At last, I think I know
The past is where we keep what might have been
But it's best to let it go...
When I was a kid and moved from New York City to New Jersey, I desperately tried to keep in touch with all of my old classmates. I'd write letters to many of them, and would feel genuinely hurt when not all of them responded. Fourth graders usually aren't big letter-writers. Had email been around, they probably wouldn't have been big emailers either. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to hold on to everybody I had once known and what we had all been.
This week, just like the 9-year-old I once was, I desperately tried to hold onto people and to control things...to fix them...to stop change of any kind at all costs.
I realized that when I feel the need to hold onto people, it's more about holding on to how things used to be, the "good ol' days", when things were happier and simpler.
I have learned that some friendships just aren't meant to last forever...and that's really okay.
I realized how blessed I am to HAVE the friends in my life that I can see being around for the long haul...friends that I have exchanged matching Star-of-David and crucifix necklaces with for the holidays...friends I have a million-and-one inside jokes with...friends I can go out for dinner with and never once consider having to split the bill evenly, because we know true friendship can never be divided.
True friendship always evens-out.
Last year, I experienced a very difficult loss when my uncle, who was the closest thing I had to a dad, died. I knew a couple of people that I considered among my closest friends for a long time, although they weren't any more, knew about my family's loss and didn't say anything. I let that knowledge hurt me even more...but looking back, I realize how wrong I was. Why should I have concerned myself with people like that during that difficult time? My thoughts should have been with my wonderful uncle, whose life was cut so short, my family, whom I have gone through SO much with, and the incredible friends I have that I KNOW will never let me down.
The other people? They don't really matter...not anymore...
I'm starting to really understand how very short life really is, and that one day we live on this earth is a day less we have to live. When you think of it that way, carrying around any kind of bitterness or hurt seems really dumb.
So I won't anymore, and instead just focus on the good and on the people I love and that love me. I'll always believe that everybody comes into your life at the right time for a reason...and I'll remember those friendships that are no more and smile for the happy times, and hope they are doing the same thing when they remember me.