Sunday, February 14, 2010

At the grocery store today...

Two kids were running around like monkeys and jumped in front of my cart out-of-nowhere.

I most certainly DID NOT hit the child with my cart, but he screamed to his mother, "She almost KILLED me!" I walk quietly away with my cart. The mom shouts after me, "FOR REAL????" Nobody loves kids more than I do, but I can't stand kids (and parents!) like that.

For some reason (and I really am not sure WHY, the stories aren't similar at all, except they illustrate how horrible and rude some people are.) this reminded me of an incident at the bookstore once.

I dug-out a nearly five-year-old email documenting it...it's best to keep the original flavor of the ordeal...so, here it is in its entirety.


May I present to you one of the greatest stories in the history of "I Work in Barnes and Noble and Have Learned that People Who Like to Read Can Also Be Idiots" stories.

Family is sitting in the children's department. They are rude. (and stupid and trashy)They make a mess and they leave.

I put on my coat and clock out. I just worked for 9 hours on a Sunday, I had somewhere to be, I wanted out of there!

Man comes back into the store and stops me on my way out.

Man: Did you find a black ski cap?

Diana: I'm actually on my way out, but you can check the kid's department and if anybody turned the hat in, it would be at the lost and found up front.

I get stopped by Mel to talk over something.

I finally leave the store and walk to my car.

Man's wife had in the meanwhile pulled up her car to the front of the store and he's getting into the car.

I hear everything they are saying.

Woman: There's the girl that works there, ask her if she knows where the hat is!

Man: I ASKED her already. And you know what she f-ing SAID to me? (whiny voice.) "I'm offfffffffffffffffffff."

I storm over to the freaking idiot and go:

Diana: Actually, I did not SAY that. I SAID that I was on my way out and that you could check the kid's department and the lost-and-found. I just worked 9 hours and have someplace to go and need to leave. It's not my responsiblity to find your hat!

(Okay, I have been VERY stressed lately, this is really not the right time to cross me.)

Man: (taken aback because Diana is usually a rather timid thing) Don't worry about it.

Diana: Oh, I am NOT worried, but I am also not a rude person and don't appreciate my words being twisted around like that.

I go home, but our story does not end there.

My friend Brian and I talk on the phone when I get home.

Brian: So, the family came back in, looking for the hat and they FOUND the hat (YOU CAN ALL BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF!), and when they were paying, the wife said to Christina,

"I can't believe you would have such a BITCH work in the children's department. We just wanted her help and you know what she said to us? (whiny voice) I'm offffffffffffffffffffffffff."

(which is ridiculous, since the wife wasn't even THERE and didn't witness anything, except for me running after her idiot husband in the parking lot and attempting to tell him off.)

Seriously, if there's one thing I know, it's that I'm WONDERFUL in that children's department and am wonderful with children and of all the horrible names you can call me, bitch is not one of them!!!!!!

WHAT DID THEY WANT ME TO DO?

Lock down the store so nobody could get out in case someone was trying to steal the stupid hat?

AND IT WAS A SKI CAP.

If someone came to me and asked them to find their, I don't know...engagement ring...or BABY or something...I'd help them even if I was clocked out and had my purse and coat and was GOING OUT THE DOOR....But COME ON!

I just can't stand classless, rude people..

So, I decided that I'm not going to let the last two years be in vain. I'm going to write a book, the even-numbered chapters will be Barnes and Noble stories and the odd-numbered ones will be my interview stories. (The Night Club one when I was worried I wouldn't make it out alive. The one at the play publishing place that the HR woman told me that the guy I would be working for has made everyone cry at least once and that it was a very rewarding job, because each day, I would leave and feel happy just to have gotten through another 9 hours with him alive. And, of course, we must not forget...the place that shook my hand, said, "DIANA WELCOME ABOARD!" and yet still didn't give me the job!) Tales of Working in a Bookstore (and Tales of Trying to Not Work in a Bookstore Anymore.)

Honestly, if I ever get to the point where my life is so empty and miserable that I'm giving trouble to some random poor soul who works in Barnes and Noble, I'm counting on each and every one of you to just kick me in the head.

So, be nice to your retail workers. We're doing the best we can and just because we're working retail doesn't mean we're stupid or uneducated and immature. Please.

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