "grrrrr"ed to myself and cursed my bad luck.

And then I heard the people next to me talk about how they were waiting for the train so they could visit a 10-year-old girl at Sloan Kettering who had cancer.

And that is what we call "perspective."

Diana Rissetto

Last night, I saw a girl wearing that bearhead thing Ke$ha has on in my previous entry.

2011-03-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

I couldn't believe it.

Has Ke$ha started a trend or is she following one? Are capes with bearheads on top the in thing this spring?

I saw this girl (and her bearhead cape thing) going into the same show I saw last night. After the show, I said to my friend, "Did you see that girl in the bearhead cape thing???" She told me she hadn't, and then when we left the theater, she shushed me because the girl in her bearhead cape thing was standing right there (and I was talking about her.)

Personally, I think if you're going-out in a cape with a bearhead hood, you really should expect people to talk about you. I think you would also be a bit surprised and disappointed if people didn't.

Diana Rissetto

Wow, there really IS a charity for everything!

2011-03-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

We can make scarves for people who rescued Jews in Poland during WWII who are still living!

http://honoringtherighteous.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/knitting-for-rescuers/

Diana Rissetto

I am wearing this outfit for my next job interview...

2011-03-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

I am SO going to get the job if I do.

Does anybody remember Claudia Kishi of The Baby-Sitters Club? Sometimes I feel like Ke$ha is the Claudia Kishi of our day. I could absolutely imagine Claudia Kishi hanging-out in a bear suit at the 5:30 BSC meeting.

From now on, I am going to call this girl Ki$hi.

Diana Rissetto

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2011-03-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure when I started wishing I was Irish. I was really into leprechauns and St. Patrick's Day when I was a child. At my old elementary school, the teachers would put sparkly green dust on the ground on St. Patrick's Day morning.

As I grew-up, I started reading a lot of Maeve Binchy and watching a lot of movies about Irish people. All of my crushes were on young men who looked undeniably Irish. (Chris O'Donnell and several "real" young men whose names I obviously can't list on here.) Towards the end of high school, I completed my first full manuscript, which was about an Irish orphan boy. (After that, all my stories had Irish orphan boys in them.) At 18, I went to Ireland and it remains the most beautiful place I have ever visited.

Here's a clip of Sean Connery singing "A Pretty Irish Girl" in Darby O'Gill and the Little People. This movie isn't on today, but it's ALWAYS on the Fox Movie Channel and the Hallmark Movie Channel in the summertime. Makes sense.

Sean Connery at his finest. 007 WHO?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTwmjOySDjA&NR=1

Diana Rissetto

Because I can be a tad dramatic sometimes...

2011-03-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

...over the past few months, I took it upon myself to make a self-diagnosis of some kind of a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I read-up on various kinds of it and found that it was actually quite common among people who have experienced a similar situation as I was in.

I found myself losing a lot of sleep and fixating on this one day. I relived that day's events over and over in my mind. I blamed myself. I wished it could have all been different. I lost interest in things that used to make me happy. I became very unfocused and distracted. I cried a lot.

Over the past few days, thanks in part to reading Fortytude by Sarah Brokaw, I have been feeling so much better. I stumbled upon emails from "that day" today accidentally and I was able to read through them. I was relaying what was happening to one of my closest friends. I sounded so upset and terrified.

Even though I had been reliving that day in my mind over and over, it wasn't until I read those emails that I really remembered what it had been like...

And it hit me just how just horribly I had been treated. I was the victim in this situation and the person who hurt me was nothing but a despicable coward.

I deserve good things. I deserve to be happy. I deserve peace.

After reading those emails, I was angry at myself for letting that person live in my head rent-free, as my cousin Kerry would put it.

I talk about it all the time on here, but, you know what? I do believe in karma. And I believe if you go through life treating people the way this person treats others, it's going to come back to you one day (if it hasn't already.) I know I'm loved. I know I'm good to people. This person never deserved to have anything to do with me.

And just like I quoted yesterday, the best revenge is to be nothing like the person who wronged you.

I'm already not...and I'm so glad.

Diana Rissetto

Hmmm

2011-03-15T17:51:00.001-07:00

I think I want the dress the girls on Glee are wearing right now.

Diana Rissetto

Words to live by...

2011-03-15T15:02:00.003-07:00

The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury...

8 years ago...

2011-03-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

...wow, 8 years ago?...I did what I do best and randomly started talking to a complete stranger in the park.

That complete stranger turned-out to be a complete kindred spirit and over the years, I have watched him become a superstar...and I also feel like he has taken me along for the ride.

Here's Cheyenne Jackson celebrating the 100th episode of 30 Rock...he'll also be appearing on GLEE next week.

You know who is very lucky?

2011-03-14T08:27:00.001-07:00

Josh Groban's girlfirend.

Does Josh Groban even have a girlfriend?

I've realized how hilarious that guy is. And he has curly hair. And he can sing one mean "O Holy Night."

Diana Rissetto

The most quoteable and helpful book I have read in a long time...

2011-03-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

How much control do we really have over attaining massive wealth or finding the ideal partner? We might waste our lives searching for fortune or Mr. Right and miss every exotic destination, every moving moment and glorious mountain peak, every inspirational person, pleasant distraction, or fascinating side trip as we could have been reveling in along the way. Furthermore, even the term "pursuit of happiness" strikes me as odd. It is implied that happiness is running away from us and we're desperately chasing after it, trying to catch it in our butterfly nets. It suggests that happiness is something we have to strive for rather than something we already have a ride to experience simply by being alive-Sarah Brokaw, Fortytude

This Facebook Fast started something...

2011-03-12T20:41:00.000-08:00

I have found that I really don't miss Facebook at all and was even able to log-in to send a couple of messages (to those I don't normally email).

I didn't stay online to update my status or comment on a photo or check anybody else's page.

I had no need to!

Since I was able to conquer a dependence on Facebook, I asked myself...what's next?

Television.

I have never been one to get into television shows. I had absolutely no idea what anybody was talking about throughout the entire LOST mania. I have never seen an episode of Desperate Housewives. The last television show I watched every week and missed when it went-off the air was Ugly Betty. I promise myself every year that I won't get into Dancing with the Stars, but I always end-up watching just enough of the results show every week in order to know what's going on.

However, even though I don't follow many shows, I still feel like that darned thing is always on.

And I am going to change that right now.

Back when I was working, I was pretty much home only to sleep. I didn't have hours of my day to do "nothing" as I do now. And that TV will be on.

I am going to leave the television completely off this week, with a few rare exceptions. (Such as Cheyenne Jackson appearing on Glee or 30 Rock!)

I mean...King of Queens reruns never stop being hilarious, Say Yes to the Dress, for some reason, is terribly addicting, and I have never been one to pass-on a "give me back my baby" movie marathon on Lifetime.

But, none of these are enriching my life in any way. I get that. And I don't need to watch shows like Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood
so I can know what Ron Howard thinks of the Charlie Sheen situation.

There are books to be read. There are conversations with friends to be had. There are stories and pages of dialogues to be written.

If it's true that television rots your brain, I am ready to find that out.

(And if I find myself really enjoying this "no tv" thing, I am kind of nervous about what I'll end-up giving-up next. I don't know if I'm quite ready to function without running water.)

Diana Rissetto

And just like Beth dying in Little Women...

2011-03-12T11:36:00.003-08:00

...the episode of Little House on the Prairie when Albert dies?

It never gets any easier. Ever.

Fortytude

2011-03-11T18:11:00.000-08:00

Tom Brokaw has always been one of my favorite guys. Maybe it's a strange "favorite guy" for a teenager to have. I always found him enormously comforting to watch, especially in the days which followed 9/11. He always showed that he was indeed human, and a very sensitive human at that. When I was in high school, I sent him a copy of my school's literary magazine. I was published in it and wrote about my connection to "The Greatest Generation", an expression he coined for those of my grandparents' age. A few weeks later, my sister got the mail and came inside saying, "I don't even want to KNOW why you're getting a big envelope from NBC."

Inside that big envelope was a signed copy of The Greatest Generation Speaks. Tom had inscribed, "To Diana, because she understands--Tom Brokaw." It immediately became a prized possession of mine. I knew that Tom had received thousands of letters in response to those books, and this was proof that he took the time to read and respond to every one of them. I always knew he was a great man and now I had proof.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say.

Tom's daughter, Sarah Brokaw, has released her own wonderful book called Fortytude.

My mom told me to turn-on an interview with Sarah on The Today Show last week. I thought she was just telling me that because she knows what a big fan I am of Tom's...but it was because she really liked the things Sarah was saying and knew that I would appreciate them and relate as well.

The tagline is "Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life--through the 40's, 50's, and Beyond."

Okay, since I'm not yet 30, it seems strange I should want to read this book, but as Sarah said, it is a book she wishes was around when she was in her twenties. After reading it, I couldn't agree more.

I finished it yesterday and had a good cry over it. Sarah absolutely, completely, in no doubt "gets it."

The general gist? No, I am 100% what I am doing with my life...I have overwhelming fears and insecurities...but I am going to move through each day and do my best, be happy and enjoy myself.

She talks about panicking and feeling like you are running-out of time to do it all...marriage...children. If you asked me ten years ago, I would have said I'd be married with four kids by now...and I'm not...and I'm glad I'm not, but, at the same time, worried it will never happen. Like she says several times in the book, I definitely don't feel my age and with people often assuming I'm in high school, it makes me feel a bit immature and "too young" for things. I don't feel anywhere near "grown-up" enough to be married or have a child, so I worry if I ever will! (And, really, how am I supposed to look older? Dye my hair gray?)

This past August, I made my off-Broadway debut and I think back to the night we premiered and it was the happiest night of my life. I felt so successful and so many people from all different stages of my life were together at the after party. I want to always feel that happy and successful and loved and am terrified that I'm running-out of time to make it all happen for myself. I was laid-off from my job in November. I was there for three years and it meant so much to me. Since then, I have sunk into a bit of a rough patch. I think back to how happy I was just six months ago and wonder how I managed to make such a 180 since then. I have to remember how happy and successful I felt then and now that it is possible to feel that way again.

Sarah didn't go to her twenty year reunion because she wasn't married with children like all of her old classmates were. I have my own high school reunion story as well...my ten year was this past summer, and I was debating whether or not I was going to go. Thanks to Facebook, I knew that, all of a sudden, so many of my old classmates were married with children and I had a feeling that if I went, I'd come home feeling really down that I wasn't (even though I'm not ready to be and don't really want to be right now) and even asking myself, "Oh, come on. How did THEY manage to get married and I'm not???" I went back-and-forth on the subject, and then I got the dates for my show and it was that very same weekend. I admit, it DID feel good to tell myself, "See? you're one of those people who are too important to go to your high school reunion! You don't need a wedding or a baby to validate yourself!" But, like Sarah says, I later realized that nobody else would care otherwise and I shouldn't let that effect me.

Sarah also discusses how she feels a bit of a misfit in her family, as if she was the only one who didn't know what she was doing. I know exactly what she's saying there as I am the "flaky creative one" in the bunch.

Anyway, I really loved the book and will be recommending it to all of my friends...ages twenty-five and up! I feel like all of us are looking around at the others and thinking that everybody else has it completely figured-out and wondering what exactly we did to fall so far behind...but then I realize that almost all of us feel that way and just aren't vocal about it.

I am vocal about it...and so is Sarah...and I am so grateful for that.

Those Brokaws are good stock.

I am not scared about turning 30...I am approaching it with fortytude. I am approaching it with grace.

Diana Rissetto

Grace

2011-03-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

When we make peace with life events, even when things don't go the way we want, we exhibit grace. When we manage stressful situations with humor, we exhibit grace. When we are accepting of others, we exhibit grace. Grace is not about physical beauty or having a ballerina's poise. It is composed of generosity, forgiveness, and equanimity in the face of trying times.

-Sarah Brokaw, FORTYTUDE

I really wish I have exhibited more grace over the past few months.

Things didn't go my way, I was faced with a stressful situation and I blamed other people. I let myself become somewhat of a raving lunatic. I probably, at least temporarily, scared away a bunch of people that I care about a lot.

I am going to look at everything as a growing experience and be grateful that it all happened. There's really no other choice! I have said a few times that I'm glad I was made-fun of as a kid on the schoolbus...it made me very sensitive to cruelty of any kind. And I'm determined to become grateful for what happened to me a few months ago and sure that nothing but good (great) things will come of it from now on.

Recently, a friend of mine told me that I deserve some peace. She was right. I did all I could to mend things with others. I said apologies and told myself that I couldn't do anything else, but hope others could understand how much I went through and how hard it was on me. If they couldn't understand it, or try to, then I've done my best. (Actually, nobody else could understand what I went through, except for me.)

I'll put it under my "pay it forward" list and know that if I ever encounter somebody in the position I am in right now, I'll be their friend, even if I wasn't friends with them to begin with...because you really need a friend when you feel like that.

I really hope that the people that love me will forgive and overlook all of this temporary insanity I have displayed over the past few months and know that I am genuinely trying to grow from this and be stronger (and act like a real grown-up for once.) I will return the favor and always be there for them in their craziness in the future.

My cousin told me about how when she's struggling with something, she writes it down and puts it in a box and leaves it up to God to work it out and tells herself she is now free from the issue. She keeps the notes in that box so she can reread them weeks, months, years later...some of the stuff that seemed so life-or-death back then isn't so important anymore and really DID end-up working-out. I like that practice and am going to try it.

Hind's sight is 20/20. I know now to be a bit calmer, act like a grown-up and not to put things in writing (as my mother always, always told me...but as a writer, that is difficult.)

I am ready to start exhibiting grace. A lot of it.

Diana Rissetto

I somehow feel the tides are turning...

2011-03-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

How can we know
The fate of the earth
Must everything go
From bad to worse

How can we be
Just along for the ride
We'd rather believe
That we decide

That we can stand here
And say loud and clear
Here comes the turn of the tide

Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn of the tide

We cannot go on
Sounding alarms
And rattling swords
And building bombs
And fouling the air
And the streams underground
We've got to begin to turn it around

It's our right to be heard
Our right to decide
Here comes the turn of the tide

Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn of the tide

As low as we've gone
Now the ocean is calm
Now here comes the turn of the tide

It's time to be heard
It's time to decide
Here comes the turn of the tide

Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn
Here comes the turn of the tide-Carly Simon

I am meeting an old friend for lunch today...

2011-03-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

She texted me to tell me that she had a "message at 10" so she would let me know when she was ready to meet-up.

A few minutes later, she texted me again with, "I meant to write, 'I have a massage at 10."

Honestly, I was picturing her waiting by her door for a telegram and didn't think twice about it...

(We were also wearing old-fashioned hats in this scenario.)

Diana Rissetto

Instead of...

2011-03-10T16:39:00.001-08:00

Last week, after a particularly rough couple of days, I got a handwritten card in the mail from one of my best friends. I called her right away to thank her and realized I could barely get the words-out because I was crying so much. I really was just so overwhelmed that somebody (over the age of ten) cared enough about me to cut-out pictures and make me a card that listed the reasons why I was special and loved. She put in reminders of special things (the logo from the off-Broadway show) I wrote and of the remarkable people I could count as friends (the late Frank Sinatra.)

This week, I found myself incredibly let-down by other people. I expected more from them, for them to be a little nicer and to care more about my feelings and was just genuinely disappointed in them.

I realized that I can't focus on that. I need to focus on the people that care about me enough to send me handwritten cards like that...if all I had were people who let me down, it would be one thing...but it's not. I have a lot of people that love me, that I know I can count on in the worst of times, will tell me the brutal truth when I need to hear it and will laugh at the thousands of inside jokes that only we could ever get.

I'm good. It's all good.

Diana Rissetto

When I was in the 7th grade...

2011-03-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

...I had a big crush on Chris O'Donnell and Chris O'Donnell is probably the reason I would spend a lifetime falling for Irish guys.

A buddy of mine recently told me that he had been hanging-out with Chris O'Donnell at a party and Chris is, just as I expected he would be, gorgeous in person.

Good to know.

Diana Rissetto

I hope this woman's amazing karma catches-up with her very soon.

2011-03-09T17:54:00.000-08:00

As chronicled, I am job-hunting.

I apply to dozens of jobs a day, probably get about five calls for interviews a day and end-up going-on at least two job interviews per week.

I have had interviews in which the people shake my hand and tell me, "Welcome Aboard!" and then I will never hear from them again. A couple of months ago, I went on an interview and was pretty sure the woman was going to have a parade come through the door any moment in my honor, she made such a big deal over me. I had to call and email her every so often for a month until I finally got a, "Thought you were great, but we hired somebody else!" email from her.

My jobhunt has been known to bring me to tears often. It has happened in every other jobhunt I have gone on, and it is happening once again. I can't help it. It's frustrating. It's discouraging. It makes you feel pretty badly about yourself and wondering if you're full of all of these horrible flaws.

Two days ago, I got a rejection email for a job I had never even been called in to interview for.

The woman who had received my resume cover letter told me that I wasn't going to get the job, but that she could tell I was a really great writer from my cover letter and that she was sure that I would be okay and find the right position soon. She also brought-up how frustrating and exhausting looking for a job is.

I love this girl.

I wrote back to her that if I had a job and thus had money, I would send her a fruit basket for that email. It was the nicest rejection letter I had ever gotten. I feel like she must have been in the same spot I am in right now...when you're applying and interviewing and sometimes walking down the block with your feet aching from the heels and in tears.

I always remember things like this as a sign that I need to pay it all forward. Once I was crying in an elevator and some woman I didn't even know helped me and made sure I got home okay. I never forgot her and whenever I am in an elevator, I always check to see if there are any crying people in it that might need a friend.

If I am ever in the position of combing through resumes and I want to say something nice about somebody's writing...I will. I know now that it just might make their day and give them the energy to keep on going with this exhausting hunt.

Diana Rissetto

Lent

2011-03-09T17:38:00.001-08:00

Despite the fact that most people think I am Jewish upon meeting me or seeing my picture (I got three requests for my phone number at a Purim party a few years ago...), I am actually Catholic. (I won't even bring-up the fact that whenever people assume I am Jewish, I always think, "I'm not sure what really made you think that...the crucifix dangling around my neck? My Italian last name? The fact that I have church volunteer stuff on my resume?" (because, believe it or not, it's come-up in job interviews.)

Today is Ash Wednesday. I got my ashes and last night, I decided what to give-up.

I can't give-up chocolate for Lent. Giving-up chocolate for Lent would mean giving-up mini-Cadbury eggs for the entire year. (Although, some years, they also come-out for Christmas in red, green and white.)

I am giving-up Facebook.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not addicted to Facebook. I am, however, addicted to updating my Facebook status and so many people tell me how they log into Facebook JUST to read my Facebook statuses. Somebody even recently told me at a WAKE that they were hilarious. I don't try hard, strange things just happen to me and I can't help but share it with my 400-so friends.

But, for the next forty days, I will not log-in.

I have a friend who is also giving-up Facebook for Lent, and by afternoon, she was saying how free she felt. Not long after, I realized I was feeling the same way and IMed her.

Me:
you're right...no facebook=very freeing.

Her:
RIGHT???
i might not go back!

Me:
because, honestly, I WAS wondering what was going on in my old office and kept checking my formers coworkers' statuses for clues. but now I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I was occasionally checking (boy I consider to be The One that Got Away) girlfriend's page to make sure there wasn't an engagement ring announcement but now I don't know!! And I am thrilled!

Her:
yup!!
i was obsessed with my hs friends' babies and houses
and now i'm not!

Me:
it's amazing
How did people compare themselves to others and feel badly about themselves back in Walnut Grove?

It has been said that ignorance is bliss, and perhaps the Facebook Lent Experiment of 2010 will prove just that and my friend and I will BOTH be blissfully happy by Easter.

Diana Rissetto

Quote of the Day

2011-03-06T19:27:00.000-08:00

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred or two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it. - The Secret

I'm just going to laugh.

2011-03-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

My 20-month-old nephew has the power to make me feel just like Jerry Seinfeld. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why I love him so much and why he's managed to become one of my favorite people in the world, despite the fact that I haven't known him too long.

I was sitting across from him the other night and I made a face. It wasn't a particularly funny face...but it was a face.

Andrew started laughing.

And laughing.

And laughing.

I have never made anybody laugh that much in my life.

He would stop laughing...I would make that face again...and off he would go again.

A genuine belly laugh from a very little person...is there anything better in the world than that?

I remember hearing that if you're not feeling happy, you should smile anyway, and it will trick your brain into thinking you are happy and you will feel happier.

If a little smile can apparently do that much good, can you imagine how much laughing like little Andrew was laughing at my face could do for one's mood?

I'm going to be honest, the past few months, I have been crying a lot more than I have been laughing...and there is no reason for that. As trite as it sounds, I have to keep reminding myself of everything that I DO have and how lucky I am. Sometimes it's not enough, though, and you remember a moment, or a day, when you were incredibly happy and felt fantastic about yourself...and wonder where those feelings have gone and why you can't feel them all the time.

I am taking a lesson from little Andrew...and I am going to laugh even when things aren't funny. (I mean, really? My face couldn't have been THAT funny.)

When I am frustrated, sad, apprehensive, worrying relentlessly about the future? I am going to laugh. Hysterically.

When I realize I have a hole in my tights when I am running-out the door? I am going to start laughing.

When my allergies are so bad I can't see straight? Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

When somebody hurts me...really hurts me...and lets me down (it's been happening often lately)whether they meant to or not? It might be really difficult...but I am going to laugh. (And then I'm going to laugh at them.)

You learn something else watching little kids, too...one moment, they are crying and screaming and throwing things...and the next...they are happy. It really IS that easy to feel better, despite how hard it might feel at the time.

I am going to start using my new approach to life tomorrow...and I have a feeling it could really help...

Diana Rissetto

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2011-03-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

I love Elton. And he looks so happy!

Sometimes it feels like a sermon is being directed right at you..........

2011-02-20T20:26:00.001-08:00

There has been a reoccurring theme in this blog the past few months, and every time I feel like I have moved on, I realize I am still in quite a bit of pain and can't completely do so...I decided to stop trying to convince myself that I'm fine, because there are many times when I am not. I have to accept that this WILL take a while to get over and that doesn't make me any less of a person or any weaker.

I went to a church in another state today and listened to a sermon spoken by a priest I didn't know. It was about forgiveness. If somebody wrongs you and you are angry at them and hate them...you are just bringing more hurt and anger into this world (and it doesn't need that.)

You are hurting exactly one person...yourself.

The priest quoted, "It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness."

It's okay that I am not 100% over everything and that I have not quite forgiven this person for what he did to me...but constantly reliving what happened in my mind over and over, letting myself get upset and letting my blood boil every time I think about this person is hurting me.

My cousin told me that whenever somebody has wronged her or hurt her in any way, she prays for them that they'll get everything they want from life. That is pretty much the candle quote in action. That way, you have a clear conscience. You really DO feel like the bigger person. She calls it not letting somebody stay on her mind without paying rent.

Honestly? I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to start doing that and I'm not going to lie and pretend that I am. I am still very, very hurt because of the way I was treated and have a very hard time forgiving this person or understanding why they did this to me. I've been through things in the past that, at the time, seemed like the end of the world, but they've always turned-out to happen for a reason. I'm waiting for that to happen again and I hope it's very soon.

Right now, I don't even feel like this person is worth the wax of a candle...and if that's the case, also not worth living in my mind so rent-free...........................

It will get better...right?

Diana Rissetto

At what point does being a hopeless romantic just become a waste of time?

2011-02-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

The other day, I was going through an old journal from college. Somebody I cared about very much was moving far away and I had put the lyrics to the song "Think of Me" from The Phantom of the Opera on a page.

"Recall those days/look back on all those times/think of the things we'll never do/there will never be a time that I won't think of you."

Yeah, I wasn't dramatic at all.

I met this person when I was a freshman in college. It was the first and last time I have ever experienced anything like that scene in BIG FISH when he first sees his wife and popcorn freezes in the air.

I saw this person not long ago after several years. He showed-up on a particularly important night of my life, and when he left the room for a minute, I was sitting next to a close male friend, trying to give him the abridged version of why this guy was so important to me. (I might have also asked him if he would pretend to be my boyfriend...but then I remembered that we weren't in a romantic comedy.) I didn't quite know how to explain it all to him, because I wasn't sure how to explain it to myself.It wasn't like we had dated for five years and he broke my heart, and yet I do feel a bit of a broken heart when it comes to him...even though this person has never done a thing to hurt me and never would.

I told my friend that night that I have always had it in the back of my head that I was supposed to end-up with this guy...and he told me that there was probably a reason that he had turned-up that night, surrounded by a bunch of people he didn't know, on a huge nigh in my life...but when he lives in another state and has a girlfriend, does that really matter?

It doesn't anymore...there's no chance...it wasn't meant to be...and it's okay.

Maybe one day I'll see this guy's engagement announcement or see the infamous changing of the facebook status. And I'll be happy for him..

I have to listen to the friends that tell me I'm too great to wait around for anybody, and I look forward to once again having that "popcorn freezing in the air" experience...and even if things don't start like that...it's still okay.

Diana Rissetto

Is getting married really that great of an accomplishment?

2011-02-18T06:08:00.000-08:00

I recently witnessed a young woman (that I barely know) announce to various other young women (that she also barely knew) that she had just gotten engaged.

I never saw more excitement in my life. You would have thought she just announced she had cured cancer. They wanted all the details. They went ballistic over the ring. They asked if she had a date set. It was all anybody talked about for the rest of the day.

I started to wonder..."Is getting married REALLY that great of an accomplishment?"

95% of people are married at least once in their lifetime. Half of those marriages fail. You would think that would put a damper on things, but it really doesn't. So many young women see marriage as the ultimate goal and I just don't get it. I often hear about the "smug marrieds" or "smug engageds".

Is it the wedding that makes everybody so excited? If that same girl walked in and announced she was getting marrie but eloping, would everybody care as much? Is it the ring? If she didn't have an engagement ring, would it be as big a deal?

If I were to enter a room and go on and on about one of my writing projects, I'd probably sound like I was bragging...and I wouldn't feel like that roomful of people would care much, anyway...so I don't. But, for some reason, it's okay to go on and on (and on) about a wedding, and that's fine.

So many women view themselves as failures if they're not married by (insert age.) I wonder if they get brainwashed somehow or if it's really how they feel.

Why on earth is marriage such a big deal? It doesn't take a genius to do it. It doesn't take any talent. It doesn't solve your problems.

And don't get me started on babies. Nobody loves babies and little kids more than I do. I have a friend who I have gone to every various wedding and baby-related event she's had. I've spent money on her I really don't have to spend and have been as much a support as I could. However, the one time she was supposed to do something for me...she just didn't show-up. No email, no phone call...just didn't show-up. It made me feel like she viewed my accomplishments as less important than hers because I'm not registering at Babies R Us or Pottery Barn.

Every single one of us are here because SOMEBODY had a child...and, honestly? I refuse to let anybody feel like they are less of a person than that girl on the Maury Povich show who has seven kids and doesn't know who their fathers are.

Point is, we should all be there for our friends and family, support them, and view their happiness as our own, no matter what they are. I don't care if that means shrieking with your best friend because she's so excited that a new Walmart has opened near her apartment.

Diana Rissetto

Job-hunting is the hardest job in the world...

2011-02-09T19:05:00.000-08:00

I will never forget my first job interview out of college. (And that's saying a lot, because I have gone on, roughly, 135,993 job interviews over the years.) It was to work for a children's publishing house. I remember how warm and lovely the building was, the big deal the two people I met with made over my resume, and how I went shopping right after it because I knew I'd need work clothes soon. I called my mother, so excited.

I knew I was getting that job.

I didn't get that job, or the dozens and dozens of jobs I went in for after it. It took me almost two years to find a full-time job out of college. Turns-out, I sounded wonderful on paper and had absolutely no problem getting interview after interview after interview. Even most of the interviews went really well. I got second interviews with the same companies. I had people showing me my cubicle and asking me when I could start.

I even once had somebody shake my hand and said, "Welcome Aboard!"

(Yup. Never heard from them again.)

Finally, I found a job. And I was laid-off from that job. Three months later...I find another job...yup, laid-off again...a month later, I landed where I would stay for three years and where I saw myself staying for the long haul.

And then...(fill in the blanks.)

This last lay-off was particularly heart-breaking. I loved my job. I felt like (most) people I dealt with loved me back. I was a part of a community I wanted to be in...and then it was taken away from me.

For the past three-and-a-half months, I have been looking for a job.

And, as in the past, I have no problem getting job interviews.

I had one that I would have absolutely loved about a month ago, and never heard from them again, despite the woman raving about what an incredible energy I had and that she knew I could do the job with no problem. She told me she'd let me know if I got the job either way...and I haven't heard from her.

Insert another (smaller) heartbreak.

Jobhunting is capable of sucking the life out of you. I feel my spirit breaking, as it did in my past three jobhunts.

I keep reminding myself that it seems like I always end-up exactly where I am supposed to be, have adventures and experiences I was meant to have and meet people to turn-out to be friends that I can't imagine my life without if I tried.

I am waiting for that to happen again, and I really hope it's soon.

Until then, I have a black dress, a strand of pearls, some nice wedge heals perfect for lots of walking and copies of my resume all set.

Diana

Master of my Own Domain

2011-02-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, these last few months have been pretty frustrating and soul-crushing.

It's really easy to blame all of your problems on another person, and I do indeed blame one particular person for those of the past few months. I mean...the majority of my pain and frustration can be directly blamed on this other human being. It's a fact. Anybody close to the situation would agree...it's a fact. It's his fault.

I've been opening-up to few people about this situation and one of my friends has been particularly supportive, and I couldn't be more grateful that he hasn't written me off as a raving lunatic yet.

The other day, he told me...

There has to come a point when Diana becomes the ruler of her own domain...anything that you let get you down has to be channeled into positive work, or else it can be destructive. Always remember that.

I have referred to the past few months as a "nightmare." I guess I shouldn't use those words so lightly. Today I was talking about a member of my church youth group...a little girl with leukemia. That's a nightmare. That's something to cry about and to ask God (or whoever you believe is the higher power) "WHY?"

What happened to me really was unfair, but it's not tragic. It goes against all the rules of karma, but it won't be forever. I'll most likely end-up in a better place than I was. I read once that you have to keep going, because you never know when something wonderful might happen...and maybe that will be tomorrow.

Yes...it IS this person's fault and I do indeed still blame him...but my friend's right...blaming somebody else for all of this hurt only does so much good and I need to take control of this situation and make something positive come-out of it. I can't wait for things to turn-out okay, I have to make sure I MAKE things okay.

Diana Rissetto

I have a copy of The Secret

2011-01-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

And sometimes I get really into it and promise myself that I am going to "use it." Last year, it seemed to work for me a few times. I entered a play I wrote into the New York International Fringe Festival. I imagined people reading it and judging it, smiling and laughing, thinking it was a great little play that people would really enjoy and laugh at. I imagined myself getting an acceptance letter and calling people to tell them the good news.

I was accepted in May.

Right now, I need The Secret more than ever.

The times they are a'screwy.

If you make time to list all the things you are grateful for, and you feel the feelings of gratitude, you will feel amazing every day. Your frequency will be high and you will move through your days in love with being alive, bringing joy wherever you go, positively affecting one person after another.

When you live a life like this, everything you want will come before you even ask.

I started keeping a Gratitude Journal a couple of months ago. I find those type of journals are better to be handwritten than typed...but for these purposes...here I go...things that I am truly, truly grateful for.

-My health. I come from a family where people tend to die rather young. It's something that I think about a lot and makes me very, very sad...but I DO have my health, and I am very lucky for that. I actually felt that biological clock ticking recently and researched "freezing eggs"...the first things that came-up were resources for women that need to freeze their eggs because they are undergoing chemotherapy. How lucky I am because I do not have that problem...it promptly put things into perspective.

-The little kids in my life. My nephew, Andrew, and my two little cousins, Anthony and Mia, have become the chief children in my life and three of my favorite people. I love them so, so much and there is something so wonderfully genuine and ego-boosting about somebody's face (who can't read or doesn't exactly know English) lighting-up when you enter a room.

-My location. Lately I have been feeling frustrated that, since I have been out-of-work, I have been "stuck in New Jersey" and feel so far from New York City. Well, New Jersey is still as close to New York City as I am going to get, and I am very lucky that I am "stuck" somebody so close instead of so far. I could be stuck in Iowa. Not that anything is wrong with Iowa....

-My mother. I am very close to my mother. It was "just us" for a year after my father died. My mother loves me enough to really yell at me when I need it.

-My sister. We fight like siblings are supposed to, but I believe siblings have the type of friendship which you will have a million "inside jokes" that nobody will ever, ever understand. My sister also brought my "brother" Mike into my life.

-I had a brilliant, funny, wonderful father for about seventeen years of my life. Losing him was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but I'm so lucky that I had him for so long. My mom says I inherited my "brilliant" streak from him. I hope that's true. He was so funny, so smart.

-I HAVE experienced that "love at first site, the world around you freezes" (like the popcorn scene in Big Fish.) I did not end-up with that person, but he is still in my life, and I am so grateful that I WAS able to have that. It DOES happen. It DOES exist.

-My "careers"...even though some of them had ended prematurely, a lot of them brought some very precious things into my life...such as...

-Barnes and Noble brought me exposure to amazing literature that will stay with me forever. It brought me friendships with people who continue to be parts of my life and that I was never want to lose touch with.

-The Pete Sanders Group brought me my first job "in the industry", while I was a wide-eyed, excited young intern, willing to do any task. It brought me the first Playbill that had my name in it. Through the Pete Sanders Group, I also met an up-an-coming Broadway actor named Cheyenne Jackson...who would turn-out to be a very special friend in my life and watching his career skyrocket has been such an exciting thing to me...and the fact that he has "taken me along for the ride" has been extremely special.

-Town Square Productions. I worked there part-time, briefly, but the people that worked there were so incredibly nice I will never forget it.

-The Shubert Organization brought continued excitement of working "in the industry"...comps to every show imaginable...my first trip to the Tony Awards...and one of my best friends in the entire world, Laura.

-Jeffrey Richards Associates brought more excitement than I ever could have imagined. I mean...Jerry Stiller sent me flowers for my birthday. I became on "Eurokiss hello" basis with Michael Feinstein. Whoever imagined things like that could happen to me? I also made some good friends, including my friend Elon, who has become oddly like an older brother to me, despite the fact that he is a almost a year younger than me.

-I am very grateful that I wasn't a young adult in the 1980's. I know that I would have lost a lot of friends to AIDS. I can't imagine how horrifying and heartbreaking that would have been.

-I was able to have my first off-off-Broadway production last summer! It was the most exciting, proudest experience of my life. I will never forget our opening night, being surrounded by an assortment of friends from all different stages of my life, and feeling like some kind of a "star". I will never forget it.

-All of my assorted family members...my cousins, aunts, uncles. We have gone through a lot together, but we also have gone through it all with A LOT of laughter. Not many families can say that. Not many families could do that. I am so grateful for all of these loud, loving, lively people.

-My friend MATT who has become my quintessential "gay best friend", somebody I talk to every day, text like crazy and can tell anything to.

-Peter Cincotti. This sounds a little strange...but he has been my favorite (living) artist (after Harry Connick, Jr.) for years, and my goal has always been to collaborate with him. I think he's an astounding talent. Last year, I talked to him at an opening, and he kissed me on the cheek goodnight (we're Italian kids, and that's what we do)and asked me for my card. That was a pretty exciting moment...and maybe someday something will come of it.

-I have a friend all the way in Italy, whom I have never met in person, named Cristiana. Cristiana is a warm, wonderful person and has been extremely supportive of my work. It was her encouragement which helped me get my play, Pigeons, Knishes and Rockettes out there.

-My cousins. All of them. Cousins are sacred relatives. I love that I have so many cousins that I can count among my closest friends, and that so many of them have, through marriage, brought in others that I can also count in that same category.

-I was born in New York City and then moved to the New Jersey Shore. Those are two really terrific places to live.

-The work of Wendy Wasserstein. I love her so much. I reread her plays and essays often and they move me every time. I can only hope to one day be anything like Wendy. I want people to hear my name and connect it with the most positive connotations. I wish she was still here and we could be friends.

-I have had some great dogs in my life. Lulu was my dog from the age 10 to 25. She was a great girl and set the bar very high for all future dogs.

-I have grown happy enough with my appearance. I will never be 5'11. I will never have blue eyes or skinny legs...but this is me. I am happy with me.

-My friend Megan, who I sometimes feel had the same exact childhood as I did because we just have so much in common and get every last reference the other makes.

-I am grateful that nobody in my family or any of my close friends died on September 11th. I feel so personally impacted by the tragedy, even though I didn't know anybody who died. I spent my childhood in a building so close to the World Trade Center, and watching it collapse that day was like watching my backyard be under attack.

-My friend Christina, who is going through a lot of similar struggles as I am right now, and how much it helps to know that somebody else feels the same way about things and has the same fears.

-I have access to so much incredible art...theatre and books and everything else. I know there are a lot of people who don't have that access.

-I love that I have curly hair. It's me. I wouldn't be "me" with straight hair.

-My religion. While I may not agree with everything "The Church" says, I am grateful that I have grown-up in the Catholic Church. On that note...

-The Youth Group I work with at church. I love those kids. I love that they're so hopeful for the future. I love instilling in them that they matter and can make a big difference in the world.

-Friends I have had since childhood...Meredith, Elizabeth, Michelle and a couple of Jennifers...people who remember what you were like (literally) twenty years ago are special kinds of friends.

-The Internet. I'm able to keep in touch with everybody...friends, relatives...so easily...although I do miss writing letters. Writing letters was a lot of fun.

-I have a roof over my head. Even though I may lose jobs (more often than I'd like), I have always had a roof over my head.

-Theatre. Theatre. Theatre. Watching it live, listening to musical recordings and even writing my own plays now. It has become such a major part of my life.

-I am single, and sometimes that bothers me. But I also know that means I have not "settled" and that I most certainly have something (and someone) to look forward to.

-I was once billed as "The Teen Who Touched Frank Sinatra's Heart". Every so often I remember that...and I smile.

-I am a good writer. I create funny, natural dialogue and lovable characters. I make people laugh. I know this. I will use this.

-The future. Anything can happen in just a few days. I just might be in a completely different place this time next year. The excitement is just not knowing...as reassuring as it would be to have a crystal ball just to know everything is going to be okay.

There are more. There are many, many more.

I am a lucky girl.

Diana Rissetto

Playlist for the Disheartened

2011-01-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

I relate songs to moods...often the song that wakes me up on my alarm in the morning sets the tone for the rest of my day.

However, I have not had an alarm going off lately, since I don't have a job right now to get-up for...which is bringing me an incredible amount of stress and many sleepless nights, which turn into "nodding off somewhere around 5:00 AM and waking-up whenever I want to".

I have put together a list of songs to listen to when I am feeling down and need to be picked-up.

Accentuate the Positive...this song was actually playing when I was drinking coffee before my last job interview. I have never heard this song in public and I took this as a complete sign that I would nail this interview and get the job. (I still haven't gotten an offer. I am extremely disappointed.)

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

Man, they said "We'd better accentuate the positive"
"Eliminate the negative"
"And latch on to the affirmative"
Don't mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

Billy Joel's "You're Only Human (Second Wind.)" Billy is truly one of my favorites. I realized not long ago that I personfied the song "Leave a Tender Moment Alone."

You're having a hard time and lately you don't feel so good
You're getting a bad reputation in your neighborhood
It's alright, it's alright, sometimes that's what it takes
You're only human, you're allowed to make your share of mistakes
(You're only human, ooo-ooo)

You better believe there will be times in your life
When you'll be feeling like a stumbling fool
So take it from me you'll learn more from your accidents
Than anything that you could ever learn at school

Don't forget your second wind
Sooner or later you'll get your second wind

It's not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You're gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It's alright, it's alright, though you feel your heart break
You're only human, you're gonna have to deal with heartache
(You're only human, ooo-ooo)

Just like a boxer in a title fight
You got to walk in that ring all alone
You're not the only one who's made mistakes
But they're the only thing that you can truly call your own

Don't forget your second wind
Wait in your corner until that breeze blows in

You've been keeping to yourself these days
Cause you're thinking everything's gone wrong
Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
But that emotion can be so strong
But hold on 'till that old second wind comes along
(You're only human, ooo-ooo)

You probably don't want to hear advice from someone else
But I wouldn't be telling you if I hadn't been there myself
It's alright, it's alright, sometimes that's what it takes
We're only human, we're supposed to make mistakes
(You're only human, ooo-ooo)

I survived all those long lonely days
When it seemed I did not have a friend
Cause all I needed was a little faith
So I could catch my breath and face the world again

Wilson Phillips' "Hold On". (Yes.)

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

[Chorus:]
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

[Chorus]

I know that there is pain
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/wilson-phillips-lyrics/hold-on-lyrics.html -]
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

Des'ree's "You Gotta Be." I connect this song with my mother and the "we gotta toughen-up" attitude we had after my dad died.

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My oh my heh, hey
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
Oh oh oh Remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my heh, hey, hey
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

There's Always One More Time...not sure who we can credit with this song, but to me, it's Harry Connick...

If your whole life somehow
Wasn't much 'til now
And you've almost lost
Your will to live
No matter what you've been through
Long as there's breath in you
There is always one more time

If your dreams go bad
Every one that you've had
don't you think that your dreams
Can't come true
Because it's funny about dreams
Just strange as it seems
Becouse there is always one more time

Turnin' corners
Turnin' corners
Only a state of mind
Only a state of mind
Keeping your eyes closed
Keeping your eyes closed
Worse than being blind
Worse than being blind
If better a heart out there
If better a heart out there
Looking for someone to share
Looking for someone to share
I don't care if it's been
I don't care if it's been
Turned down time and time again
Turned down time and time again
And if we meet some day
And if we meet some day
Please don't walk away
No, no don't walk away
'Cause there is always always one more time
One more time
‘Cause there is always one more time.

"I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness"

2011-01-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

I liked Savage Garden a lot when I was in high school. I used to like reading their lyrics as much as I liked listening to them.

"I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness."

Those words have been playing over and over in my head lately. It's time for me to forgive.

I just read an article in Marie Claire about a teenage girl who killed two senior citizen sisters when she was driving drunk.

She's become a speaker about drunk driving (even though she is in prison) and before the first time she spoke, the daughter/niece of the women she killed hugged her, forgave her and told her that if she needed strength, to ask her mother/aunt for it, and they would help her.

I felt incredibly guilty after reading that story.

If this woman, whose mother and aunt were taken from her by a drunk teenager, can forgive...why can't I?

Why am I carrying around all this hurt and anger towards somebody that HASN'T killed any members of my family? Isn't that the worst thing somebody can do to another?

"Forgiveness is the key to my unhappiness."

I can't be happy and I can't move on until I forgive...so I am going to forgive.

I forgive this person for how they treated me for years. I forgive this person for how they threw me away and disregarded me like I never mattered, like I never did a million things for them, like I wasn't the best I possibly could have been.

I forgive.

I forgive.

I forgive.

I forgive this person, because as much as they hurt me, they are not hurting. They do not care. And the only person I am hurting is myself...and I deserve better than that. (The people who do matter...my friends and family...also deserve better than to deal with a melodramatic mess.)

Other lyrics that come to mind (I'm big on relating songs to real life) is Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter."

"There are people in your life who have come and gone/They've let you down, they've hurt your pride/Better put it all behind you because life goes on/You keep carrying that anger it will eat you up inside."

I forgive you. Even if you don't deserve it. I am not forgiving you for your own good...I am forgiving you for my own.

I am forgiving you and I am moving on.

Diana Rissetto

30 Day Blogging Challenge

2011-01-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

Day 1.

A photo of yourself and a description of your day.

I am currently on a hunt for a job. (My fourth since I graduated college.)

I have had a seasonal job since November, but since the season is over, I need to find another part-time job to hold me over until my next full-time job comes along. Today I put on my warmest coat (color: rasberry dazzler) with my matching beret (I had on the same ensemble when I ran into a certain two-time Tony nominated actor recently. He told me, "Aren't you looking adorable in your little mauve motif!" Thank you, Gavin Creel. Thank you.)

I decided I wanted to wait tables. I have never done this before, and figured I should...just to say that I did. My mother told me it was a bad idea. (I think she has seen me crash into way too many things and fall down one-too-many flights of steps.)

Whether or not I would have been good at this, we will never know...apparently restaurants don't want you unless you have experience. (And how am I supposed to get that experience?)

I then went into a number of small retail shoppes (because that "e" at the end makes it look so quaint) . No luck. Anywhere. Not even at the yarn shop.

(For people just joining this blog, in August, a play I wrote which involved a magical yarn shop.)

I almost yelled at the woman in this yarn shop (which didn't seem very magical), "I'm sorry. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

I came home after about five hours still jobless and freezing cold.

I am incredibly frustrated. I have never been completely without a job for this long. Even after college, although it took me two years to find a job, I worked full-time at Barnes and Noble the entire time.

I'm doing my best. I am applying to everything. Something will come along...............................

Diana Rissetto

The people who TRULY care about you are also the ones who will yell when you need it.

2011-01-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm letting boredom getting to me. Or the cold. Or money issues. Maybe I'm constantly reliving something that happened three months ago over and over in my head and wondering when I'll ever get over it and how badly it made me feel.

It's actually all of those things. Combined. A very bad combination.

I type without thinking. I type to comfort myself. I don't know how people who aren't comfortable writing are able to clear their minds. These past few weeks, I have been rambling in emails to a very select couple of friends who I know I can count on and who know the details my situation well.

However, I also often type and end-up getting myself into a lot of trouble. My mother always warned me not to put anything in writing...but I really don't know any other way to be.

Yesterday, I got a phone call in which my friend started with, "I'm calling you instead of emaling you back. And I hope you know I say this with all the love and support in the world..."

Basically?

I was told I have to snap out of it, transform all this stress and bad energy I am feeling into something positive (like writing a future Pulitzer winner!) and not let other people dictate how I feel about myself.

The people who don't want to listen to you will walk away and not bother with you once you turn into a raving lunatic. It's a good way to find-out exactly who you can trust, who will be there for you when you're not feeling exactly optimistic about life.

Diana Rissetto