...over the past few months, I took it upon myself to make a self-diagnosis of some kind of a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I read-up on various kinds of it and found that it was actually quite common among people who have experienced a similar situation as I was in.
I found myself losing a lot of sleep and fixating on this one day. I relived that day's events over and over in my mind. I blamed myself. I wished it could have all been different. I lost interest in things that used to make me happy. I became very unfocused and distracted. I cried a lot.
Over the past few days, thanks in part to reading Fortytude by Sarah Brokaw, I have been feeling so much better. I stumbled upon emails from "that day" today accidentally and I was able to read through them. I was relaying what was happening to one of my closest friends. I sounded so upset and terrified.
Even though I had been reliving that day in my mind over and over, it wasn't until I read those emails that I really remembered what it had been like...
And it hit me just how just horribly I had been treated. I was the victim in this situation and the person who hurt me was nothing but a despicable coward.
I deserve good things. I deserve to be happy. I deserve peace.
After reading those emails, I was angry at myself for letting that person live in my head rent-free, as my cousin Kerry would put it.
I talk about it all the time on here, but, you know what? I do believe in karma. And I believe if you go through life treating people the way this person treats others, it's going to come back to you one day (if it hasn't already.) I know I'm loved. I know I'm good to people. This person never deserved to have anything to do with me.
And just like I quoted yesterday, the best revenge is to be nothing like the person who wronged you.
I'm already not...and I'm so glad.