Wednesday, December 30, 2009
And I started thinking about everything else that has changed over the past decade...DECADE! Wow.
Just a couple of hours ago, I got some news while I was in the middle of Kohl's, buying yet another cheap strand of plastic pearls, that made me want to cry. I don't do well with change. I hate it. It would make sense if I could blame this fear/irrational hatred of change on losing a parent when I was a child...but it started long before then. When my parents got a new car when I was 9, I cried hysterically. When we moved from New York City to New Jersey, I kept on crying hysterically, agreeing only to move if I could get a dog.
(I ended-up dealing with that move by turning to my books and pens and becoming an insomniac and watching reruns of Highway to Heaven every morning at 3:30 AM.)
When my mother decided to sell our house when I was a senior in college, I didn't react like a 22-year-old, but more like an 8-year-old. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening...it was a change. And I really, really hated change.
I curse my scary memory sometimes, because it always feels like things just happened, and then I realize that they were, in fact, ten years ago.
Despite my best efforts to never have any kind of change occur (ever), a lot has changed since 1999.
When 1999 was coming to an end, I was a senior in high school and everybody was talking about the new millennium...Y2K...it was such a big deal...who knew that less than two years later, we'd witness 9/11 and it would make all that hysteria surrounding the start of the new century seem like such a joke.
I was 17, and still slowly recovering from my father's death earlier that year. Looking back, I was extremely young and immature for my age, despite the fact that I was also extremely old for my age.
If I liked a boy, I would make him the lead character in a short story and hand it to him. (Gosh, I was pathetic.)
That year, I prepared for my first trip to Europe and prepared for college.
I decided to go away, but it didn't last long...I ended-up at a college near our home, where I was very happy, but I wonder if it was my aversion to change that made me want to come back to a place and people I already knew.
The years continued to pass...college ended...the most frustrated jobhunt in the history of jobhunts began...I landed that dream job and lost it...I realized a job isn't everything...a job isn't much at ALL in fact...I made new friends that I can't imagine my life without, learned that I needed to let some old friends go and that not all friendships were meant to last forever...I realized how much my family means to me and that, honestly, in the past, I didn't really NEED friends as much as the average person because my family always came first. I met a guy and came home and told my mom I met the guy I was going to marry (we haven't, obviously.) I wrote a lot...and continue to remind myself every day that I am a writer.
If you asked me when I was 17 where I thought I'd be in 2010, I would have told you a very different scenario than the one I find myself in now...(I don't have an Oscar for Best Screenplay...or a husband and three kids...or have my own house...)but that's okay. I have come to realize that you really DO end-up exactly where you are supposed to be and that whole cliche and "everything working-out in the end and if it's not, it's not the end" isn't really a cliche at all. It's true.
Sometimes I feel like I haven't changed or grown-up much at ALL in the past decade...maybe a lot of people feel that way...and maybe I need to stop resisting change so much.
There were a lot of times in the past ten years that felt like the end of the world...but the world never ended.
I'm not going to let myself cry in the middle of Kohl's anymore...life goes on...and the past decade has taught me that everything is going to be okay.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I also had an experience yesterday that made me think of the BEST idea for
the beginning of a Family Channel Holiday film EVER!
So, I'm gift-wrapping at the store yesterday...it's a free service and we
accept donations for charity! The store was crazy, the line was crazy, and I
was going crazy. Most people were being very kind and patient, since I'm the
one doing THEM the favor. I've always been a spaz with giftwrapping (and
most other things in life).
This lady brings in some piece of exercise equipment to wrap...not a nice
basic shape like a book! I was doing my best, when all of a sudden, she
snatches it and goes, "I have paper AT HOME. I'll wrap it THERE." She walks
away in a huff.
I was bewildered at what just happened and just kinda watched her walk away.
There was a young cute guy on line who witnessed it and goes to me, "Do you
want me to run after her and yell at her? GEEZE, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO
Every person who got on line, the guy would say to them, "SOMEONE WAS JUST
RUDE TO THIS GIRL!!!!!!" And after every gift I'd wrap, he'd go, "THAT IS
JUST GORGEOUS! LOOK AT THAT!"
Anyway, I was laughing...IT WAS JUST SO CUTE...and he hung around for a
while, but things were really busy, so he gave me his phone number on a
scrap of wrapping paper...
Not that I'm planning on using the number, but tell me that wouldn't make a
FABULOUS beginning to a Family Channel Holiday film.
Of course, in this movie, the scrap of wrapping paper with the phone number
would get lost and our heroine would not find it until New Year's Eve or
Monday, December 14, 2009
Maybe that's true...in some warped way...maybe she doesn't owe his wife, or any other women she doesn't know, an apology or anything at all.
However...I DO thing every woman owes it to HERSELF to conduct herself with dignity, class and self-respect and not behave like that.
I'm starting to feel like "nice girls" just don't stand a chance in this world anymore...
Friday, December 11, 2009
(Maybe that's not true. Like myself, Kim Kardashian lost her father at a young age to cancer, and Jennifer Love Hewitt DID play Audrey Hepburn once...)
On Monday, somebody made a "fat joke" at my expense.
How did I react?
I burst into tears and was in a horrible mood for the rest of the day.
And told myself that I COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE FAT...all my clothes were 2's and 4's...how can a size 2-4 girl be fat?
Just like Kim and Love did.
When Kim and Love spoke-out about their weight issues (or, lack of weight issues, as they claimed), I rolled my eyes.
When unflattering photos of Love were published with nasty commentary, she issued the following statement:
This is the last time I will address this subject.
I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.
A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.
What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.
To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.
A few months later, she was on the cover of magazines because she had lost eighteen pounds. I rolled my eyes even more. So...a size 2 isn't fat...but just fat enough to need to lose eighteen pounds? What kind of a message is that sending to all those young girls who struggle with their body image, Ms. Hewitt?
Kim Kardashian decided to publish YouTube videoes of herself trying on size 2 jeans to prove to the world that she does, indeed, wear a size 2. Most importantly, she kept repeating that she LOVES her body just the way it is...and she's a size 2! A size 2! She swears, she's a size 2!
I continued to roll my eyes.
However, looking back at my reaction on Monday, I understand where these girls are coming from and how humiliating and hurtful it must be to have your every pound judged by the papparazzi.
I also think they're both lying about how much they love their bodies...if they loved their bodies and were as secure as they claimed, they wouldn't feel the need to issue statements and youtube videoes declaring that love. These girls are every bit as insecure as many of us are...and I think Jennifer Love Hewitt would probably do all those young girls that she claims to be so concerned with a lot more good if she came clean about her own insecurities, instead of triumphantly announcing her 18-lb weight loss (from her already size 2 figure.)
That weight joke on Monday hurt my feelings. It brought-out a lot of issues I have been battling for the past twenty years or so.
What these famous girls don't get is that NOBODY deserves to be the target of such jokes...it doesn't matter if she's a size 2 or 12 or 22.
Once people realize that, we might be onto something.