I get sucked-into watching the John Edward show on the WE channel constantly.
I never plan-on watching it...but I'll turn on the television and it's on, and I watch thirty seconds of it, and can never turn it off. (One time I DID turn-it off, when it was a special with 9/11 families...said to myself, "Yeah, gotta get out of the house and away from this television or I'll be crying for the rest of the week...")
(I DO cry a lot...of course, I am also the girl that cries over air freshener commercials.)
And the other day...I came very close to BUYING tickets to see John Edward live.
He is going to be in Seacaucus (a place my train passes through every day on the way to New York City, and this seemed like as good a time as any to visit) the week of the tenth anniversary of my father's death.
I took that as a sign. (I take a lot of things as "signs". I need to stop doing that. If you look for a sign hard enough, you'll find one in anything.)
I went back-and-forth. What if I spent all that money (and a trip into Seacaucus), and nothing "happened", and it was all a waste? But what if I went, and something DID "happen"...and what if I didn't go, and ended-up wondering "what if" for a long time after.
However, the decision was made for me, as the show seems to be sold-out.
My dad was sick for over a year before he died of cancer when I was seventeen-years-old. While this is not something I ever particularly advertised, for almost that entire year, I carried around a copy of this book Hello From Heaven with me wherever I went. It was always in my school backpack, and I'd read and reread it whenever I had nothing else to do. That book was the most enormously comforting thing in the world to me during that time. It was filled with stories about people being contacted by their loved ones who had passed away.
I had accepted the inevitable...my father was going to die...but this book made me feel a lot better, and knew that even when my father died, he was still going to exist somewhere. I knew that I would get "signs" after he was gone, just like those people in that book.
(I also blame the television show Providence...that series when Melina Kanakaredes moves back home after her mom's death, and her mom appears to her every night and they talk. That show was great! And, of course, I always make an effort to support the curly-haired in their artistic endeavors.)
However, after my father died, and I never did get any kind of a sign...nearly ten years later, I still haven't.
When my dog died last year, I will not like...I spent some time on websites where people talked about being contacted by their pets beyond the grave.
Of course LuLu would contact me! Why wouldn't she?
She never did.
Oddly enough, my lack of paranormal experiences has not really left me disappointed or skeptic. I still absolutely believe in all of that...I do think John Edward is genuine, and that he has a gift, and that it's not all a hoax. I believe that most of the stories from Hello From Heaven were truthful, and I will never, ever believe "when you're dead, you're dead." I've heard a lot of people say that they feel that way, and it just makes me very sad.
Maybe it's a naive and optimistic way to think, but I will always believe in something a lot bigger than any of us, than anything that is on this earth.
(Now I feel like watching Highway to Heaven. I love Highway to Heaven. The first year I lived in New Jersey, I had terrible insomnia...it was much too quiet to sleep!...and I would stay-up all night. Highway to Heaven came on at 3:30 AM. Love it. Michael Landon will always remain one of my idols, for being somebody who became so beloved and successful for being a total sap.)