Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A creepy creepy lawyerman

After almost two years of crazed jobhunting, a friend of mine took it upon herself to spend her days at work sending my resume...everywhere...without even reading the job ads. (Which is pretty much what I had been doing before anyway.)

A lawyer called...apparently, "we" had applied for "me" to be his assistant.

He left me a message, telling me that he cracked up at my cover letter and wanted to know why the hell I wanted to work for a law firm. (I honestly couldn't give him an answer to that one. I didn't want to work for a law firm! But I did want a job! So I set up an interview!)

When I got off of the subway, I found that this building had a perfect view of the building that I grew up in. I thought that was a sign. (I find signs in a lot of things, I really need to stop doing that. I've learned that if you look hard enough, you can find signs that will excuse and explain absolutely everything.)

There was a Harry Potter movie poster in the lobby, which I also took as a sign, as I was currently working in Barnes and Noble and had dressed as Harry's pal Hermione for several different occasions.

I sat down with Creepy Lawyer Man and his first question of me was,“So, are you a good liar? This position is not about managing my office; it is about managing my personal life. I live a very… interesting personal life. You will need to learn to be discreet. And not gossip about me to anybody else. You will need to learn to lie well, if you don’t already know how to.”

I glanced at a picture of his cherubic children on his desk and wondered how much I would have to lie to their mother about their father’s affairs.

During our interview...he smoked a cigarette.

He offered me the job on the spot, he said because he liked my cover letter and because I had a lovely speaking voice to answer the phone and that he wasn't impressed with anybody else he had met.

I told him I needed to think about it.

The next day, I emailed him and told him I couldn't work for him because I had bad asthma and couldn't be around smoke.

I don't have asthma...but I guess I wasn't a bad liar after all.

Diana Rissetto

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