There has been a reoccurring theme in this blog the past few months, and every time I feel like I have moved on, I realize I am still in quite a bit of pain and can't completely do so...I decided to stop trying to convince myself that I'm fine, because there are many times when I am not. I have to accept that this WILL take a while to get over and that doesn't make me any less of a person or any weaker.
I went to a church in another state today and listened to a sermon spoken by a priest I didn't know. It was about forgiveness. If somebody wrongs you and you are angry at them and hate them...you are just bringing more hurt and anger into this world (and it doesn't need that.)
You are hurting exactly one person...yourself.
The priest quoted, "It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
It's okay that I am not 100% over everything and that I have not quite forgiven this person for what he did to me...but constantly reliving what happened in my mind over and over, letting myself get upset and letting my blood boil every time I think about this person is hurting me.
My cousin told me that whenever somebody has wronged her or hurt her in any way, she prays for them that they'll get everything they want from life. That is pretty much the candle quote in action. That way, you have a clear conscience. You really DO feel like the bigger person. She calls it not letting somebody stay on her mind without paying rent.
Honestly? I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to start doing that and I'm not going to lie and pretend that I am. I am still very, very hurt because of the way I was treated and have a very hard time forgiving this person or understanding why they did this to me. I've been through things in the past that, at the time, seemed like the end of the world, but they've always turned-out to happen for a reason. I'm waiting for that to happen again and I hope it's very soon.
Right now, I don't even feel like this person is worth the wax of a candle...and if that's the case, also not worth living in my mind so rent-free...........................
It will get better...right?