Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I don't like goodbyes...

Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say
Touching a hand, wondering why
It's time for saying goodbye

I really hate saying goodbye. I hate saying goodbye to ANYBODY. I think it runs in the family. When my dad was a kid, his older sister joined a convent. (She is still in a convent...she and the other nuns run a cheese factory. I am sure you think I am making that up, but I absolutely am not. Seriously.) I think my dad was 8 and Aunt Mary Anne was 18. She left, and then my dad would only see her about once a year for the rest of his life.

Because he had to say goodbye to his older sister at such a young age, my dad never liked goodbyes. When my my sister left for college, my dad barely even said goodbye to her.

I am the same way.

I hate it.

I don't care WHO I am saying goodbye to.

I don't care how long I have known them, or even how much I like them.

I just absolutely hate it.

When I finally gave my notice at Barnes and Noble after five years of service, I did so with a great deal of sadness. I was LEAVING this place I had worked at for FIVE YEARS of my life. I didn't even give my notice in person...I wrote a long, handwritten, sappy letter saying that I wished I could stay there forever, but it was really time to move on and left the note in the schedule box.

And, there was a slight mix-up and I never got any kind of a goodbye party. Or a cake. Or a card.

(A recap: http://dianagolightly.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-was-once-curly-haired-girl-who-knew.html)

I was slightly devestated that I didn't get any fanfare as I ended by time at that store.

I started thinking...was I going to be missed? Did my coworkers and the customers like me as much as I liked them? Would they even notice that I was gone?

The answer, I decided, was no...which made me want to cry!

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye

I think I just thoroughly HATE change. I LIKE for things to stay the same. I want everything to stay exactly the same way all the time and I don't want anything or anyBODY to change. Ever. Ever. Ever. It's a terribly juvenile way of looking at things, but I am being completely honest here.

When my family moved from New York City to New Jersey when I was in the 4th grade, I tried my absolute best to keep in touch with all of my friends. This was before email! So we wrote letters! Stamps, stationary, the works! I wanted to stay in touch with every single kid in my class...even the ones I didn't like! I couldn't let them forget me!

While I managed to stay in touch with Daniela Bumbaca (and I am writing her name in case she googles herself and finds this and then we can renew our friendship!) until the 8th grade or so, I learned that most fourth-graders don't like writing letters.

So, I lost touch with them all.

Dont want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes it's better to go

When I first entered college, I started out at Allentown College of St. Francis DeSales. I really wanted a small Catholic school, which this definitely was, with a lot of nice, warm people. However, I was miserable. And left after a semester...but part of me was so desperate to leave right THEN because I knew if I "stuck it out" and stayed for the whole year, I'd end up staying just because I wouldn't want to say my goodbyes!

I like to look on the bright sides of things. In 2007, I lost two jobs quite suddenly. Now, this meant that I never had to say my goodbyes! Just very uncomfortable phonecalls and emails to former coworkers/friends the next morning. Things DO work out in odd ways sometimes.

And, of course, there is that slightly morbid sense that whenever you DO say goodbye to somebody, even if it's just until the next day, it really MIGHT be the last time you ever say goodbye to them. After September 11, I started making an effort to include "I Love You" with "goodbye" whenever possible. (To friends and relatives. Not telemarketers.)

Somehow I know we'll meet again
Not sure quite where, and I dont know just when
You're in my heart, so until then
Wanna smile, wanna cry
Saying goodbye

I guess nobody really likes saying goodbyes...I mean, if the MUPPETS don't...

La la la la la la la la
It's time for saying goodbye

Diana Rissetto