Saturday, September 27, 2014

I had a moment on my walk to work recently...

I was walking to work and saw a little girl in my old school uniform from when I went to Catholic school on Bleecker street.
She had the little sweater on with the school name on it.
I said, "I went to grammar school there!" and then the woman who she was with (I am assuming she was her nanny from Russia or somewhere near it) just starts going on and on out of NOWHERE to the little girl in her heavy accent: "You see? She was once just a little girl like you going to the same school! And now look at her! She is this beautiful woman conquering the world because she followed her dreams! And one day, you'll see a little girl wearing your old uniform and you'll tell her you were once a little girl like her going to the same school! And then you went on to do so many great things, because this is America and you can do anything!"
And then after we parted ways, I almost just burst into tears because it was so sweet and completely random to get an indirect pep talk from a total stranger who doesn't know anything about me.
Sometimes you just really really need something like that to happen.
I'm very hard on myself, and have had people in my life who are also very hard on me...and then a total stranger who doesn't know me says I am conquering the world!
The Universe always knows exactly what it is doing.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Jewel had a good song for such a situation like this...

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I am so sensitive.
However, in being so sensitive, I am also very sensitive and empathetic to other people's feelings.
It goes both ways.
This is who I am!
I'm extremely hurt at somebody that I really care about right now (and that I thought cared about me) and I am resisting the urge to write a very upset email.
It won't do any good...those kind of emails never do any good. I have also tried that trick where you write a letter and rip it out. I have never found that to be helpful at all.
But right now, I am hurt and I want that person to know how very much they have hurt me.
I am also realizing that this person will likely not care at all if I tell them off.
A few years ago, somebody I was close to was horribly betrayed by their spouse. Somebody said to me that I must have felt stupid, considering I was always so nice to the spouse. (I'm nice to everybody.)
My immediate response was...why would I EVER feel stupid about being NICE to a person?
I would, however, look back and regret not being nice to somebody.
I still stand by that.
I can look back and think of all the intentionally hurtful things I have done in my life. I can't think of many times when I have actually done anything to hurt somebody.
I can turn off my light every night and know I was usually my nicest and most often did the right thing, and I'd rather be like me than like one of those people that can somehow manage going through life blissfully unaware that they have hurt someone.