Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Come tomorrow...

When you are in the midst of a broken heart, and somebody very close to you is also piecing together a very broken heart, and you're unemployed and frustrated and feeling a bit lonely and confused and don't feel like you are being a particularly good writer or a friend or family member...your mind starts to wander a lot.

I went to Our Lady of Pompeii elementary school when I was a kid. It's in the heart of Greenwich Village, and just a few blocks away from where my parents also went to elementary school and grew-up. (My mom grew-up in a building with all of her cousins...I think I will be forever be envious of that childhood. I will always be forever envious that I wasn't alive during the 50's.) I have memories of going to my great-aunt's store on Sunday mornings, sitting on the counter and drinking a Yoo-Hoo. (Yoo-Hoos make me very nostalgic.)

Yesterday, I had a job interview (which is what I do most days) and then wandered around, all by myself, trying to collect my thoughts. I've had a rough few weeks...it's one of those times when it doesn't feel like anything is really going right and sometimes it helps to walk around aimlessly and think about things. I would call it the Quarterlife Crisis, but I should be beyond that right. (Doubtful I will live to be over 100...but here's hoping.)

I ended-up sitting in the little park by my old school, watching kids in my old school uniform run by for probably over an hour. One little girl (she was probably in the fourth grade)  was telling her mother that some boy announced that she wanted to kiss him and she just LAUGHED at him. The mom applauded the little girl and said, "That is EXACTLY what you are supposed to do! LAUGH at him! So he doesn't know you're upset...if you act upset, he'll bother you more. Just keep laughing in his face!"

I laughed to myself. 

Excellent advice ALL of us girls should learn at 9 and I hope the little girl remembers it.

Twenty years ago (twenty years!), I was running through those very doors, making my first communion, playing Baby-Sitter's Club in the street at recess, writing my very first stories.

I thought about how this area was my family and my "old stomping grounds" and now I can't imagine ever being able to afford to live there! It made me quite sad.  I wondered how different my life might have been had my family never moved and I had graduated 8th grade in that very school with the same faces I had seen every day since kindergarten. I couldn't imagine...(oddly enough, many of them have found me on Facebook. It's funny...I know that I remember everybody but never really realized that people might also remember me.)

I thought about all the various twists and turns my life has taken, the people I have met along the way...and deep deep down, how it always seems to fall into place and that I shouldn't regret a thing.

Weird thoughts started to cross my mind...I started thinking, "If my family had never left, would my entire life had been on a different track right now? Maybe my father never would have died, maybe I would have written a Broadway play or a hit movie by now, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here trying to piece together a broken heart and was instead in a blissfully happy relationship where I was very much appreciated and maybe I wouldn't be sitting on this very bench, frustrated at the thought of another crazy jobhunt wild goose chase."

(I realize, logistically, nothing about this makes any sense whatsoever, but when you're upset and not feeling your greatest, you do think about these things.)

I was recently telling a friend all of this and he told me, "You gotta have faith that everything you're going through is leading to something fantastic."   
 
I have to keep reminding myself that, and hope one day, I will look back at that time in my life where nothing seemed to be going right and realize that it all eventually made sense...that things didn't work-out with that boy, or that job, or that old neighborhood because something infinitely greater was on its way.

I completely love Peter Cincotti and also love reading his lyrics as much as I love his voice. Honestly, I'm not even sure if he wrote the lyrics of this song, but I listened to it several times last night and it seemed to connect with the thoughts that have been going through my head lately.


"And I turn the corner, hoping that I'll see/a miracle, just waiting there for me...."


Diana Rissetto

The trees on Golden Avenue were green as Irish morning
We were wearing caps and gowns
My mother took a photograph
I was the only one not smiling, I was too big for this town
I can't believe that I was only 17
A catholic punk who couldn't wait to scream

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
I'll be drinking sunlight and dancing on the moon
I'll find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'll be rolling like a pair of dice, come tomorrow

The trees on Golden Avenue were bitter red this morning
As I shuffled through the crowd
Another dose of daily news, another cup of coffee
The same old runaround
And I turn each corner hoping that I'll see
A miracle just waiting there for me

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/peter-cincotti-lyrics/come-tomorrow-lyrics.html]
I'll be drinking sunlight and dancing on the moon
I'll find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'll be rolling like a pair of dice, come tomorrow

Going nowhere, like leaves are blowing past my window
Caught up in a wind they can't control
That's my story, a two bit kind of Peter Pan
Who never tried for Neverland
And I think it's time to find my wings and go

Come tomorrow
I'll be leaving this worn out, worn down place
I'll be drinking sunlight, dancing on the moon
Find me a girl that suits my ways
Spending all my nights and days
Just singing drunken love songs out of tune
I'm gonna make it up to paradise, come tomorrow
Come tomorrow, come tomorrow

No comments: