Friday, November 26, 2010

Today is a new day...

I am a famous insomniac (have been for almost twenty years) and over the past few years, that insomnia has been brought on by worrying completely irrationally about everything under the sun at 3:00 AM.

I did that last night.

The last few weeks had its moments which were nothing short of a nightmare.

As I said earlier, though, it did bring-out good moments, since it made me realize how many true friends I had that were willing to be so supportive and patient when I was this inconsolable mess.

But I'm still worrying.

About everything.

It has been said and written a million times that "everything happens for a reason." I definitely believe that...but sometimes I wonder if that is just something people say so you don't completely lose your mind and become discouraged when you can't catch a break. Same goes for, "you find love when you least expect it." Do people just say that to stop us from becoming too brokenhearted or is it true?

I also have major issues with change. Always have, and I expect I always will. Perhaps that's how I found myself in the situation I was in a few weeks ago. I wasn't able to make a change for myself, and it was forced upon me. Had I been braver and more willing to make that change earlier...I could have spared myself the disappointment, sadness and humiliation I felt.

I am going to stop worrying and fixating on things that I cannot control...right now.

I have control over whether or not I worry. Nobody is forcing me to. It does absolutely no good and doesn't help anything get fixed or accomplished. I am going to take it second-by-second, minute-by-minute, day-by-day, year-by-year...until I realize I haven't quite worried in a long, long time.

Diana Rissetto