Wednesday, February 8, 2012

My horoscope said I was going to run into somebody who broke my heart this month.

There aren't too many people that could be.

For such a sensitive, romantic person, I haven't had too many broken hearts. I've had guys I cried over, but then realized later on I was too young to be serious about anything or that the guy was a complete jerk and I didn't really like him anyway and was just crying due to hurt pride and my ever-bruised confidence, which I constantly struggle to keep afloat.

But when I think about that scene from Sex and the City when Aidan screams, "You BROKE my HEART!" to Carrie in the street, there is only one person I could ever imagine shouting those words at...only one person I ever moped about and listened to Sinatra's saloon songs over.

And, apparently, I'm due to run into that guy any day now!

I've played that scene over in my head...a few times.

When I've run into him (in my head), I am in the best place of my life!

I am on my way to the premiere of my new off-Broadway play. (It is already being made into a movie and is moving to Broadway in the spring.) I also look fantastic. I might even be about five inches taller than I usually am. (Whatever, I'm 100% okay with my height, but as long as we're going all-out, I'll see what being 5'5 is like.) It's a great hair day and my complexion is particularly flawless. I'm also walking hand-in-hand with...let's say Jake Gyllenhaal (unless he's starring in the that case, he's already at the theatre) or Josh Groban.

We see this guy in the street, and I'm not awkward or thrown-off at all! Because I'm just so over everything that happened I don't care! I'm so happy with my life right now that I wave heartily, tell him how great it is to see him, give him a friendly hug and introduce him to Jake (or Josh.)

In fact, HE is the awkward one! He knows of the big places my writing has been going lately (we ARE still Facebook friends, after all) and has seen me in People magazine with my new boyfriend. ("Who's That Girl?") We invite him to come to the premiere that night, and he says he will. I'm not sure if he comes to the show or not...that part's not important...the important part is that I couldn't care LESS if he shows-up...because I'm just so over it all. I'm just so happy and fulfilled at the moment that he doesn't matter to me fact, I hope he's JUST as happy and fulfilled as I am.

And that is exactly how I have played that scene over in my mind...when I run into that person who broke my heart.

A lot apparently has to happen in the next three weeks in order to make the Horoscope align with my daydreams...because if I ran into this young man tomorrow, all I'd be able to say is, "I'm in between jobs. I'm writing a lot, but I don't have any productions coming-up any time soon. And I'm kinda single (meaning "I can't remember the last straight guy I had a conversation with.")."

I would feel like I have nothing to FEEL fabulous about, nothing that would make him regret things...not that he broke my heart, but because of the way he went about it...the way he treated me like I didn't count...because such a successful and happy and accomplished person (as I am in those inner-scenarios!) didn't deserve to be treated like that...and he'll realize that.

But I was thinking none of that can happen (the guy thinking, "Gosh, I'm an idiot for kicking that girl to the curb! Look at how amazing everything is going for her!") until any of the other stuff happen (the Broadway play, Josh Groban You know. Little things.)


I'm going to do everything I can to switch my thinking and say, "So WHAT?"

Maybe being fabulous and happy and confidant doesn't come from potentially winning a Tony or being engaged to Josh Groban (not for nothing...the kids would have curly dark hair and would be very funny...have you ever read that guy's Twitter? He's hysterical!)

Maybe if you convince yourself you're fabulous first, fabulous things and people will come...and if I DO run into this guy tomorrow, I can be just as confidant as I would have been had I had all those other things going for me...because I DESERVE all of those other things. I know what I'm potentially capable of, I know I'm a good person.

And Josh Groban would be DARNED lucky to have me.

If the Horoscope is correct...I will be just fine when this run-in happens.

(My regular readers know my writing style by now and realize I'm not completely serious with this post, right?) 

Diana Rissetto