Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I recently saw the movie One Day...

...and the book was a lot better. However, perhaps that isn't saying much, because the book was so beautiful and deep and compelling that I am sure it is a lot better than most movies.

There is one part of the book I particularly loved and which the film particularly changed to my dismay. Dexter writes his "best female friend with a grey zone" Emma a long letter, which, of course, is never delivered to her. (This was long before email. I miss writing letters!) Of course, that's always the risk you take when mailing a letter!

He begins the note explaining that he has just had several beers and continues to drink as he writes.

This is the most Dexter ever says to Emma about how he feels about her and what he thinks of her. He thinks she is brilliant and beautiful and the funniest person he knows. He wants her to leave her crummy job and flat and join him in India.

She never gets that letter and perhaps if she did, the story would have went in a very different direction.

I started wondering if, what if Dexter wasn't even drinking? What if he just talked about those beers so he could be completely free with the things he was telling Emma, and then she would never quite take those things seriously because he was so drunk.

Since these aren't real people, I can only relate it to my own life.

I am 100% guilty or writing long letters completely pouring-out my heart and, usually, regretting it. You're supposed to wait something like 48 hours before you send an emotionally charged email. I probably wait about 48 seconds. I've tried that whole trick where you just write the letter and destroy it, but that doesn't work for me.

I need to press send. I'm a writer...I am the most comfortable expressing myself through writing.

I so very rarely drink, but I am starting to wonder if I should have been, all this time, confessing to having a little too much in me in some of these long-winded emails. That way, you don't have to own-up to anything you are saying if the person isn't taking you seriously.

It's like saying, "Just kidding!" after saying something you completely meant.

I really don't think I'll ever learn my lesson. I really don't think I will ever stop sending long letters/emails pouring-out my heart forty-eight seconds after I've written them.

Maybe it's a good way to weed out the people that I really don't need in my life, because if somebody thought I was as stellar as Dexter thought Emma was, I don't think a crazy email would do anything to change it.

If you can't handle a rambling, heart-pouring-out, very soberly written letter from me................................


Diana Rissetto

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I always panic and worry, "What if this is it?"

I always had members of my family (usually the older relatives...I had always been a hit with them) that would tell me things like, "We KNOW you're destined for greatness..." As nice as it was to hear, it also made me worry that I would never be able to live-up to that expectation. What if I failed? At everything? 

When I was sixteen, I was the lead story on Access Hollywood for "touching Frank Sinatra's heart in his final days." (Believe me, they made it all sound a lot more dramatic than it was.) I still don't understand who else cared about that story besides people who were related to me, but I thoroughly enjoyed my fifteen minutes of fame. We watched the VHS at school the next day. I got applause! I was mentioned in the same sentence as Sting and Brad Pitt!

I figured that we only all ever get fifteen minutes of fame and my fifteen minutes WERE over and that they were gone before I even graduated high school.

Ah, well...it was fun while it lasted.

When I was 18, I was picked to be a reporter for Teen People magazine. I interviewed Jeremy London of Party of Five fame, hung-out with Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish and reviewed self-tanner. I was paid $1 a word. I was getting paid to talk to celebrities and couldn't believe my good fortune.

My contract ended after one year and, once again...I wondered if that was it...

Soon, I landed an internship with a Broadway PR firm and my name was listed in a Broadway playbill. I wasn't getting paid...but I had my name in a Broadway playbill. I talked to Patrick Wilson on a warship, stood under a tent with a bunch of Broadway stars (including future superstar and my future superfriend, Cheyenne Jackson) and learned what went on beyond the stage at Broadway shows. Although I came home crying several times, I still kept going back...I was hooked.

And then the internship ended and I was once again just some random girl who liked writing stories and plays and seeing shows.

Yes...this is all there is.

I graduated college, entered the most Frustrating Job Hunt Ever (edition 1) and when I finally DID land a job, it was also one where I got to, once again, work with Broadway shows, see everything for free and attend the Tonys.

Back on top!

And then I got laid-off.

Back at the bottom!

I was convinced once again that it was all over.

Soon, I landed another job, around the same time that a show I co-wrote made the finals of a writing competition. My job brought many exciting things into my life...and Jerry Stiller sent me flowers for my birthday.

That show fell apart after it made its world premiere due to artistic differences...and I was worried I'd never have anything produced ever again.

I was wrong...several shows followed, including one Off-Off-Broadway last summer. I was so happy! I felt so great about myself! I was surrounded by friends and relatives telling me how proud they were of me and people laughed at my words!

As all shows do, that one closed, and then I lost that exciting, glamorous job.

Lately, I've been struggling, ONCE AGAIN, with the feeling of, "Was that all there ever was????? Has everything exciting that is ever destined to happen to me already happened?"

Now, I'm really bored and being slightly anti-social.

I feel light years behind so many other people. 

I'm unemployed.

I'm writing like crazy (good thing), but nothing is becoming of that writing yet.

Should I have paced myself? Did I accomplish too much and now there's just nothing left to happen for me because I've used-up my fifteen minutes over and over and over?

It helped a lot to write all of this out, because I realize that, in the past, something newer and bigger and more exciting than anything else that has ever happened to me ALWAYS comes along and maybe if you didn't lose your job or have your heart broken it wouldn't have been able to happen.

I just have to keep going and realize that things will turn-around and when they DO turn around, they'll be better than ever and this path will make more sense.

Peter Cincotti has a song which includes the lyric, "I got a very strong suspicion this could be the day..." (I'm taking it completely out-of-context. The song is about the guy wanting his girlfriend to call-out of work and stay in bed with him.)

I think that's my new mantra. "I got a very strong suspicion this could be the day..."

I'm applying that to everything...to writing, to love, to jobs, to life. You just never know...and you just HAVE to keep on moving forward because you never know when something really wonderful is heading your way.

Maybe you really can't appreciate the good stuff until you've dealt with the not-so-good...

Diana Rissetto

Things that are making me laugh right now...

Every so often, a single line from a movie or a show on stage cracks me up beyond understanding and I am the only person in the entire audience laughing.

In the movie One Day (which, I am sorry, was really not nearly as good as the book, but I think the book was pretty brilliant), it's when Anne Hathaway, as she and her male friend discuss the importance of laughter in a relationship and says, of her ex-boyfriend:

"The only time he made me laugh was when he fell down the stairs."

I "HA'D!"

I can't help it.

It just struck me as so funny.

Also hilarious...this commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3KXaF2_UzU

That little boy throwing his arms up and looking all Crazy Muppet...I...just...can't. It's so funny!

Diana Rissetto

Friday, August 26, 2011

Kids...

I went over to my cousin's house to watch his kids the other day.

There was a stuffed banana, with a face and wearing clothes and taller than me, on their couch.

His ten-year-old son told me, "That was on the curb with the garbage! I told my dad we HAD to take it home...because one man's trash is another man's treasure!"

There is nothing greater than expressions my grandpa would have used being said by a little kid...

Diana Rissetto


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Today, at the supermarket...

It was packed due to the upcoming hurricane and I had about twenty items in my cart.

I was on a very long line and the lady behind me said, "Ma'am?" (why is somebody older than me even CALLING me 'Ma'am'?) "You should get on one of the express lines."

I told her, no...that I actually had twenty items and the next express line was for Fifteen Items or Fewer.

One of the workers told me to get into the line for Seven Items or Fewer.

It's their place, so I got onto the line...but only as  I apologized to the people who ended-up lining-up behind me, because I was convinced they were cursing to themselves that I snuck onto that line with thirteen excess items.

(I don't think they cared.)

I think my worrying and apologies are quite overkill...


Diana Rissetto

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Cannot wait to read this book!

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/153730-An-Uncommon-Woman-Wendy-Wasserstein-Gets-Spotlight-in-a-New-Biography

I completely love Wendy Wasserstein and, next to Michael Landon, she has been my biggest influence as a writer. I'm so sad that I'll never get to meet her. Somebody who knew her personally once told me that Wendy would have really liked me. (And hearing that made me want to burst into tears...)

Love this brilliant, funny, wonderful writer (who also had crazy curly hair and a young-sounding voice!)

I'm sure I'll need a box of tissues for the read...


Diana Rissetto

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Those moments when you think you were over something and then...

...you have a dream and it is clear that your subconscious has not stopped thinking and worrying about it.

I really wish I wasn't so sensitive.

Right now, life would be so much easier if I didn't have so much time on my hands. I'm remembering how incredibly busy I was this time last year...I had never felt so good about myself, was surrounded by so many people who loved me and were proud of me and I was certain that it was just the beginning. While I'm still pretty sure my friends and family love me and are proud of me, I'm not feeling entirely enthusiastic about myself and my achievements right now. I wish I could have a guarantee that those feelings from last year will come again...but I know we can't get guarantees like that.

And, since I am not busy, it allows me time to go over stuff in my mind, over and over, and let it really really get to me.

I just don't get it.

I know that I really let myself care about something for a very long time, but accepted that it wasn't going to end-up the way that I hoped that it would...but I can't really feel better about the way that I was treated in the end, which was completely out of my control (And yet why am I still blaming myself somehow?). I deserved a lot better than that and I'm just very sad and feel a bit like I was kicked in the head by a Shetland pony. I want to assume the best of people, but that's hard when I feel really rather disregarded.

I know that I'm really nice to people, for the most part...I'm very sensitive when it comes to other people's feelings (I keep checking in with my friend whose cat just died) and it just stings when somebody can't be sensitive when it comes to mine, especially somebody I really cared about...especially somebody I thought was my friend and that I was very honest to. (Sometimes being so honest is the hardest thing in the world.)

And then, just when you think you've moved on, the situation is resolved in your dreams and you wake-up and realize that it didn't really happen...and you just feel bad.



You mustn't mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinoceros, but I've got quite a thin skin really...so just be a bit careful with me...or I'll flatten 'ya-Benny in Circle of Friends

Diana Rissetto

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Didn't think anybody would notice...

For a while, I was oddly attached to a singing AMNY newspaper lady that I saw every morning. She would sing "Autumn in New York", always changing "autumn" to the appropriate description. "It's Friday in New York!" "It's raining in New York!" and then she'd sing "It's gonna be a bright...bright...sunshiney day...", once again, filling in her own lyrics so it would make sense.

One day, she disappeared.

I hoped she would come back and she never did.

I even emailed AMNY and asked, since they actually have an email address to write to talk about your favorite promoters.

(They never responded.)

I know I wasn't the only person who loved her. I used to even see people hugging her!

It's been so long but she taught me something SO important about life...you want to live your life so that people notice when you're not there...even if you're a newspaper distributor in a city that has some of the richest celebrities and bankers in the world. I remember that little newspaper lady and I still think about her. I can't say that about any of the other business people I would see every day.

I lost my job in November and the past nine months have been the most frustrating and trialing of my life. (Perhaps I should be grateful that that's the case?)

I've always had a favorite conductor on the train. He's been my favorite since I started taking the train regularly into the city about ten years ago. He's very nice and always talks to me and when I used to work at Barnes and Noble, I'd see him there sometimes as well.

The other night, I was on the train and he saw me and said, "THERE you are! I thought you retired or ran off to Paris. I haven't seen you in so long."

I told him what had happened...that I had lost my job in November and was on one of the most soul-sucking job searches in history.

He was so sympathetic! He was so encouraging!

And, most important, he noticed when I wasn't there. I didn't think anybody would.

Another woman also told me she had been worried about me because she hadn't seen me on the train in so long.

I didn't think anybody would notice when I wasn't around...I'm really glad they did. And I didn't even have to sing...

Diana Rissetto


Sunday, August 7, 2011

Ah, kids these days.

One of my favorite things to do is volunteer with my church's youth group. I have been with them for about seven years, and even though I am often mistaken for one of the kids (the majority are taller than me), I do feel like I have a positive, big-sisterly influence on them. I love feeling like we are instilling in them that they can make a difference and do good in the world!

However, one thing they DO need help in is to be steered towards better taste in music.

We had a party the other day, complete with a DJ. (We don't limit ourselves to Christian rock...even though some of those tunes are kinda catchy..."come with me, and I will show you Jesus...if you're lookin' for a savior...if you're lookin' for adventure...if you're lookin' for a friend...")

One young 6th grade girl requested the song "Unfriend You." "Unfriend You" is apparently an amazing song.

My fellow leader and I looked at her and said, "Unfriend you? As in Facebook-unfriend?"

The DJ did NOT have "Unfriend You", but that didn't stop me from looking-up the lyrics when I got home.

I believe it makes the New Kids on the Block "Please Don't Go Girl" look like Hamlet.

"Unfriend You"

I really thought you were the one
It was over before it begun
It's so hard for me to walk away
But I know I can't stay

You're beautiful and crazy too
Maybe that's why I fell into you
Even though you would pretend to be
You were never with me

So it's over yeah we're through, so I'll unfriend you
You're the best liar ever knew, so Imma unfriend you
cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

I thought in time that you could change
And my time and love would heal the pain
And I didn't want this day to come
But now all I feel is numb

So it's over yeah we're through, so Imma unfriend you
You're the best liar ever knew, so Imma unfriend you
cause I should have known, right from the start
I'm deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it's over, my last move is to unfriend you

You come on to everybody
Everybody all the time
You give up to anybody
What I thought was only mine

So it's over now we're through, so I'll unfriend you
You're the best liar I ever knew, so I will unfriend you
'Cause I should have known, right from the start
That you didn't have a human heart
Yeah it's over my last move is to unfriend you
Unfriend you

So I'll unfriend you
Unfriend you