I have been going to Positive Thinking Class on Saturday mornings lately. (I told my friend and she thought I was making that up. No, I'm not. They do exist.) In fact, the second time I went, two random strangers smiled at me on my way there. It's almost as if they KNEW where I was going...............................
One week, we talked about how if you're truly a confidant and healthy person you will not attract people who ARE NOT into your life.
I thought about this.
I have never tried to conceal the fact that confidence has never been my forte. I'm not sure why. There's really no reason I should be insecure. I've been off-Broadway, among a bunch of other accomplishments. I have a lot of friends. Sometimes people laugh at me so much I kinda feel like Jerry Seinfeld. I am extremely guilty of comparing myself to (random people from high school who I wasn't even really friends with back then) and feeling incredibly far behind, which I need to stop doing.
I was in a very toxic relationship for several years. That relationship ended and I blamed myself and felt horrible, and let myself feel worse and worse.
However, this relationship ended shortly after the greatest time of my life (so far). I had never felt better about myself. I was on top of the world and saw ahead me, a very very bright future.
And then that relationship ended and I felt worse than ever.
Listening to the instructor of this class talk about how no confidant and healthy person will ever attract the opposite into her life, I realized WHY that relationship ended.
I was happy. I was feeling good about myself...and there was no room for an unhealthy, toxic relationship. I was telling the universe, "Send me great things and great people because, heck, I AM great!" and so the Universe took this person and situation out of my life. But I didn't know well enough to say "Thank you SO much."
Instead of realizing it at the time, I took the blame and let my self-esteem take a usual beating.
I let myself become the victim...when...no no no...I am NOT the victim.
I am the spirited heroine who is going to triumph because she is awesome!
This Positive Thinking stuff is no joke.
For 2012, I am asking the Universe for a fantastic new job, several different productions of my plays and Jake Gyllenhaal.