Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sometimes I look up expressions on IdiomDictionary.com

It's fun...maybe it's the writer in me...just to look-up expressions and see how easily they can be defined when we're just so used to using them that we never even think twice about it.

I looked-up what it means to wear one's heart on one's sleeve today.

I do that.

I do that all the time.

Not only is my heart on my sleeve, but it's in a really, really vivid fluorescent pink color.

I remember when my father first became ill when I was 15. I didn't tell anybody for a while, and then one morning a teacher I didn't even HAVE that semester pulled me into her classroom before the day started. She told me I hadn't been my bubbly self lately, that all of my friends and teachers were very worried about me.

How did somebody I didn't even see in class every day know that something was (so very much so) wrong?

I was just that transparent.

I remember when I had developed a big crush on an "older guy" (he was 24 to my 19...and yet that seemed so grown-up back then!) I was working with. Another coworker guessed my secret right away and said that it was so easy to tell with me...that I became one of those doe-eyed cartoon characters whenever he was around.

There's that transparency again.

Although I should have grown-up a lot since both of these incidents, I still wear my heart on my sleeve...but recently I felt that just being like that wasn't good enough...that I needed to really be open about my feelings to somebody...and I was. I never really felt the need to pour-out my heart and mind before, because I always figured people knew exactly how I felt...they always were able to tell in the past...and that it wasn't necessary.

But a couple of weeks ago, I decided, just to be sure somebody knew how I felt, I needed to write it all in a long email stating my case. I have never found any kind of peace writing "letters never sent." (I've tried.) I need to send those letters, need to know the person has read them and, unfortunately...really need a response.

I never got a response from that email I sent...and I would be lying if I said it isn't really bothering me, that I haven't reread that outpouring of emotions a thousand times and wondered if I said something tragically wrong that eternally cost me a friendship.

Right now, I am wondering if it was worth it...should I have just continued to wear my heart on my sleeve, hoping that everybody would just know my entire story by looking at me...or did I do the right thing by telling this person how I felt? I don't like the thought that silence means indifference...I hope, in this case, it doesn't.

Maybe I'm really naive and need to stop being such a mess of emotions. Maybe I have to stop expecting people to act the way that I would act and that not everybody has the misfortune and blessing of being one of the top 10% of Most Sensitive People in the World...

Diana Rissetto

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A beautiful song that rings quite true...

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins
This is where our story ends
Never lovers, ever friends
Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day
But before you walk away
I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring to give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade to cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health and more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sometimes you need a pep talk from a total stranger to give you a push.

Last week, I ventured way out of my usual boundaries and went to Washington DC. I have never been to Washington DC, as much as a US History geek I am. I realized there are indeed OTHER cities out there besides that "island in two rivers."

While I was there, I was able to catch my old friend, Sebastian Arcelus, in A Time to Kill. 


Sebastian is one of those people that you talk to and walk away saying, "His parents did a wonderful job raising him! In fact, if I had a son that was about five years older than I am...I hope he would be as nice a young man as Sebastian!"

I have seen Sebastian in so many productions in New York City, so it was fun to see him in a small theater in a new city. Since I was sitting alone, I did what I always do and started talking to the person sitting next to me, an older woman who commented on how, judging from the bios in the programs, it seemed like all the actors in the show usually did musicals. I told her, "Yes, my friend is the lead and I've never seen him in a show that wasn't a musical!"

I then went-on to sing Sebastian's praises. He's just such a nice guy! He really is! Full of so much joy and goodness and it's lovely seeing somebody like him find success on stage!

She asked me if he was a romantic interest, and I laughed and said, no...he's a friend and also married to a beautiful Broadway star.

We kept talking and I told her how I was from the NYC area and had lost my job in November and that I was also a playwright.

Total Stranger Lady then went on-and-on about how she couldn't believe I would have a struggle finding a job because, her exact words:

"Diana, WHO COULD RESIST YOU?"

She told me I had a light about me, that I was beautiful and so cute  and funny and that she wished she could help me out.

She asked me about the plays I've written and when I told her about the one that was off-Broadway last year, she said that, by the title alone, she could tell it was DELIGHTFUL.

She then brought-up that I really, REALLY needed to meet her son, who was single, lived in New York City, had a great job, owned his own place and really loved Les Miserables when she took him to see it at the Kennedy Center when he was in high school.

She and her husband gave the show a standing ovation at the end and told me to tell my friend that he had been fantastic.

As I said goodbye to my new friend, she wished me good luck and told me that, in her book, I had already gotten the "cutest girl job".

She told me everything was going to be just great for me...that she just "knew it."

Maybe I should be offended by being judged by my appearance or cute factor and I'm sure many feminists would have been, but I've learned to never turn down a compliment.

I had a bit of an emotional struggle that weekend due to other events, so perhaps that Total Stranger Lady entered my life when I needed her the most.

I promise, Total Stranger Lady,  as SOON as I start to figure ANYTHING out, I am going to "pay it forward" and give advice to the random lost young disheartened person sitting next to me at a play.

I promise.

Diana Rissetto

Monday, May 9, 2011

I am really glad there are three versions of the song "You Don't Know Me" which I really love...

...because I listened to that song a million times over the past few days and it's good to have some variation.

It's nice to know somebody else had the same exact feelings and put them into a song. I'm not the first person to feel this way and I won't be the last. I do hate that you can't "feminize" this song and unless I'm singing about a man who has walked-off with another man (oddly, that has never happened to me), that "lucky guy" line is the only thing that doesn't 100% fit.

Sometimes closure takes many years to find, and sometimes you need to go far away from home (or a lot further than you usually go when you're as much as a homebody as I am) to get that closure...and know that  the people you can really count on to call and cry and overanalyze everything to are always just a phone call away. (And they'll also never say "I told you so." That's the best part about these friends.)

The truth is, the right person would never come with a ton of things to overanalyze and you'd never walk away crying from that right person.  If things were meant to be, they would have been...and they weren't...and that's going to have to be okay.

I'm a little backwards...I'm hopelessly romantic...and I'm probably extremely naive. I keep wondering when I'm going to finally grow-out of it all, but I don't think that I ever really will. Maybe this closure will be a major step towards that.

It definitely still can hurt quite a bit...but..."without a hurt, the heart is hollow", right?

Diana





(For the record, those three versions are:
Peter Cincotti
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1aZsUCy-5E

Harry Connick, Jr.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYhMicWjv88

Michael Buble
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7k2y08dSV4)


You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me

I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too

You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
You'll never never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Yes, I had my alarm clock set for 3:45AM on Friday.

Once, I asked my mom, "Did you catch Matt Lauer's interview with the boys?"

She told me she had and we talked about Matt Lauer's interview with the boys for a few minutes...before we realized that she was talking about Bon Jovi and I was talking about William and Harry. (After my mom asked me,"Why are you getting so protective over Ritchie Sambora???")

I can't help it...I have always really cared about those boys.


I cared about that wedding.

No, I honestly don't know why the world was so fascinated with it.

I can't even really tell you why I was so fascinated with it.

I guess I have a few explanations for my personal interest...I was named after Princess Diana.


William is a couple of months younger than me, so, in that sense, I feel like I grew-up with him. He also lost his mother around the same time I lost my father...there's that automatic kinship you feel with others who lose a parent at a young age. (Perhaps the only thing I will ever have in common with the Kardashian sisters...)

I would be lying if I said the thought of meeting Prince William and telling him my name and he smiling and responding with, "Ah, yes. That is a very easy name for me to remember" has never crossed my mind.

But, yes...I cared!

I think I was more interested in this wedding than I was in weddings I actually attended of people I actually knew.

I flipped-around until I found the "right" coverage to watch, settling on The Today Show. I wished I had pursued broadcast journalism like I had planned-on when I was younger. (I think that dream died when I noticed they never had curly hair.) I could have been a correspondent! I could have been there...in a fancy hat! Instead...I was on a couch, in my pajamas, on my third cup of coffee with a very sleepy dog sitting next to me. (She didn't understand why we were up so early either.)


Posh and Becks (I've learned that's what the Brits call Victoria and David Beckham) were the first big names to arrive, but what I was really wondering was, "What will Sir Elton John be wearing?" (Did anybody catch his interview with Barbara Walters last week? Cutest thing ever. He loves that baby!)

Sir Elton and David Furnish soon arrive and are shown to their seats...nice tie, Sir J. (Also, Kate and Will's first dance was to "Your Song", covered by somebody else. I think if Elton John was at my wedding and my song was an Elton John classic...I'd want him singing it...but that's just me.)

Matt Lauer also informed us that it is considered offensive to dress to draw attention to one's self at a Royal Wedding. If that's the case, I would love to know how we're not supposed to notice some of those HATS. No, really. HOW?


(I had originally heard that Abba was going to be performing at the reception, but never heard about that again...maybe they cancelled on them because they were worried that things would get a bit too wild once Camilla grabbed the mic and started belting-out, "The Winner Takes it All.")

I started my "awwwwe-ing" and tearing-up once Harry and Will entered and started greeting guests, blowing kisses to their relatives and friends and joking around. I couldn't help it. As I said earlier, I DO feel like I grew-up with these boys and I can't help but remember watching them walking side-by-side back in 1997 when their mom died. (William was so much taller than Harry back then.) They've gone through so much together. I remember how noticeable my father's absence was at my sister's wedding. Those feelings are quite universal and I knew that those boys (why am I calling them boys? They're really not) were feeling those very same feelings at that moment.

I wanted to hug them both, but I realized watching this coverage...British people aren't too fond of hugging. (Imagine having to curtsey to your mother-in-law?)

When I saw Kate's gown, I wasn't surprised at all by what she chose and I really hope she can bring long sleeved wedding gowns back in style. I'm not getting married any time soon, but it's nice to know they'll be in stock!


I tried to figure-out what Harry said to William when he saw Kate walking down the aisle, and I thought it was something along the lines of, "Don't worry...she showed-up!" (At that moment, William was no longer my favorite Royal brother as he always was. My heart now officially belongs to Prince Harry.)

Also put my lipreading skills to work to decipher what William said to Kate when he first saw her, and some experts have said, "You look beautiful, I love you", while FOX News' lipreading expert claims it was, "You look stunning, babe."

Both work.

They're so cute! The way they look at each other is just so beautiful!


I watched the couple ride around in their carriage and Harry riding around in a carriage surrounded by little children. (I have always said that the only thing that can make an adorable guy any cuter is to see him in a horse-drawn carriage surrounded by little children. Works every time.)


I watched them kiss on the balcony.


They look so happy! So lovely!

I wish I could have been at the reception. Apparently, Harry's speech was brilliant. I told my mother that, and she said it couldn't have been as brilliant as the speech I gave at my sister's wedding (thank you, thank you.) Kate and Wills also performed "You're the One that I Want" from Grease. I didn't think I could love those two any more than I already did...but...if that's true, I kinda do.

I really, truly hope that this is "happily ever after." I know I don't know these people. I know I shouldn't care...but I want it to work-out! I don't want to be reading about affairs and lies in a few years. I want them to stay as happy as they looked on April 29th!

Maybe this has nothing to do with William and Kate. Maybe I'm just tired of unhappy endings and want to keep a tiniest bit of the hopeless romantic alive in me.

And...there's still a shot for me and Harry...I could be on the cover of OK! Magazine with "The New Diana?" or "...But Could There EVER Be Another Diana?" across my picture.

(Also, I've been in a bit of a rough spot lately and Kate's sister, Pippa Middleton, has reminded me of just how fast things can turn around for one person. I mean...on Thursday, nobody knew who this girl was and now there are Facebook pages dedicated to her butt. It's amazing how things can change, isn't it?)


Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations. Lots of happiness and blessings for this lovely couple.




 




I also decided that I am going to start pronouncing my first name the way the Brits do and pronouncing the word "literally" the way the Brits do.

Diana Rissetto