Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Birthday Wishes

Since I am not sure how often my most dedicated blog reader checks in, I am posting this three days before his actual birthday.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Vinny!

Are you listening to me, E?

Yesterday, I discussed the possibility of having my own reality show

I feel that if Denise Richards gets one, I should have one.

I am quirky. I am constantly getting myself into wacky situations. I am always meeting crazy people…actually, they find me.

People are always telling me that I need my own show! And I am starting to agree with them! “Flighty, well-meaning, slightly na├»ve, creative young woman and her adventures in New York.” I know what you are thinking… “Ugly Betty is currently a hit show and Felicity has been done already. In fact, Felicity even had long curly hair! Stop ripping off of Felicity, Diana!”

But those girls are not real.

Diana is!

And now that E! is so oddly giving Denise Richards her own reality show, I see absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t have one as well.

My reality show would be funnier.

My reality show would have more spunk and spirit and heart.

My reality show would have a much more endearing and lovable heroine. (No offense to Denise…but it is very true. I am a freaking delight!!!)

I am not sure what the title would be yet. I almost named this blog Dianecdotes, but then realized that it was very very stupid.

First off, I have a very colorful group of supporting characters of friends in the reality show of my life. Just like Ron and Hermione and the gang were imperative to Harry Potter’s success, I am just as dependant on my wacky sidekicks.

There is my friend Lori, who is afraid of buttons. Yes, she is afraid of buttons. Lori is also my writing partner. Together, we created Margot Frank: The Diary of the Other Young Girl, a musical which is making its world premiere in April. (It is a musical comedy about the much-forgotten sister of Anne Frank. Yup.) Lori is quite quirky, and has also been obsessed with Anne Frank for her entire life, just like I have. And did I mention she is afraid of buttons?

My friend Laura moved to New York City all by herself from South Carolina. (Brave brave brave!) She converted to Judaism shortly thereafter. (I went to my first Purim festival because of Laura!) Each week, Laura and I gather for dinner at our favorite grilled cheese restaurant, Say Cheese! We have a favorite waiter. He could make cameos.

I have been imagining what kind of opening and closing scenes my show would have. I would love to be walking down the street in a pastel trench coat (pink, most likely) walking a dog (we could use our family dog, Lola Lu). Her leash will match my coat. (Heck, maybe we can even dye Lola Lu to match my pink coat!)

If my friends want to be in on it, they can ALSO be walking with me in different pastel trench coats, walking dogs. The song “Ya Gotta Be” by Des’ree can play, and then everybody in the street will start singing along.

OR…we can use a very bouncy version of “Moon River”, in honor of my favorite New Yorker, Holly Golightly.

Since Laura will be a series regular, we decided that she will be introduced each week as she walks by a playground and a little child is on a swing. His shoe flies off of his foot and Laura bends down to pick it up. She smiles. Her name flashes across the screen.

We will also have a special celebrity that makes appearances…my very big Broadway star friend, Cheyenne Jackson. Cheyenne can, for publicity sakes, be in the opening credits every week, even if he isn’t in every episode. He will be credited while he’s onstage and everybody is cheering for him…and then..cut to the audience! My friends and I are cheering in the audience for him!

We would have to have some recaps of truly memorable moments in my life from the past year.

If you have been following this blog for the past year, you would know that I have been on about 900 job interviews and have lost two jobs within the past year. I would love to recreate some of my most memorable job interviews, which, thanks to my photographic memory, I am sure that I can do! (It would also give me the opportunity to employ some of my out-of-work actor friends.)

I can ALSO reenact what happened right after I lost my first job last March. I had tickets to see Les Miserables that night. It was raining. So…I lose my job…a job that meant a lot to me. And I have to pack up my desk…so I’m stumbling down 42nd Street, in the rain, struggling with boxes of my junk from my desk, on my way to see a musical in which most of the characters die. Things could be worse. I could be dying in the French Revolution.

Other episodes:

-Diana obsesses over writing the perfect speech to give at her sister’s wedding.

-Diana trying to figure out if her current potential romantic interest is even interested in girls! (That happens just about every week!)

-Diana and Lori auditioning people to be in their show, and having people sing “On My Own” from Les Miserables and and “Memory” Cats (You just don’t get more authentic auditiony than THAT) Many episodes can follow our MARGOT journey!

-Diana dreaming that her Beta Fish dies and getting out of bed to check on it

-Diana getting to hold Neil Simon’s coat at a party and it pretty much making her week

-Diana’s commute…Diana wakes up a sleepy commuter, possibly saving her from getting fired and/or waking up all disheveled in Sunnyside Yard as the train is being cleaned…Diana’s train getting delayed and Diana, not having a book, randomly calling friends she hasn’t spoken to in ten years because she needs to kill time somehow…Diana fighting with a nasty businessman who tells a bunch of excited little girls to shut-up on matinee day.


It would be magical.

AND if my show gets successful enough, I can achieve one of my greatest goals in life:

Being a star on Dancing with the Stars.

Please check back shortly on instructions on how to sign the petition to get the Diana Show up and going.

Diana Rissetto