Friday, February 18, 2011

At what point does being a hopeless romantic just become a waste of time?

The other day, I was going through an old journal from college. Somebody I cared about very much was moving far away and I had put the lyrics to the song "Think of Me" from The Phantom of the Opera on a page.

"Recall those days/look back on all those times/think of the things we'll never do/there will never be a time that I won't think of you."

Yeah, I wasn't dramatic at all.

I met this person when I was a freshman in college. It was the first and last time I have ever experienced anything like that scene in BIG FISH when he first sees his wife and popcorn freezes in the air.

I saw this person not long ago after several years. He showed-up on a particularly important night of my life, and when he left the room for a minute, I was sitting next to a close male friend, trying to give him the abridged version of why this guy was so important to me. (I might have also asked him if he would pretend to be my boyfriend...but then I remembered that we weren't in a romantic comedy.) I didn't quite know how to explain it all to him, because I wasn't sure how to explain it to myself.It wasn't like we had dated for five years and he broke my heart, and yet I do feel a bit of a broken heart when it comes to him...even though this person has never done a thing to hurt me and never would.

I told my friend that night that I have always had it in the back of my head that I was supposed to end-up with this guy...and he told me that there was probably a reason that he had turned-up that night, surrounded by a bunch of people he didn't know, on a huge nigh in my life...but when he lives in another state and has a girlfriend, does that really matter?

It doesn't anymore...there's no chance...it wasn't meant to be...and it's okay.

Maybe one day I'll see this guy's engagement announcement or see the infamous changing of the facebook status. And I'll be happy for him..

I have to listen to the friends that tell me I'm too great to wait around for anybody, and I look forward to once again having that "popcorn freezing in the air" experience...and even if things don't start like that...it's still okay.

Diana Rissetto

Is getting married really that great of an accomplishment?

I recently witnessed a young woman (that I barely know) announce to various other young women (that she also barely knew) that she had just gotten engaged.

I never saw more excitement in my life. You would have thought she just announced she had cured cancer. They wanted all the details. They went ballistic over the ring. They asked if she had a date set. It was all anybody talked about for the rest of the day.

I started to wonder..."Is getting married REALLY that great of an accomplishment?"

95% of people are married at least once in their lifetime. Half of those marriages fail. You would think that would put a damper on things, but it really doesn't. So many young women see marriage as the ultimate goal and I just don't get it. I often hear about the "smug marrieds" or "smug engageds".

Is it the wedding that makes everybody so excited? If that same girl walked in and announced she was getting marrie but eloping, would everybody care as much? Is it the ring? If she didn't have an engagement ring, would it be as big a deal?

If I were to enter a room and go on and on about one of my writing projects, I'd probably sound like I was bragging...and I wouldn't feel like that roomful of people would care much, anyway...so I don't. But, for some reason, it's okay to go on and on (and on) about a wedding, and that's fine.

So many women view themselves as failures if they're not married by (insert age.) I wonder if they get brainwashed somehow or if it's really how they feel.

Why on earth is marriage such a big deal? It doesn't take a genius to do it. It doesn't take any talent. It doesn't solve your problems.

And don't get me started on babies. Nobody loves babies and little kids more than I do. I have a friend who I have gone to every various wedding and baby-related event she's had. I've spent money on her I really don't have to spend and have been as much a support as I could. However, the one time she was supposed to do something for me...she just didn't show-up. No email, no phone call...just didn't show-up. It made me feel like she viewed my accomplishments as less important than hers because I'm not registering at Babies R Us or Pottery Barn.

Every single one of us are here because SOMEBODY had a child...and, honestly? I refuse to let anybody feel like they are less of a person than that girl on the Maury Povich show who has seven kids and doesn't know who their fathers are.

Point is, we should all be there for our friends and family, support them, and view their happiness as our own, no matter what they are. I don't care if that means shrieking with your best friend because she's so excited that a new Walmart has opened near her apartment.



Diana Rissetto