The other day, I was going through an old journal from college. Somebody I cared about very much was moving far away and I had put the lyrics to the song "Think of Me" from The Phantom of the Opera on a page.
"Recall those days/look back on all those times/think of the things we'll never do/there will never be a time that I won't think of you."
Yeah, I wasn't dramatic at all.
I met this person when I was a freshman in college. It was the first and last time I have ever experienced anything like that scene in BIG FISH when he first sees his wife and popcorn freezes in the air.
I saw this person not long ago after several years. He showed-up on a particularly important night of my life, and when he left the room for a minute, I was sitting next to a close male friend, trying to give him the abridged version of why this guy was so important to me. (I might have also asked him if he would pretend to be my boyfriend...but then I remembered that we weren't in a romantic comedy.) I didn't quite know how to explain it all to him, because I wasn't sure how to explain it to myself.It wasn't like we had dated for five years and he broke my heart, and yet I do feel a bit of a broken heart when it comes to him...even though this person has never done a thing to hurt me and never would.
I told my friend that night that I have always had it in the back of my head that I was supposed to end-up with this guy...and he told me that there was probably a reason that he had turned-up that night, surrounded by a bunch of people he didn't know, on a huge nigh in my life...but when he lives in another state and has a girlfriend, does that really matter?
It doesn't anymore...there's no chance...it wasn't meant to be...and it's okay.
Maybe one day I'll see this guy's engagement announcement or see the infamous changing of the facebook status. And I'll be happy for him..
I have to listen to the friends that tell me I'm too great to wait around for anybody, and I look forward to once again having that "popcorn freezing in the air" experience...and even if things don't start like that...it's still okay.