Monday, April 7, 2008

Anniversaries

I have absolutely ALWAYS been one to roll my eyes when people talk about things like "3 week anniversaries."

(I knew a girl who burst into tears once because a certain song came on the radio and it reminded her that it would have been...key words: WOULD HAVE BEEN...her and her boyfriend's "a year and eight month anniversary." A year and eight months? Come ON!)

However, then there are other types of anniversaries...

Two weeks ago marked the 9th anniversary of my dad's death...and, oddly enough, this day is sadder and weirder each year.

I feel like it should be the other way around. It should be getting easier, but it's not.

And I realized that maybe it works both ways...

Although I think the concept of "a year and eight month anniversaries" is ridiculous, I think something like a 50th Anniversary is quite major. The first anniversary without somebody...the pain is still pretty fresh...but as the years pass, the pain starts to faid, and by the time you get to the 9th anniversary, you're not thinking and crying about that person all the time anymore. You have truly started to heal...and while you DO want to heal, you also start to feel a lot of guilt that you HAVE healed.

With every year that comes and goes, my dad becomes less a part of my life and more of a memory, which makes that one day...April 6th...the one day out of the year I can really just feel sad about his death again, just as I did nine years ago.

Last week, I learned that a friend of mine...somebody I really don't know too well, I only met her in the fall when we worked on a show together...lost her dad suddenly to a heart attack.

I called her when I heard the news, and immediately, my voice began to break and I started to cry at my desk at work.

Oddly enough, I also started to cry when I was driving a couple of weeks ago and heard on the radio that Elliot Yamin's mother passed away.

Losing a parent...when you are young and THEY are young...is one of the worst things in the world...and it also makes you feel immediately connected to somebody when you've learned they have been through the same thing...

Thoughts and friendship to EVERYBODY who has had the same familiar feelings, on the first anniversary and the fiftieth.

Diana Rissetto

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