...now than they were in 1999.
And I started thinking about everything else that has changed over the past decade...DECADE! Wow.
Just a couple of hours ago, I got some news while I was in the middle of Kohl's, buying yet another cheap strand of plastic pearls, that made me want to cry. I don't do well with change. I hate it. It would make sense if I could blame this fear/irrational hatred of change on losing a parent when I was a child...but it started long before then. When my parents got a new car when I was 9, I cried hysterically. When we moved from New York City to New Jersey, I kept on crying hysterically, agreeing only to move if I could get a dog.
(I ended-up dealing with that move by turning to my books and pens and becoming an insomniac and watching reruns of Highway to Heaven every morning at 3:30 AM.)
When my mother decided to sell our house when I was a senior in college, I didn't react like a 22-year-old, but more like an 8-year-old. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening...it was a change. And I really, really hated change.
I curse my scary memory sometimes, because it always feels like things just happened, and then I realize that they were, in fact, ten years ago.
Despite my best efforts to never have any kind of change occur (ever), a lot has changed since 1999.
When 1999 was coming to an end, I was a senior in high school and everybody was talking about the new millennium...Y2K...it was such a big deal...who knew that less than two years later, we'd witness 9/11 and it would make all that hysteria surrounding the start of the new century seem like such a joke.
I was 17, and still slowly recovering from my father's death earlier that year. Looking back, I was extremely young and immature for my age, despite the fact that I was also extremely old for my age.
If I liked a boy, I would make him the lead character in a short story and hand it to him. (Gosh, I was pathetic.)
That year, I prepared for my first trip to Europe and prepared for college.
I decided to go away, but it didn't last long...I ended-up at a college near our home, where I was very happy, but I wonder if it was my aversion to change that made me want to come back to a place and people I already knew.
The years continued to pass...college ended...the most frustrated jobhunt in the history of jobhunts began...I landed that dream job and lost it...I realized a job isn't everything...a job isn't much at ALL in fact...I made new friends that I can't imagine my life without, learned that I needed to let some old friends go and that not all friendships were meant to last forever...I realized how much my family means to me and that, honestly, in the past, I didn't really NEED friends as much as the average person because my family always came first. I met a guy and came home and told my mom I met the guy I was going to marry (we haven't, obviously.) I wrote a lot...and continue to remind myself every day that I am a writer.
If you asked me when I was 17 where I thought I'd be in 2010, I would have told you a very different scenario than the one I find myself in now...(I don't have an Oscar for Best Screenplay...or a husband and three kids...or have my own house...)but that's okay. I have come to realize that you really DO end-up exactly where you are supposed to be and that whole cliche and "everything working-out in the end and if it's not, it's not the end" isn't really a cliche at all. It's true.
Sometimes I feel like I haven't changed or grown-up much at ALL in the past decade...maybe a lot of people feel that way...and maybe I need to stop resisting change so much.
There were a lot of times in the past ten years that felt like the end of the world...but the world never ended.
I'm not going to let myself cry in the middle of Kohl's anymore...life goes on...and the past decade has taught me that everything is going to be okay.