Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Recently, a relative's friend sent her a copy of the book He's Just Not That Into You to read...

...the friend included a note saying that I would benefit from reading it as well. (Apparently, my issues of the heart had been a topic of conversation with them.)

I read the book and it actually really depressed me.(As much as the film version rather inspired me...I can't help it, that closing speech was very touching and Ginnifer Goodwin is delightful!)

Basically, this book is saying that unless a guy is willing to light his entire family on fire, he's just not that into you.

There is no such thing as a guy who is awkward/shy/intimidated/scared of getting hurt. Oh, no. If he was into you...he'd light that entire family on fire.

However, it definitely brings-up many valid points that I see happening in real life.

Recently, a girl friend of mine told me that she had been dating a young man she met on JDate for a year-and-a-half. (A year-and-a-half!) She finally asked him if he was willing to go exclusive.

He told her he needed to think about it.

She never heard from him again. (It's been months.)

Another friend was also dating a man she met on an online dating site. He told her he wasn't sure how he felt about her and needed time to think about it. She told him she'd be okay with either decision, as long as he was direct with her.

She never heard from him again.

She sent him a text message reminding him that he had promised to be direct with her, and he snapped at her that he was with his family for his birthday.

(When she told me that, I had to ask, "Family? Does that mean he's got a wife and four kids???")

Both of these girls made me realize that what the book is saying is right.

( I do disagree with the general phasing. "He's just not that into you." It makes me feel like the woman did something wrong, like she's to blame.)

If a man is a quality man either way, things like this would never happen. He'd either have the class to be upfront and straightforward about not seeing a romantic future with the girl, or he'd pursue the romance without needing any time to "think about" how he felt about her.

Who on EARTH wants a guy who needs to "think about" how he feels about her? Is this a wine tasting class? Seriously.

Over the past few months, I was desperately trying to figure-out a guy I have known for a very long time and have always felt something for. I was using every excuse in the book...but I'm realizing now? He's just not that into me.

A close (straight, I should specify, since I have very few of those and their opinions are pretty gold on these matters to me) male friend witnessed how this guy acted around me and told me that he knew very well how to read people. He told me that this guy clearly had romantic feelings for me, and was probably keeping me around in case his life situation changed and being with me was more "convenient". He said this guy seemed to want to have me in his life JUST enough so that it didn't disrupt it...but that he probably wasn't conscience of the fact that he was even doing this. I brought it to his attention and he didn't say anything. I understand that I made things awkward by putting it all on the table, but I also can't forget that we have a friendship of many years at stake.

My (close straight male) friend told me I'm not allowed to ever be somebody's second-choice or back-up girl. I have no idea what is going-on in his head and I probably never will...it doesn't MATTER what is going-on in his head, what matters his how he's reacting and that it is incredibly hurtful. I just have to put aside how much it really, truly HURTS (because we were friends for so long, and, I can't help it...I'm one of the most sensitive people in the world) and realize that I'm only responsible for myself.

And the truth of it all, when all is said in done?

If he was just THAT into me, I wouldn't be dealing with all of that.

So...the book's right.

One day, I hope we're all just very much appreciated and loved and respected the way we deserve to be...because we are ALL pretty terrific women.

Diana Rissetto

1 comment:

Heather said...

AMEN. We deserve so much more respect than these men give us. I still believe there is a Prince William out there for all of us though. Who will not light his family on fire as a sign of love, but show his love hopefully in other ways ;)