Monday, August 13, 2007

Just a Couple of Diananecdotes

That just might be the title of my memoir. (It was supposed to be Hey, Get Your Elbow out of my Prosciutto!). Maybe that can be the subtitle.

This weekend, was my sister's bachelorette party. I could write on and on about how, to me, barhopping isn't nearly as fun as a trip to the dentist, or I could just share two somewhat funny exchanges that occured.

I am crazy allergic to most animals. (I can live without cats, but I absolutely love dogs, so that saddens me greatly.) My sister's black Lab Jack is a lovely young fellow, but after a few minutes around him, I am rubbing my eyes and wanting to stick a knife in my ear. (They get very very very itchy.)

We were hanging out at my sister's house, and Jack was sitting by my feet. I started to sneeze, and then looked down at Jack and said, "Sorry Buddy!"

My cousin Kelly looked very confused and asked me who I was apologizing too. She thought I was saying, "Sorry Buddy" to GOD for sneezing. I'm not sure WHY I would do that...maybe because people say "God Bless You" when you sneeze...so I was apologizing to God for sneezing, and being blessed, and giving him a little extra work to do?

Anyway, the idea of bowing my head and calling God "Buddy" was funny.

Later on, the gang of us headed over to a spa. A woman came over to us and asked, "Is one of you Millie? I need to see Millie."

Now, she was talking to six young women all between the ages of 25 and 35. (Among these girls...Kelly...Liz...Jen...)

Afterwards, my sister commented, "How could she think one of us was MILLIE? Do we LOOK like Millies?" My cousin laughed and said, "That's right...Millie is such an old lady's name." My sister tilted her head to the side and said, "Actually, Diana looks like a Millie." My cousin nodded and agreed, "Yes, Diana could definitely be a Millie (don't you love it when people talk about you like you are not even in the room?) Diana, you're an old soul."

I have always known this.

I often say that I am a 75-year-old woman in a young body. Heck, I was even president (and at times, the only member) of the Intergenerational Club in high school. (We hung out with old people.)

However, the name Millie conjures up very positive thoughts for me.

I think about this:



And I am very proud to be a Millie.

Diana Rissetto

"Son, the season's over..."

...a bit younger, I used to watch the Country Music Television station, not because I like country music, but because those videoes were always wonderful...like tiny little Lifetime movies summed up in two minutes. There's drama, there's death, there's broken hearts, there are chevys, there's kids running away from home. (Although sometimes, the guy looks so much older than the girl that you wonder, "Wait...is that supposed to be his wife or his granddaughter?") And this was all years before we had Carrie Underwood bashing in the windows of her unfaithful boyfriend's car.

Those videoes covered absolutely everything...I especially liked the Brad Paisley one, when his wife is having a baby and he is singing about his stepfather and hoping that he'll be half the dad "he didn't have to be." In fact, I liked a lot of Brad's songs...like the one about how doesn't need a camera 'cause he's got kodak film in his heart (or something like that. It's been a while.) Reba McEntire's were always fun as well, and when she starred in a TV movie as a woman who was in a coma for 20 years and finally comes out to find that her daughter is all grown-up and her husband and best friend have gotten together, I just KNEW she was able to nail that role because she had so much practice in those country music videoes.

(Sidenote, I freaking love Reba McEntire's sitcom. Luckily for me, it's on about 23 times a day. She is an absolute delight. I wish she was my aunt...we would have so much fun together. Her constantly makes little jokes...like when she said, "I always thought I'd be a famous country singer when I grew up...and then look at how I turned out!" And when Kelly Clarkson was on as an aspiring weathergirl and Reba said, "I bet if that girl ever ends up on TV, America will just fall in love with her!" Oh, Reba, you crazy nut.)

Over the years, I have realized that country songs are all around us. I think I would be pretty good at writing them.

I once worked with this very sweet lady named Carol, who had a son that was a child actor. Carol was very proud of her boy and how well he did, and would often tell stories of him almost getting the lead in A Christmas Story (he ended up playing one of the kids in Ralphie's class), doing Jell-O commercials with Bill Cosby and working with Kathleen Turner (she used to buy him coloring books) and James Caan (Sonny Corleone! Awesome!)

When he was around twelve years old, he went off to film a movie, and Carol went with him. They took the bus home, and Carol's husband picked them up at the bus stop.

Carol's son looked up at her husband and said, "Dad...how is my Little League team dong?"

Carol's husband looked down at him and said sadly, "The season's...the season's over, son."

Carol's young son shook his head and said, "I don't want to do this anymore!"

I think this is seriously an incredible country music song just waiting to happen.

Can't you just see it?

He looked up at me with those big brown eyes
And that look on his face had nearly broken my heart
I had to tell him that the season was over
When it seemed like it barely had start
And then I said, "Son, the season's over"
And he said, "Mama, I am done"
"I wanna give up being a big time movie star
And just hit one more home run"


The video will end with the little boy becoming a major league ballplayer (did you ever think otherwise would happen?) and his dad is either cheering him on in the stands or looking down at him and cheering from Heaven.

The very last scene will be Reba turning around and tipping her baseball cap at the camera (Reba's going to record this hit, I promise you) and walking off into the sunset.

And once my cousin told me a story about an old man he knew who was in charge of doing fireworks every Fourth of July, and then eventually went deaf. I think that also has the makings of a country music video. The last scene will be the old man dying and going to Heaven and hearing again, and all these fireworks will go off.

I got a million of 'em.


Diana Rissetto